Frasier: Oh, Woody. Our baby-sitter just canceled. Could you sit with Frederick tonight?
Woody: Okay.
Frasier: Oh, great, Woody. Thanks. [dials phone]
Woody: Yeah, I'm used to it. I used to baby-sit a lot back in Hanover, well, before the incident.
Frasier: [hangs up] You know I think Lilith's mother owes us a favor. Thanks anyway, Woody.
Rebecca: Oh, good, Woody, come here for a minute. Listen, I'm gonna go out of town for the weekend and I want you to feed my cat. Now I know it's an imposition, but, you know...
Woody: Okay.
Rebecca: Well, you're really good with animals, aren't you?
Woody: Well, yeah. I mean, I had lots of pets back in Hanover before the incident.
Rebecca: Yeah, Woody, on second thought, I'm gonna ask my next-door neighbor, but thanks anyway.
Paul: Hey, Woody, that's a really clever trick. You get out of doing anything with that.
Woody: Yeah. Just wish I'd thought of it before the incident.

Frasier: Sam, can you be at our place in about an hour?
Sam: You bet. Where are you guys going tonight?
Frasier: Oh, well, I'm proud to tell you that my lovely wife is being honored tonight by the scientific community for her contributions to the study of sensory deprivation.
Lilith: It was serendipitous, I admit. I'd returned to the lab after a two-week holiday to find that I'd locked my lab assistant in the isolation tank. Suffice it to say, what could have been an ugly lawsuit turned into an award-winning paper.

Kelly: I don't even know how to get a job.
Norm: Kelly, come over here, here. Want ads. Okay? Plenty of jobs in there. If you can't find anything there, call an employment agency. Plenty of places to get a job.
Cliff: Hey, you know, Norm, for a guy who's unemployed, you certainly know a lot about getting work.
Norm: Well, Cliff, I know a lot about water, too, but you don't see me drinking it.

Woody: Hey, Kelly, guess what? Ms. Howe said you can work here.
Kelly: Really? Oh, that's great. Oh, thanks, Ms. Howe.
Rebecca: Oh, welcome aboard, Kelly.
Kelly: I can't believe I have a real job.
Rebecca: [hands Kelly an apron] You know what to do with this.
Kelly: Wow, I sure do. [goes to tie it around her neck] Do you guys have lobster for lunch every day?

Lilith: Frasier, can I speak with you? I don't know how comfortable I feel with this setup. He's just a baby. He needs supervision.
Frasier: Well, Sam can take care of it.
Lilith: I'm talking about Sam. You know how out of control he can get at times, what a mess he can make of everything.
Frasier: Well, Sam can clean it up. Oh, you're talking about Sam.
Lilith: I'm talking about Sam.
Frasier: Darling, it'll just be for a few hours.
Lilith: All right. But if anything goes wrong, he could be scarred for life.
Frasier: You mean Sam, right?
Lilith: Yes, and it is a threat.

Sam: Say, Carla, I'm, uh, baby-sitting tonight. You got any advice for me?
Carla: Sure. Here's everything you need to know about babies. Remember, you're the boss.
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Don't let him give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby, stick a bottle in their mouths.
Sam: Great. Okay, great.
Kelly: Okay, I'm ready.
Carla: Okay. Here's everything you need to know about customers. Remember, you're the boss. Don't let 'em give you any lip. And if they start to act crabby, just stick a bottle in their mouths.
Phil: Hey, Miss. I ordered a beer. [Carla walks over and sticks a bottle of beer in Phil's mouth]

Norm: Kelly, can I have a beer, please?
Kelly: Okay, let me go get Woody.
Norm: Oh, no, you don't need Woody. Come here. I'm gonna show you how it's done. Take a glass, stick it underneath this black lever here, okay? Voila, you have a beer. Now there's a, uh, black book underneath the cash register. It says "Norm's tab" on it.
Kelly: You mean this one here with all these little marks?
Norm: Right. Now, Kelly, each one of these little marks represents a beer that I've purchased in advance. Every time I order one, you have to take this eraser and, uh, erase one of those little marks. Don't forget to erase now. I don't want any free beers!
Kelly: Okay, Mr. Peterson.
Norm: Thank you.
Cliff: Unbelievable! I'm in the presence of sheer genius.
Norm: Thank you, Cliffy. Kelly, can I have another beer for my dear friend Clifford Clavin? And what the heck, take it off my tab.

Kelly: Carla, I need to ask you some questions for my paper, since you're my co-worker. How do you feel that the work experience has enriched your life?
Carla: It's given me varicose veins, stomach acid, lower back pain and a complete hatred for all mankind.
Kelly: That's great. And what would you say are the negative aspects?
Carla: Just do the dishes.
Kelly: Yeah. I hate that one, too. We have an Australian couple that do it at home.

Kelly: What did you want to talk about, Woody?
Woody: Well, Kelly, you don't really like this place all that much, do you?
Kelly: Oh, sure I do. I love this place. It's keen.
Woody: Oh, boy. Kelly, Cheers is not such a great place.
Kelly: Well, what do you mean, Woody?
Woody: Oh, I mean it's nice on the surface, but when you get right down to it, there's a dark side to Cheers.
Kelly: Really?
Woody: Aw, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, you're so naive. Nobody respects anybody here. Oh, they're nice to your face, but as soon as you turn around, they're plotting some way to get rid of you. And they never do their own dirty work. Nope. No, no. They wouldn't stoop to that. They'd rather use some poor innocent farm boy to carry out their sinister deeds while they go prancing off to get a facial! Well, I'm not doing it anymore! I quit!
Kelly: Then I quit, too! Bye, everybody.

Kelly: Carla, I just waited on a man at table 5 and he left too much money on the table. Should we go find him?
Carla: No, uh, you see, this is what we call a tip. It's a little monetary gift for the head waitress.
Kelly: Here you go. Boy, do I feel dumb.
Carla: Oh, no, you're just new.