Sam: [on the phone] Listen, I have a question for you, Tony. Uh, are your arms broken as well, or is it j-just the legs? Just the legs are shattered. [quietly] All right! Say, all right, Tony, maybe if I showed up there with some scissors I could lean over the bed and... Tony? Tony, don't- don't pass out on me, man. Hello? Who's this? You're his nurse? Ah, great. Listen, honey, do you cut hair by any chance? Hello? Shoot! [hangs up] I hate this. I can hear the little hairs scraping along my collar. Can you hear that, or is that just me?

Lilith: Step down. Step down. Step down.
Norm: Hi.
[A man from Frasier's group runs out of the bar]
Frasier: Wouldn't you know, it's always the one that talks big in the office.
[Another man runs away]
Frasier: Oh, that's right, that's his ride. Oh. Well, all right, uh, the rest of you, uh, mingle. [chuckles] No, no. Boys, what we're doing here is huddling. You do know the difference between huddling and mingling?
Man: [mumbles] I know how to mingle. I just don't want to mingle with people I don't know.
Frasier: Yes, that's right, Lester. [chuckles]
Norm: Frasier, I didn't quite catch that.
Frasier: Truth be told, neither did l. I haven't understood a thing the poor sap's said in years.

Sam: Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Woody: I think so.
Sam: Oh, is that some of your barber humor?
Woody: Come on, lighten up, Sam! [grabs a pair of hedge clippers] Say, where's your sense of humor, man? Whoo! [spins Sam's chair] Airplane ride? Whoo!
Sam: Don't, don't do that.
Woody: Round trip? [again] Whoo! So you from around here?
Sam: Woody, just get to it, will you, please?
Woody: Hey, suit yourself. Same price. [turns the shaver on and drops it down Sam's back] It's all right, Sam. Okay.

Woody: Oops.
Sam: What do you mean, "oops"? What's going on back there?
Woody: Oh, nothing, Sam. Uh, say, when you came in, did you have gum in your hair?
Sam: No. Why?
Woody: No reason. I'm just trying to pass the time of day.
Sam: Aw. Damn it, Woody, you got gum in my hair, didn't you?
Woody: Uh, no, no. Here, here. [shaver buzzing] There. Out.
Sam: What's it look like?
Woody: It's got a lot of hair in it.
Sam: Give me that other mirror. Give me the other mirror, Woody! [Woody runs out] Woody!

Cliff: So, uh, Wynken, Blynken and Nod.... I know they're alive. I can hear them breathing.

Frasier: So uh, what are we talking about here?
Derek: Oh, I'm sorry, Dr. Crane. We were kind of making fun of somebody.
Frasier: Oh, no. No need to be sorry. Listen, it's a perfectly healthy sign. It, it means that you're interacting, that you're feeling better about yourselves. So, uh, what were you saying about this poor sap? [laughter]
Derek: That he's a pompous fool.
Frasier: Oh, Cliff is just trying to fit in.
Paul: We weren't talking about Cliff. We were talking about you, "egghead." [laughter]
Frasier: Me?

Frasier: Oh, this is not therapy. This is just childish abuse. So we put an end to it right here. This, this session is over, right now. Remember, it's a fee and a half... because it's a field trip.
Derek: Gee, maybe we should go apologize to him.
Cliff: He's charging you a fee and a half, and you want to apologize?
Derek: Well, what should we do?
Norm: Pants him.
Cliff: There you go.
Derek: Yeah. Yeah, let's pants him!
Syd: Let's go for it.

Woody: Sam, why aren't you talking to me? Sam?
Cliff: Woody? I think he's ignoring you.
Woody: Is that true, Sam?
Sam: You know for a minute there I thought I heard something. A little tiny voice of a nothing jerk bartender.
Woody: Me?
Sam: I think I was wrong. I think it was just a tiny little insignificant bug.
Woody: Well, that's very funny Sam, but it's not a tiny little insignificant bug. It's your assistant bartender, good old Woody.
Sam: [swats the bar] I think I got it.

Man: Please, miss, can I just have my beer?
Carla: All right. I'm gonna give you one last chance, and this is a gimme. What was the year of Elvis' big comeback special?
Man: '72.
Carla: You're pathetic.
Man: Hey, I paid for that beer.
Carla: Well, then I guess you just should have studied, huh?

Norm: Hey, Fras.
Frasier: Don't "Hey, Fras" me. After the way you people behaved today, you're lucky I am even speaking to you. How dare you treat me like that in front of my patients! I have been your friend, your confidante, your unpaid therapist for years. And how do you show your gratitude? By humiliating me, by making me a- a laughingstock.
Norm: Come on, Fras, those guys were scared stiff of you. That's why they weren't getting anywhere. We were just trying to bring you down a peg, you know?
Cliff: Yeah, come on, Fras, you've got to admit, uh, sometimes you get up on that high horse of yours.
Frasier: High horse?! Well, I never.