Carla: Yeah, I better give her my present now, too.
Sam: You- You gave Rebecca a present, too? You don't even like her. What are you doing?
Carla: It's a Christmas tradition, Sam. It's called kissing up.
Woody: Yeah, and besides, I'd sure feel like a doofus if I didn't get anything for Miss Howe, and she got all those wonderful presents for us.
Sam: Oh, man! I didn't get her anything.
Carla: Oh, well, don't feel bad, Sam. I mean, just because everybody else got her something. The pretzel salesman, the beer distributor, the relief bartender, that guy she fired after one day.
Sam: Yeah, yeah, yeah, wait a minute, though. All those guys are just trying to get her in the sack. I got some shopping to do.

Lilith: Where's Sam? I've got a little something for him.
Woody: Oh, he went to buy a gift for Miss Howe.
Carla: Oh, too bad he didn't wait around. He could have just given her this.
Lilith: I don't think so. That's mentholated preshave for tough beards.
Carla: Oh. Just as well. That's what I got her.

Tracy: Are you all right?
Sam: No. No, I'm trying to get a gift for my boss. Everything's closed, I'm cold, it's wet and I'm miserable.
Tracy: Well, I've got plenty of presents here. Maybe you could use one of these?
Sam: Well... you must be an angel. You don't have wings under there, do you?
Tracy: Mm-hmm.
Sam: What?
Tracy: I'm a stewardess.
Sam: Oh. Oh. Oh, God. Oh, bless your heart. Hey!
Tracy: Well, let's let's see what I've got.
Sam: Oh, thank you. Okay. Oh, well. What's this, uh, this one right here?
Tracy: Oh, those are ear muffs. But you don't want those, they're too impersonal and boring.
Sam: No, they'd be perfect for her.
Tracy: Your boss is a her?
Sam: Yeah, well rumor has it.

Tracy: Oh, well, I've got some things that I bought for myself she might like.
Sam: No, no, the ear muffs are perfect. Let me just write you out a check here.
Tracy: Oh, how 'bout a nice silk teddy? Mm, I love to lounge around in my house with this.
Sam: Oh, yeah?
Tracy: Mm. Mm-hmm.
Sam: Uh, what- What else did you buy for yourself in there?
Tracy: A black lace garter belt.
Sam: Ooh.
Tracy: Trust me, you can never have too many of these.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Tracy: Let's see, we have baby dolls [Sam chuckles] and a short kimono...
Sam: Merry Christmas, Sammy.
Tracy: ...and a satin camisole.
Sam: Mmm!

Carla: What's with all the bowls full of jelly?
Norm: Just having a little get-together after work. Kind of a class reunion, you know?
Woody: Wow, you guys all went to the same school?
Norm: Santa school. It covered all the basics. The hair, the makeup, how to talk the kids into asking for the big-ticket items.

Lilith: Sam.
Sam: Yeah?
Lilith: Please accept this Merry Christmas from Frasier and me.
Sam: Oh, hey, wow, that's great. Thank you very much. Listen, I got you something, too. Um, I left it over in my, uh, other, uh, apartment. Can, l, uh, can I get it for you next week?
Lilith: Of course, whenever you'd like, Sam.
Frasier: Or whenever you get a chance to buy it.
Lilith: Ignore him, Sam, he has a bug up his chimney.

Rebecca: Woody, Carla, Sam. These are just little tokens of appreciation from me to you.
Sam: Oh, my you got us presents?
Carla: Oh, wow!
Rebecca: You know, there were so many choices, but I think I done good.
Woody: A coffee mug with the corporate logo.
Carla: A night shirt with the corporate logo.
Sam: Yeah, well...
Carla: Thanks.
Sam: Thanks. That's great.
Rebecca: You're welcome. Oh, and know that I don't expect anything in return.
Woody: Oh, um, we got you gifts.
Rebecca: Yay!

Sam: Here, why don't you, uh, open mine first there?
Rebecca: "To Rebecca from Sam." Oh, you shouldn't have gone to the trouble.
Sam: Oh, just a little something to keep your ears warm.
Rebecca: [gasps] My God. Diamond earrings. I don't believe this!
Sam: I don't either. [mutters]
Carla: I thought I was a kiss up, but Sammy wins the pucker sweepstakes.
Woody: Hey, if he got her diamonds, I wonder what he got us.
Carla: Yeah.
Woody: Oh, big whoop. A wallet.
Carla: Thanks for the soap, Sam. Ooh, and it's pink, too.

Sam: Uh, listen, I'm sorry about the mix up here, but my boss seems to really love the diamond earrings. Can I buy them from you maybe?
Tracy: Well, they were for my mother. They cost $500.
Sam: $500? Um, I'll be right back. Rebecca?
Rebecca: Sam, uh... I don't know what to say. I'm really overwhelmed by your generous gift, but I think it's inappropriate.
Sam: You mean you're you're giving it back? You don't you don't want to keep it?
Rebecca: I think I should.
Sam: Oh, well if that's the way you feel, but I l want you to know that I wouldn't have bought these for you unless I wanted you to have them.
Rebecca: Well, they are pretty. Thank you.
Sam: Is that "thank you" you're giving them back to me, or "thank you" you're going to keep them?
Rebecca: I'm afraid that I've misjudged you. You're very sweet. [kisses Sam on the cheek]
Sam: Aw.
Rebecca: Would you like to come over to my house tonight for a late supper?
Sam: Well, that sounds very inviting.
Rebecca: And I'll wear my new earrings.
Sam: [to himself] And very little else.

Tracy: No, I'm just going to go over to my mom's house. She's probably still up getting everything ready for tomorrow.
Sam: Yeah.
Tracy: You know, baking the bread and icing the cookies and stuffing the turkey.
Woody: Stuffing?
Tracy: Oh, yeah, my mom makes it from scratch.
Woody: Gee, so does mine.
Tracy: Yeah, but does your mom make it bone dry?
Woody: You could gag on it. Hey, don't tell me. Do you have a manger scene on your front lawn?
Tracy: The biggest on our block.
Woody: Oh.
Tracy: The Wise Men are my favorite.
Woody: Oh, I love Balthasar.
Tracy: Oh, Balthasar's good, but Melchior, he's the best.
Sam: Okay, well... Listen, I'd introduce you two, but something tells me you've known each other for years.