‘Bar Wars’
Season 6, Episode 23 - Aired March 31, 1988
As the gang at Cheers celebrate two years since their victory over Gary's Olde Towne Tavern in bowling, they notice their trophy has been stolen, setting off a tit-for-tat series of pranks.
Quote from Cliff
Wade Boggs: Excuse me.
Woody: Can I help you?
Wade Boggs: Yeah, uh, Gary sent me over to sign some autographs. Hi, I'm Wade Boggs.
Woody: Hi.
Norm: Wade Boggs, huh? [chuckles] Yeah, how you doing? I'm Babe Ruth.
CLilith: Yeah, I'm his, uh, good friend Dizzy Dean.
Woody: And I'm Woody Boyd.
Carla: Are you sure that isn't Wade Boggs? I mean, it really looks like him.
Cliff: Oh, Carla, come on. That's not Wade Boggs. Wade Boggs is a big, strapping lad like myself.
Quote from Cliff
Norm: Uh, Mr., uh, Wade Boggs, what, uh what are we batting these days? Something like .360, huh?
Wade Boggs: .361.
Norm: Oh.
Rebecca: Well, welcome to Cheers, Mr. [gruff voice] Wade Boggs.
Wade Boggs: I thought you folks were, uh, Red Sox fans.
Cliff: Oh, yeah, we're, we're Red Sox fans. [chuckling] Sure, Mr. Wade Boggs. As a matter of fact, uh, we'd, uh, like to give you a nice welcome that we give all great sports stars that happen by to Cheers here. [laughs]
Wade Boggs: Maybe I ought to get out of here.
Cliff: Hurry, guys! Let's get him!
Quote from Cliff
Carla: Man, that guy was a lot quicker than he looked.
Norm: Yeah. Let's, uh, check out this guy's wallet. Find out who this joker really was. Yeah, this, uh, this guy's name was... Wade Boggs. Wait.
Woody: Wow, what a coincidence.
Norm: Well, I guess Gary went to a lot of trouble to make up fake l.D.'s for this guy and credit cards and photo of him with Jim Rice and Dwight Evans.
Quote from Carla
Carla: Hey. Come on, guys. So we've been humiliated in every sport. We've still got something that Gary can't take away.
Norm: Our pride?
Carla: Hell, no. We never had that. We have got the great Wade Boggs' pants!
Rebecca: Well, it's either this or nothing.
Alan: We're number one!
All: We're number one! We're number one! We're number one! We're number one! We're number one!
Al: Pretty weenie.
Quote from Rebecca
Gary: [enters] Hello, everyone. [all booing] Thank you, thank you. You're too kind. May I please see the manager?
Rebecca: I'm the manager. Can I help you?
Gary: Oh, so you're the manager. Finally something in this place worth looking at. I'm, uh, Gary from the Olde Towne Tavern.
Rebecca: Well, well, well. I never expected to see you step foot in this bar. Now I can call the exterminator.
Gary: Oh, gee, I'm sorry you feel that way. Although I can't say I blame you. Things did kind of get out of hand, but hey, we're both professionals here. Why don't we just call this whole thing off before we lose any more customers? Look, uh, I have to admit, that when I first heard that you personally authorized some of these pranks, I was a little ticked off myself. But now that I've met you, why don't we call that water under the bridge, and have a new era of peaceful coexistence? Hmm?
Rebecca: All right. Truce.
Gary: Whoa, I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Do you mind if I call you sometime and maybe we go out for a cup of coffee?
Rebecca: Sure, why not? I like coffee.
Gary: Uh, see ya. [exits]