Carla: Let's storm the place! [loud excited chatter]
Sam: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come on, let's not turn this into mob rule here. Just a couple of guys go over and talk to him first. Come on.
Cliff: All right, Sam, I think you better take me because, uh, they got to be intimidated by the authority of my uniform.
Sam: Uh... Actually, I think I'll take Woody. You know, in case there's some trouble, I'd like to have someone young and strong around. Come on, Woody.
[As Woody tries to jump over the bar, he knocks a glass onto the floor and stumbles]

Carla: Oh! Our trophy! Oh, Sam! What did you do to Gary? Did you punch him right in the face?
Sam: Uh, n-not exactly, no. [clears throat]
Woody: He did ask out a waitress.

Carla: Let's go over to Gary's and torch the place! Come on!
Sam: Oh, no, no, come on, whoa, whoa. There's got to be a cooler way of doing this now. We got to use a little cunning.
Carla: Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to do something to Gary and make him really miserable.
Cliff: Why don't you marry him?
Carla: Why don't you?
Cliff: Why don't you?
Carla: Why don't you?
Cliff: You!
Carla: You!
Cliff: You!
Carla: You!

Gary: Uh-oh, Malone's back. And this time, he brought some muscle.
All: Ooh!
Carla: Sammy, I- I can't go through with this, not when this guy's taking shots at me.
Sam: No, no, that was a shot at me.
Carla: You're right. Okay.

Exterminator #1: Pest control. Where should we start?
Rebecca: Excuse me. What's this about?
Exterminator #1: Your rat problem.
Rebecca: Rat problem?
Exterminator #1: Aren't you the one that called about a rat problem?
Rebecca: No, of course not. No. We don't have rats. [the patrons start to flee]
Exterminator #2: Well, that's what we understand, ma'am. Rats in the building, big gray ones. That's why we're here.

Rebecca: Sam, did you call anyone about a rat problem?
Sam: No, no. We have a rat problem? Ew, God.
Rebecca: I didn't call, you didn't call. Who called?
Norm, Cliff & Carla: Gary.
Woody: How did he know we have rats?
Exterminator #1: Uh, look, if you need us, uh here's our card. [both "exterminators" laugh and run out]
Woody: Come again.
Sam: "Now that's a stunt. Love, Gary."
Rebecca: He's mine.

Cliff: Hey, hey, who's the chrome dome?
Alan: I don't know. I've never seen him before.
Cliff: Uh-huh.
Jensen: Afternoon. I'll have a draft.
Cliff: Excuse me there, uh, pal of mine.
Jensen: Yeah?
Cliff: Eh, what exactly are you, uh, doing in here?
Jensen: Getting a drink.
Norm: Aha. So, uh, you're not from the neighborhood, are you?
Jensen: No, no, I'm from Framingham. Uh, my wife's at Mass General. She just had a double bypass, and I thought I'd unwind a little with a drink. That okay?
Cliff: [pause] Sure.
Carla: Let's shave his head and put him on a bus! [all agreeing]
Jensen: Excuse me. On second thought, I think I'll check to see if they have a juice machine in the lCU.
Cliff: Yeah. You do that, pal. Hey, you tell Dr. Gary the gang at Cheers says hello.

Rebecca: Did anybody remember to grease the bar stools over at Gary's?
Norm: Oh yeah. Yeah, I did.
Rebecca: Woody, get this man his favorite.

Norm: What's up, buddy? I want to know, did you enjoy the, uh, fight the other night?
Cliff: Yeah. Who'd you bet on, Shelley or Keats?
Gary: You guys are great. I tell you, I didn't know you had it ya. You know what? This is going to go down in the annals of gags as one of the greatest. Here, give me your hands, guys. I got something better for you, though, than a trophy now.
Alan: Come on, Gare.
Gary: No, no, no. On the level. No crossed fingers, standing on both feet. I am a personal friend of Wade Boggs. The Wade Boggs, who was gonna come over to my place, sign some autographs, but I rerouted him over here. He should be here any minute. You take good care of him, okay? You guys are the greatest. I didn't know you had it in you. [laughs] Take care.

Rebecca: Who's Wade Boggs?
Norm: "Who's Wade Boggs?"! He's only the greatest third baseman in Red Sox history. Guy's a pure hitter. He's only popped up six times in five years.
Carla: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'm standing in a room full of idiots.
Rebecca: That's true. What's your point?
Carla: Gary's not gonna send the real Wade Boggs over to see us. He's gonna get some guy in a Wade Boggs suit, claiming to be Wade Boggs. We're all gonna slobber all over him, buy him drinks, beg him for autographs and Gary'll come in and bust a gut laughing at us.