Sam: It's our fault, really, you know. If we'd chipped in together, we could have gotten her something nice.
Coach: Well, it's not too late. We can still give her a surprise. Just buy her a real gift.
Cliff: Well, I'm a knowledgeable shopper. I'll be happy to take charge of Operation Make-Good.
Norm: Wait a second here. Are we sure we want Cliff to handle this? He's likely to go off and buy something kind of tasteless.
Sam: Yeah, but none of us will know the difference.
Norm: All right, Cliffie, you're our man.

Frasier: Hello, my dearest darling.
Diane: Frasier! [sneezes]
Frasier: Gesundheit. Diane, I've reconsidered. I was quite unyielding this morning. And I now realize your happiness comes first, so I must give up Pavlov.
Diane: Are you sure? [sneezes]
Frasier: Yes, I'm sure. Of course, I can't just put the little tyke out on the streets. I mean, I've got to find him the best possible home. That could be a lengthy process.
Sam: I'll take her.
Diane: Frasier, I realize that this may...
Sam: I mean, if the dog is the only thing standing between you, then if I take her away, everything will be fine for Diane, right? And I love dogs, Frasier. I'll give her a great home. I will.
Frasier: Well, there we are, then. Done, Sam, done and by golly, done. She's yours.
Sam: Good. Well, that should clear just about everything up, huh?
Frasier: I should say so. And we're mighty grateful too, Sam. Aren't we, Diane?
Diane: Oh, my, yes. In fact, do you want to hear something funny? Just knowing that the dog is going, I'm already feeling better. No more allergies. [sneezes in Frasier's face]
Sam: Gesundheit.

Frasier: Hello, Sam.
Sam: Hey, Frasier, what can I get you?
Frasier: Well, I've got a pretty heavy patient load this afternoon. Why don't you make it a triple stinger and a beer chaser. No, let me have a club soda.

Sam: By the way, how are Pavlov's allergies now that I got Diane?
Frasier: Well, you know, these things don't clear up overnight. The latest symptom is a recurring voice change.
Sam: A what?
Frasier: You'll have to hear it. I don't think words can do it justice.

Cliff: Hey, Carla. Many happy returns.
Carla: No thanks. No more hilarious gifts, OK? My sides are still sore from last week.
Sam: Carla, it's a very nice gift.
Carla: Oh, yeah? What does it do? Explode, stink, or make disgusting sounds?
Norm: No, no, no. This is the real gift, Carla. [whispers to Cliff] Which better be good.
Carla: [gasps as she unwraps a sweater] Oh. Oh, this is beautiful. Oh, I love this. This is perfect. This makes up for everything, I think. Well... You know, it's not easy for me to say thanks, but thanks, guys. [exits]
Sam: Hey, way to go, Cliff!
Cliff: Hey, you haven't heard the best part though. The longer you wear it, the body heat makes the words, "l am horny as a hoot owl" appear right on the back. [laughs]
Norm: Get him out of here.

Diane: [nasally voice] Hello, everyone. Hello, sweetheart.
Frasier: Hello, Diane.
Diane: [sneezes] Aren't you going to say gesundheit?
Frasier: Diane, I'm afraid we've moved past gesundheit. We're now on our way to "stuff a sock in it".
Diane: Frasier.
Frasier: I'm sorry. You know I was joking.

Sam: How come you still have allergies if I've got Diane?
Diane: [nasally] Diane?
Frasier: That's what he calls Pavlov. Don't ask.

Frasier: Well, Diane, are you feeling any better?
Diane: [nasally] There are obviously still traces of Pavlov in the apartment, which I cannot remove.
Frasier: And she's really tried. So far, I've had it fumigated, I've had all the furniture reupholstered, I've had the wallpaper steamed off.
Frasier: Looks darned good, incidentally. We discovered natural brick on most of one wall. I think the place really needed redecorating.
Diane: Sweetheart, how would you feel about linoleum in the living room?
Frasier: What?
Diane: Well, a lot of people have done it. I'm almost sure I've seen pictures- [goes to sneeze]
Frasier: That's it, that's it, that's it! I can't take it any more! Denial, evasion, repression. I devoted myself professionally to fighting all of these and now I'm wading in them upstream.
Diane: Okay, okay, keep the carpet!
Frasier: Diane, we're both intelligent enough to know how often allergic reactions are psychosomatic.
Sam: Gee, there's a thought.

Diane: [goofy voice] Well, Sam, aren't you going to gloat?
Sam: [goofy voice] I like to think I'm above that, Diane.
Norm: Now, am I nuts, or is that kind of sexy?

Diane: Frasier, do you know that there's a Kurosawa film festival playing at Cambridge?
Frasier: Well, Diane, I'm not really in the mood to go... Kurosawa, you say?
Diane: Kurosawa and I'm really in the mood.
Frasier: Well, I could see his films again and again and again...
Diane: Sam, could I have the afternoon off, please?
Frasier: Yes, Sam, you wouldn't want to stand between me and Diane and The Seven Samurai, would you?
Sam: No, no. I hope all nine of you have a wonderful time.