Carla: "Did you hear about the human cannonball? It's hard to find a man of his caliber."
Cliff: I don't, uh, hear any hilarity ensuing there, Wood-man.
Woody: Oh, you have to try them both at the same time, the props and the jokes. Try it again.
Cliff: Boy, this is going to be flop city.
Carla: "Did you hear about the human cannonball? It's hard to find a man of his caliber."
[Norm and Carla laugh as Woody honks a horn and squirts water at Cliff]
Woody: See? Can't miss.
Norm: Let me try this. This looks like fun. Uh, all right. "You hear about the sword swallower who only eats penknives 'cause he's on a diet?"
[Woody once again honks a horn and squirts water at Cliff]
Cliff: All right, all right, you think that's funny? Go ahead, Norm, do another one. [takes the squirty flower from Woody]
Norm: All right. Uh, "Did you hear about the, uh, the tightrope walker who went nuts? They had to, uh, throw a net under him."
[Woody honks the horn and Carla squirts Cliff with the bar hose]
Carla: You know, you're right. It is funnier when you do it.

Norm: Frasier, you okay, bud?
Frasier: I'm a little concerned here, Norm. My fingers are tingling. My hand's numb, my feet are cold. Either I'm having a heart attack or this new French underwear Lilith gave me is too tight. [stands up] Ah. Ah. Cancel the paramedics.

Rebecca: Okay, kids, you say hi to Binky!
KIds: Hi, Binky!
Rebecca: Binky, do your act.
Frasier: I don't have an act, I'm a psychiatrist.
Rebecca: Show them your funny feet.
Frasier: Well, I can't, I've got these big shoes on. Oh, I see what you mean. Say, kids, what do you think of these feet, huh? I got such big feet because my mother was a goose. Want to hear me honk? [horn honks]
Rebecca: The real clown was killed.

Sam: Hey, guys. Wait till you hear this. I'm sitting at a table in this restaurant with Judy and Laurie. The mother reaches over and grabs my knee and says, "Sam, I want you."
Norm: Get out.
Sam: Then I feel the daughter reaching over and grabbing my other knee. She says, "l want you, too, Sammy."
Norm: Well, yeah, yeah?
Sam: Then I woke up. You know what this dream means, don't you?
Norm: Mm-hmm, it means you even dream better than we do.
Sam: No, no, it means that Frasier's right. That my conscience is getting to me. You know, I must feel bad that I'm going out with this woman while I'm trying to score with her daughter at the same time.
Carla: Sammy, you're scaring me.
Sam: How do you think I feel? I mean, this hasn't ever happened to me before. I mean, you don't think that... that I'm getting scruples?

Lilith: Frasier, where the hell have you been? You were supposed to pick me up at the airport.
Frasier: Well, um, gee, I didn't do a very good job of it, did l? Well, welcome home, dear. Where have you been?
Lilith: Paris. Perhaps you remember, we liberated it during the war.
Frasier: Yes, now that I recall, you did say something about it. Well, I've just been so damn busy. You do forgive me, don't you?
Lilith: Oh, of course. I could never stay mad at you.

Carla: Wasn't there, um, a Judy Marlowe?
Sam: [chuckling] Oh, that's the one I remember.
Norm: Sammy, hot stuff.
Sam: Oh, you betcha. God, did we have great times. I remember all the playgrounds, the circuses, the pony rides...
Lilith: Uh, excuse me, Sam. Exactly how old was this Judy?
Sam: No, no, she was a divorcee. She had this little girl. Must be about what, 15 years since I've seen the two of them.

Frasier: Lilith, I have only one thing to say to you. Vive la difference.

Rebecca: Woody, I asked you to bring up a case of scotch 15 minutes ago. Now, will you just do it, please?
Woody: Sorry, Miss Howe; right away.
Carla: Whoa. Get up on the wrong side of the web?
Rebecca: No, I am just sick and tired of the way I am treated by this company. They're trying to break my spirit, to bring me to my knees. They want to see how long its going to take before I say I quit.
Sam: Why, what do they want you to do now?
Rebecca: Throw a party.
Sam: Oh, my God, these people must be stopped.

Rebecca: I'm supposed to throw a kiddie party for the executives' brats. Well, I'll show them. I am going to throw the best damn party of the year. I am going to have the best food, the best games... Does anybody know where I can hire a professional clown?
Carla: Would you settle for a couple of amateurs with red noses?
Frasier: Say, you know who you should hire? Woody. He's an actor. At least a perennial understudy.
Rebecca: That's not a bad idea. I wonder if Woody's interested. Woody? I have to hire a clown for a children's party. Do you think you could handle the part?
Woody: "Handle the part"? I've always wanted to play a clown. You hear that, everybody? I get to be a clown.
I'm a clown, I'm a clown, I'm a clown!

Sam: Well, look at the two of you. Look at the three of us. Let's look at the two of you again.
Judy: Look, I know you two have a lot of catching up to do, but it was really good to see you again, Sam. Oh, wow, I just flashed on the way you used to make me hold your hand crossing the street. Anyway, I'll see you.
Sam: Wait, wait, where you going? What's the rush? Why is my voice so high? I got an idea. Uh, why don't, uh, why don't the three of us uh, do, uh, one of those things we used to do in the old days? You know, get an ice cream cone together, or something.
Judy: I would love that. Do you know something, Sam?
Sam: What?
Judy: I am really glad that I picked up the phone and called you.
Sam: Oh, me, too.
Laurie: Come on, Uncle Sammy. There's a lot of traffic out there. [Sam emits a high-pitched laugh]