Carla: Hold it. Hold it! Where is the trophy? Who moved it? Oh, come on. It's got to be around here somewhere.
Sam: Hey, now listen, this is not funny. Where is the trophy?
Norm: Wa-hay-hay hait a minute. This smacks of Gary.
Steve: Hey, you mean he had a spy in here?
Cliff: Yeah, hey, that's right. Who was that guy at the end of the bar drinking imported beer?
Norm: Mm-hmm. Very suspicious. You know none of us can afford that stuff.

Rebecca: That's it! I do not want this thing getting out of hand. If this bar becomes a high school locker room, my patronage, other than the Bowery Boys, will disappear.

Carla: It's Al. Hey, Al, why aren't you at Cheers?
Al: Holy mackerel, this isn't Cheers?

Carla: [laughs] Gary, Gary, I think maybe you ought to keep that back window locked. You know, people could sneak in here and steal some of this fine crystal.
Sam: Come, my little vandal, our job here is done.
Gary: You know what gets me about this, Malone? It's how weenie this stunt was. This is the best you could come up with? I am embarrassed, all right. Not for me, but for you.
Man: That's pretty small.
Sam: Oh, yeah?
Carla: I told you we should have fixed his brakes.
Sam: No, no. You think I'm humiliated? I'm not humiliated.
Al: Pretty weenie.
Sam: Now I'm humiliated.

Norm: [all laughing] Mess with us, huh? Wait till he finds the prune juice in his Kahlua.
Cliff: Yeah, what about the sneezing powder in the ventilation system, huh? That was the coup de ville, huh?
Tim: Yeah, Gary's messed around with the wrong guys. [all agreeing]
Norm: I wish I was there to see the stupid looks on their faces, you know?
[As Norm, Cliff and the guys sit down on their stools, they can barely see over the bar]

Sam: How could you do that?
Rebecca: How could I do what?
Sam: After all that's happened around here, you can go on a date with that rat? [patrons start to flee again]
Rebecca: Would you please not say that word?

Sam: Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. It's all taken care of here. [whistles] You all set?
Carla: Yep. Tool box, check. Coaxial cable, check. VCR, check. Tape. Check.
Sam: Good luck, babe.
Rebecca: Carla? Carla? Carla? You're not going to do anything illegal, are you?
Carla: What makes you say that?
[Carla pulls down her balaclava]

Sam: Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, guys. I had a rough night. I was out showing Gary's steady chick the time of her life. [laughs] Whoo. Did I miss anything?
Carla: No, no, just an average day. We refilled the pretzel bowls, played a little darts, pantsed Wade Boggs, watched a little TV.
Sam: Wait, you did what?
Carla: Oh, man, we thought it was another one of Gary's tricks. So that's who was running out there in his underwear in traffic.
Frasier: You know, you see Gary has pulled off the greatest, most ingenious trick of them all. He's gotten us to get ourselves.
Cliff: Frasier's right. We can't top this. Gary's beaten us.
Frasier: You know, it's really rather Machiavellian.

Rebecca: Good evening, everyone. You'll be glad to know I decided to take your advice and become more dynamic. I have just left a seminar that has changed my life. In a few short hours, I have become the essence of self assertiveness.
Sam: Five.
All: Four, three, two, one! [cheering]
Rebecca: What's going on here? What's going on? Hey, I run this place. What's happening? [cheering continues] [whistles]
Norm: Yeah!
Rebecca: If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on, I am gonna start crying.
Sam: Aw, we're sorry. Uh, we didn't know you were here.

Sam: [rings bell] Hear ye, hear ye. It's time for the ceremonial call to Gary's! The call!
All: The call! The call!
Sam: All right.
Norm: Yeah!
Sam: [on the phone] Hello, Gary. It's Sam Malone. Yeah, I was just calling to say hi, see how you're doing. No. You know, for the life of me, I- I can't think of what brought you to mind. No, wait a minute, may- Maybe it was because two years ago tonight, we waxed your heinie in bowling!
All: Yeah!
Sam: No, no. Oh, the poor sap is begging for a rematch. No. No, no. I'm sorry, Gary, no. No, there'll be no rematch. The moment of victory is frozen in time. That's right. Gar- Hello? Gary? [laughs] The guy is such a poor loser. Drinks on the house!