Cliff: Hey, Paul. No hard feelings, huh?
Paul: No. [they shake hands]
Cliff: It's just that, you know, the Sears catalog came out this week and it puts kind of a strain on me.

Sam: Oh, Diane. Listen, I've been to a couple of these things before so I know what they're looking for. Basically, it's personality and customer service and all that kind of thing, but a nice appearance can't hurt, you know what I mean?
Diane: Sex?
Sam: No, not sex. Just a nice appearance. That's all. Like, for example, if you lowered your blouse just a little off the shoulders...
Diane: Absolutely not!
Sam: Hey, come on, just to check it out. Come on. Hey, that's very nice. That's very nice. Maybe mess your hair up just a bit.
Diane: Oh.
Sam: That's nice. Lean against the bar here. That's good. Put your elbow up here, like that. Wet your lips a little at the top. Pout. That's good.
Diane: I thought you said the judges weren't looking for sex.
Sam: They're not. I am.

Carla: Come clean. One minute you're against this stupid contest, the next minute you're all for it. What's up?
Diane: You don't like this contest, do you, Carla?
Carla: It's a sham.
Diane: Carla, you'll be happy to hear that I am going to bring this contest to its knees.
Carla: Ooh, I like it so far.
Diane: When they introduce me, I'm going to make a statement denouncing those responsible for this outrage.
Carla: Oh, I love it! I love it. You know, there aren't many things about you that I like. In fact, there is nothing about you that I like. But I always say all great friendships start with one small act of vengeance. [laughs]

Diane: What do you think I am?
Sam: Are you kidding me? I just thought you were cute. I mean, is that such a big deal? Cheers has never won this before. I thought it might be nice if we did. I thought it might be nice if you won it for us. I mean, I didn't even think. I just picked up the silly picture and sent it in.
Diane: By the way, where did you get that picture?
Sam: [mumbles] I... Well, you know, I found it.
Diane: Found it where?
Sam: Well, as a matter of fact, you were pretty careless. I found it lying around in your wallet.

Coach: Norm, hold this for me.
Norm: Oh, what smells great, Coach?
Norm: I just came from the barbershop. They put on that zingy aftershave stuff.
Cliff: Oh, that explains why all these flies are dying here, Coach.

Sam: Hey, everybody, I want your attention. They picked the finalists for the Miss Boston Barmaid contest. And this year, Cheers is gonna win.
Carla: Finally, they're letting in preggos!
Sam: No, no, no. Carla, it's not you. It's Diane.
Coach: Sam, Diane's pregnant?
Sam: No, no. She's a finalist, Coach.

Diane: What's up? Come on! I hate this. Tell me.
Sam: Really, it's nothing at all.
Diane: Something in the paper, eh? "The Miss Boston Barmaid compet-" Oh, I hate female contests with every fiber of my being. [All the guys but Sam walk away] Why did you want me to see this?
Sam: Uh, just to make sure that you felt the same way about it that we did.
Norm: Disgusting.
Coach: Terrible.
Diane: What kind of a ninny would let herself be entered in a contest like that?
Carla: This kind.
Diane: That's me!
Carla: Takes guts to admit it.

Diane: [on the phone] Oh, yes, I would like to speak to the person in charge of female dehumanization. What do you mean, "Speaking"? This is in regard to the Miss Boston Barmaid competition. I am Diane Chambers and I have something to say about this contest. And all contests like it. I only wish the whole world could hear what I have to say. There will be reporters there? From all the major papers? Well, I guess if a contestant had a few things to say, this would be an excellent forum for 'em. [laughs] Yes. Yes, I am every bit as cute as my picture. Thank you. I'll see you at the contest.

Sam: Hey, Diane. I have just one thing to say to you, and I mean this. You stay in this contest, or we're no longer friends.
Diane: I'm staying in the contest.
Sam: Wow. Really?
Diane: Yes.
Sam: Hey, Diane! You go to bed with me tonight, or we're no longer friends. [Diane slaps Sam] Well, I guess you can just push friendship so far.

Norm: I just checked out the competition. They look even better up close.
Cliff: Eh, none of those girls have got what I'm looking for, Normie.
Norm: What's that?
Cliff: Low standards.