Sam: Now, I think this is gonna be a whole new way of life for you. You just gotta get up and around a bit, you know.
Norm: I don't know.
Sam: Come on, man. Come on.
Coach: What are you waiting for?
Cliff: Come on, Norm.
Norm: All right. I'm gonna do it.
[Norm downs his beer as Cliff starts to chant his name]
Norm: Stand back, I'm on the prowl.
[Norm stands up straight and walks around the bar... before looping back to his stool]
Cliff: That was awfully quick, Norm.
Norm: They know where to find me.

Diane: I have wonderful news. I've got a job!
Coach: That's great!
Carla: Write us about it.
Sam: Good for you.
Diane: Yeah, well, I know you all thought I was a social misfit, unable to function on the streets. Well, I not only got a job, I've got a great job! Yeah, I'm a proofreader for a small publishing house. Isn't that perfect for me?
Sam: Oh, yeah. I'm proud of you.
Diane: Well, it's been two weeks of hell, but I did it.

Carla: Hey, Diane, you know, I was skeptical about you finding something, but I guess it won't kill me to come out and say... congratulations!
Diane: Oh, thank you, Carla.
[Carla grabs her throat and gasps for air, then drops to her knees before laying flat out on the floor]
Sam: Carla, get up, will ya?
Carla: [groans]

Sam: So, when do you start?
Diane: Um, well, I'm not sure yet.
Sam: How come?
Diane: Well, the job isn't exactly, officially, technically, completely, finally definite.
Carla: You don't have the job?
Diane: No. I've got the job.
Carla: You mean I poured out my heart for nothing? [pounds her head against the bar]

Diane: Carla, Carla, I have the job! I have the job! It's just that there's one small formality that has to be taken care of.
Sam: And that's what?
Diane: Well, Mr. Hedges said he wants a reference from my previous employer. He's going to call you tonight. And you are going to say wonderful things about me, aren't you, Sam?
Coach: Sam, we're going to need more red wine here.
Sam: OK. I will tell him that you are the best cocktail waitress I've ever seen in my entire life. And then I'll tell him that I'd like to sell him some land in Florida that I own.
Coach: No kidding? Where is it? We might be neighbors.

Norm: [on the phone] Vera? It's Norm. How are you doing? Great. So, what are you up to? You have a date? Yes, I'm hurt. I know it's been two weeks, but... You know, it so happens that I have a date myself. Yeah, I've been getting around. You don't believe me? [Carla nudges Norm] She's right here. You can talk to her yourself.
Carla: [sultry voice] Hello. Mrs. Peterson, thank you for letting Normie go. He's such an animal. I've never known a man who can thrill me the way he does. He touches me and I'm a woman. A total, quivering woman. [hangs up]
Norm: All right. Thanks, Carla. Say, Carla, you wanna maybe, like, get some coffee or something?
Carla: Get real.

Coach: [answers phone] Yeah, Cheers. Yeah, he's in the back. Who can I say is calling? Hedges?
Diane: Coach, that's my boss!
Coach: [shouts] Are you the Ducky Hedges who owes me 50 bucks? Oh, sure, anybody can say they're not him!
Diane: No, Coach!
Coach: What was the color of Red Wilson's hair? Ducky! You bet I'm an idiot for ever loaning you 50 bucks! You no good chiseller! I loaned you that money and you thought I was gonna forget about it. Well, I fooled ya! I remembered it.
Sam: Coach, come on, let me have it.
Coach: Give it back when you're through.

Sam: [on the phone] Hello? Yeah, this is Sam Malone. No, I've been expecting your call. You probably want to know about Diane Chambers, right? Well, I can make this simple. She's, uh... She's brilliant, she's competent, she's efficient. I recommend her completely. What's that? Man to man? Yeah, what do you wanna know? Well, I don't think I wanna answer that question. No, I don't think I wanna answer it.
Diane: Answer it!
Sam: Yeah, I've seen her naked.
Diane: [takes the phone] Hello, Mr. Hedges, this is Diane Chambers. You are the most rotten, disgusting pig. I wouldn't work for you if it was... How much? Does that include medical? Oh, what am I saying? I wouldn't take your job if it were the last in Boston! [hangs up]
Norm: Told him, Diane.

Cliff: Here, here.
Diane: Well, I guess I'm not going to get any purely professional offers.
Sam: Listen, why don't you just come back here to the bar? I mean, this is where you belong. This is where your people are, where your friends are, where your big guy are.
Diane: Where my heart are.
Sam: Yeah. Hey, guys, I think she's coming back.
[As the guys cheer, Carla starts banging her head against the bar again]

Diane: Why did you rehire me just now?
Sam: Well, I hired you because you're the best combination girlfriend-waitress in the city. And you stink as a waitress. [kisses Diane]
Diane: Exactly what I thought! You hired me for sexual purposes. Just like that swine, Mr. Hedges, wanted to do.
Sam: Oh, come on! It's completely different.
Diane: How is it completely different?
Sam: Well, it... All right. All right, for instance you're nuts about me.
Diane: Yes, but who knows, in time I may have become nuts about him. Well, we had a few things in common. We both find me adorable. [laughs] This is serious!