Lana: Tibor, I think it's time to get to the Garden.
Tibor Svetkovic: I'm late. After game, your room?
Lana: No, Tibor, I think I'm going to be busy tonight.
Tibor Svetkovic: OK, goodbye. And this concludes another day of programming. Sooner or later, you'll own General.
Norm: Poor guy should really think about wearing a helmet.

Lana: All these people at the bar and no one introduced us.
Diane: No, they didn't.
Lana: I'd like to thank each and every one of them. [exits]
Diane: Me, too.

[on TV commercial:]
Announcer: Now for Fields Light Beer, former Red Sox pitcher, Luis Tiant.
Luis Tiant: After the game, I like to sit back, light up a cigar and enjoy a Fields Light Beer.
Sam: Hey, Luis.
Luis Tiant: Hey, Sam. When you get to be my age, 30, you don't want to get filled up. That's why I drink Field Beer. It's refreshing, satisfying, and you don't full feel with Field, you just full fine. Full feel with Field, you full fine.
Man: Sorry, Luis, I don't think you've got it. I'm pulling you out.
Luis Tiant: Skipper, let me stay.
Man: Sorry, big guy. Go get them, Mayday.
Announcer: Now pitching, Sam Mayday Malone.
Sam: Fields, it's refreshing, it's satisfying, and you don't feel full with Fields, you just feel fine.

Norm: Coach, two bottles of Fields right here. Normally I wouldn't use that to shampoo my dog but, Sammy, you just sold me.

Coach: Sammy, you could sell me ice cubes in the middle of summer.
Carla: You're in showbiz now. You're a star.
Coach: Sam. Sam, could you introduce me to Gene Tierney?
Sam: I don't know Gene Tierney, Coach.
Coach: OK, be that way.

Diane: Sam, let's talk.
Sam: There's nothing to talk about.
Diane: It's important. Come back to the office now.
Carla: Uh-oh. Sammy's in trouble with Miss Chambers again.
Norm & Cliff: [taunting] Sammy's in trouble with Chambers, Sammy's in trouble with Chambers...

Sam: You're sure you wanna hear this?
Diane: I'll stop you before I get the vapors.
Sam: You see, my relationship... Lana and I are a lot friendlier than most agents and clients.
Diane: Friendlier?
Sam: Hey, you know me. I mean, I'm never against a wild night of friend-making, but... There's some... Now I feel that I'm supposed to be friendly on demand.
Diane: And you're afraid she'll stop getting you commercials if you stop... being friendly?
Sam: See, when you play in the bigs like I did, you get used to a lot of attention. And when I stopped playing baseball, I felt like there was something missing in my life. I was just hoping that these commercials would get it back for me.

Sam: Does this mean that you're no longer my agent?
Lana: Sam, what kind of person would I have to be to drop you as a client just because of this?
Sam: A dragon lady.
Lana: I'm no dragon lady.
Sam: Good.
Lana: But I am gonna drop you. I've learned from past experience that once you've had an intimate relationship with a client, you can't go back to being just business associates. Perhaps it's time for me to find a new face.
Norm: Hey, my face is new.
Lana: Good, then you still have time to return it.
Norm: She's good, Sam.

Sam: So, that's it?
Lana: Yep.
Sam: Good luck in finding a replacement for me in the Hawaii commercial.
Lana: If it takes me longer than six minutes, I'll quit.
Sam: Boy, she is good.

Sam: Come on, admit it. I was good. Hey, come on, say it. I was good.
Diane: You were OK.
Sam: I wasn't OK, I was good. What's it gonna do, kill you to admit it?
Diane: All right. You were... [stutters]
Sam: Good. Good.
Diane: You were OK. You were good. And you did the right thing.
Sam: Thanks. Hey, listen. Before you came to work at this bar, I never thought that much about morality and integrity. You've made me aware of all that stuff for the first time.
Diane: Thank you, Sam.
Sam: That's why I'm firing you. You can leave your apron right there...