Diane: Well, since you don't feel strongly about it, maybe Sam would like to decide for us.
Carla: Ha! I'd rather flip a coin. At least that way I'd have a chance.
Sam: What is that supposed to mean, please?
Carla: It means that since you two started, you know... She gets away with things the rest of us wouldn't.
Diane: I beg your pardon!
Sam: Carla, maybe you're right. Maybe I have been too easy on her. I'll take her in the back room and teach her some obedience.
Carla: I've got no feelings about what you two do in private. No matter how disgusting, sickening and putrid it is. I just don't think the rest of us should suffer for it.

Coach: What's wrong, Normie?
Norm: Nothing. Just a little personal problem.
Carla: If it's anything you wanna talk about...
Norm: Nah, I thought I'd kind of sit here and let it gnaw at my gut for a while.
Cliff: Now, Normie, come on. You're among friends here.
Sam: If you can't talk to us, who can you talk to?
Cliff: That's right.
Norm: Not Vera, that's for sure. She and I have split.
Sam: Oh, I'm sorry, man.
Coach: What happened, Norm? What caused it?
Norm: She said we no longer communicate, that I never listen to her, a bunch of other stuff. Yak, yak, yak.

Sam: You know, I'm sorry. I think this is a mistake. I mean, it's a tough town out there... Norm, am I right?
Norm: Most employers wouldn't spit on you if your hair was on fire.
Carla: Oh, but you'll make it, kid. I know you will. You've got moxie.
Diane: I know. I know. You all think I'm nothing but a hot house orchid, unequipped to survive in anything but a rarefied atmosphere. Well, I'll have you know, there's weed in me.
Carla: [claps] What a farewell speech. It went on exactly the right length. Any more would have been too much of a good thing.

Sam: Hey, hey, hey. You're really going to do this, aren't you?
Diane: Sam, I'm doing this for us.
Sam: Really?
Diane: Yes. Now don't you want to spend your nights with a woman who's fulfilled, independent, self-actualized?
Sam: I suppose it's worth a shot. You got her number?

Cliff: So, what's going on here, Norm? You been looking for months and Diane goes out there, snags a job in a couple of weeks?
Norm: Well, it's easier for girls. Hey, if God had made me a woman, I'd never be out of work.
Cliff: Well, yeah, as long as there are carnivals.

Norm: I wonder what Vera's doing tonight.
Coach: By the way, Normie, how did you and Vera meet anyway?
Norm: Didn't I tell you this, Coach? We were in school together.
Coach: We were?
Norm: Not you and l. Vera and l.
Coach: Oh, good.
Norm: Yeah, she was a cute little thing back then. Boy, could she give a hickey. Famous all over the Midwest for it. She gave me one the night of the senior prom, it lasted till a year ago Christmas.

Diane: He's only interested in my body.
Sam: You know, sometimes I'm ashamed to be a guy. But if I made the switch now, I'd have to buy a whole new wardrobe.
Diane: Men are beginning to really disgust me. Even more than before.
Sam: Oh, hey, come on! Lighten up! I mean, one rotten apple doesn't...
Diane: No, no. Not one. We're talking orchards here. The few scant offers I've had for a job have all had sexual strings attached.
Sam: Boy, it just makes me crazy thinking of those guys treating my squeeze like a sex object.

Coach: [on the phone] I got it. Yeah, thank you, Vic. [hangs up] Table ready upstairs at Melville's for the Anderson party. Table ready for the Anderson party.
Man #1: Your name is Anderson?
Man #2: Yeah.
Man #1: I guess there must be two Anderson parties. What's the first name?
Coach: Ernie, but they call me Coach.
Man #2: Coach, there are two Anderson parties here. Would you call upstairs and find out which Anderson party gets the table?
Coach: Good idea. [on the phone] Vic, we've got a little problem down here. There are two Anderson parties.
Now, which one is it? Oh, thanks, Vic. Thanks. I got it, Vic. [hangs up] I'm sorry, I was wrong. It's not for the Andersons. It's for the Blubberbutts. Table ready for the Blubberbutts! Table ready for the Blubberbutts!

Diane: Carla, I have two things to say to you. First, don't you ever do anything like that to me again or you will regret it for the rest of your miserable, little life. And second, would this be a bad time to ask you for a favor?
Carla: For you, there's no good time.
Diane: Well then, I would greatly appreciate it if you would switch schedules with me so that I can have next Tuesday off.
Carla: No!
Diane: Oh, Carla, Oriana Fallaci is giving a speech at Harvard. Come on, please. You've gotta change with me.
Carla: I don't have to do nothing. Before I do a favor for you, I would rather be dragged around town by my tongue.

Diane: Carla, all I asked you to do was switch nights off with me and you turn it into a verbal lynching.
Sam: What's the big deal? Changing one night?
Carla: There you go again, taking her side again!
Sam: OK, all right. Diane, work Tuesday night and let's just forget this whole thing.
Diane: Sam, you obviously don't realize how important this speech is to me.
Sam: It's only one night, Carla. Hey, Diane, I think if you... Carla, come on, will... Does anyone want to buy a bar?