Sam: Any of you guys know him?
Cliff: No, trust me, Sam. The man's never been in this place before. I'm very good at placing faces.
Carla: Yeah? Then place yours where we can't see it.

Sam: Hey, instead of your usual, I thought you might like a Manhattan.
Eddie: Well, a Manhattan is my usual.
Sam: Gotcha! [chuckles] Yeah, how's work doing?
Eddie: Fine.
Sam: You still work in the same place? What was the name of that? It's got a real funny name-
Eddie: My house.
Sam: My house. Right! I still get a kick out of that.
Eddie: Yeah, I'm still working the same crummy job, stuffing envelopes, but I'm glad you find that funny.
Sam: Well, I didn't mean funny in the humorous sense. I meant funny more in the... Who the hell are you?
Eddie: I'm Eddie Gordon.
Sam: Eddie... Eddie Gordon? I don't know who Eddie Gordon is.

Eddie: About a year ago, you bet me your bar you could marry Jacqueline Bisset by midnight tomorrow.
Sam: I bet? Oh, come on, who the hell would... Oh, Eddie Gordon. Jeez, how the hell are you, Eddie?
Eddie: Is it coming back to you, Sam?
Sam: Yeah. I'm a little hazy, I had a few too many that night.
Eddie: No, no, you had a lot too many that night.
Sam: Well, I was going through a rough period.
Eddie: So, how are you and Jackie getting along? You know, I felt a little slighted when I wasn't invited to the wedding.
Sam: Boy, I must have been drinking tequila, huh? Yeah, I always want Jacqueline Bisset when I drink tequila.
Eddie: But I bet you don't always write it down, signing your name in front of witnesses.
Sam: Whoo. I did that, too, huh?
Eddie: Yeah. Keep it, it's a copy.

Sam: If you're serious about this, you don't have a leg to stand on.
Carla: Most snakes don't.
Eddie: We'll find out in court. Yeah, my attorney, he's looked it over and he says we've got a shot. Sam. don't get upset, you're still going to have your job. I'm going to need a bartender. [exits]
Diane: You actually went out drinking with that man?
Sam: Well, that's not the worst of it. I think I picked up the bill.

Tom: Trust me, Sam, this thing won't hold up. You were drunk at the time, right? Besides, it's not a contract, it's a wager. You're going to win this case easy.
Diane: Tom's right. Let Eddie press his case. We'll engage an excellent lawyer and make a monkey out of him.
Sam: Oh, boy, oh-
Norm: What? What's wrong?
Carla: If you don't trust Tom, get a second opinion.
Sam: No, it's not that. I can't let Eddie take me to court.
Diane: Why not?
Sam: I'd have to testify that I was drunk and made an idiot out of myself.
Diane: You're worried about the publicity?
Sam: Yeah, I mean, the press wasn't exactly kind to me when I drank myself out of baseball. I'd almost rather lose the bar than go through that humiliation again.
Diane: Oh, Sam. Quit acting human, it confuses me.

Norm: I don't suppose you could just go ahead and marry her, could you?
Sam: Oh, yeah. Find, meet, woo Jacqueline Bisset in two days? It'd take at least a week.
Cliff: You kidding? You kidding me? Five working days, tops, Sam.

Norm: So much for the Sunbelt.
Cliff: Norm! Norm! You Philistine, you just put a fold in "Sunrise Over Albuquerque".

Carla: Sam, I got a Jacqueline Bisset on the phone.
Sam: Paydirt!
Carla: She sounds sweet, but there's one catch. She's 93, she lives in a rest home in Maine.
Sam: So is she married?
Carla: I didn't ask. [on the phone] Are you married? [to Sam] Got a 94-year-old husband, been married 73 years.
Sam: Happy years?

Diane: Sam, there is one problem, however. I believe I detect a hint of fresh air coming through your cologne.
Sam: Ooh. You're kidding. I must have missed a couple of important pulse points, huh? Thank you.
Cliff: This is "Cheers", Miss Bisset. That's Sam Malone.
Jacqueline Bisset: Well, he is good-looking.
Diane: The bad news is he talks.

Sam: Listen, did Cliff explain why we need you?
Jacqueline Bisset: Yes, he did, and I'm not marrying anybody except in the usual way, where the groom isn't a total stranger.
Sam: Well, I understand that. I understand that, but this isn't like a real marriage. I mean, it's just for a few hours, until I win a bet, then we'll get it annulled tomorrow. No fuss, no muss. Hey, listen, I tell you what, why don't you consider it a warm-up for the real thing?
Jacqueline Bisset: I'm sorry, I'm just not interested. Listen, I almost didn't make this trip when I thought it was a legitimate contest. But I said to myself, "Now, Jackie Bisset, nothing like this is ever going to happen to you again." So I kissed my dog, Smiley, and waved goodbye to my pa, and here I am.
Carla: Knock it off! You don't talk like that.