Cliff: That's a perfect illustration of life's bitter irony, isn't it?
Norm: Oh, how's that, Cliff? I mean, would you pass the beer nuts?
Cliff: There's a guy like Drake... It's a fabulous job...

Sam: Hey, it's time to make your move. Come on, he's had a couple of drinks. His resistance is down. He's feeling all warm, sentimental. Hell, I think I'll tell him I love him.

Rebecca: Mr. Drake?
Evan Drake: Hello, Rebecca.
Rebecca: Hi.
Evan Drake: You're not gonna faint, are you?
Rebecca: Oh, no. No, I'm fine. I just thought that this might be a good opportunity to tell you something that I've wanted to tell you for a long time.
Carla: Miss Howe, may I speak with you for a moment, please?
Rebecca: Carla, can't it wait?
Carla: I don't think so. It's kind of a woman's problem.
Evan Drake: Ah, leave those to the experts.
Rebecca: But I...

Sam: Sweetheart, sweetheart, he... He's gone, and you got to go on with your life now. I mean, you got to pick up the pieces and- and start behaving like a mature person. [Rebecca starts dropping glasses on the floor] Well, now you're cookin'. All right.
Martin: Excuse me. Mr. Drake seems to have forgotten his topcoat.
Rebecca: Tell him it's hanging on the coat rack.
Sam: Uh, I believe Mr. Drake's, uh... topcoat is in the topcoat closet.
Rebecca: Sam, I said to tell him...
Sam: No, no. Uh, yes, we keep all of our executive topcoats in this closet right here. It's, uh, way in the back there. Way, way in the back. Watch the hat there. Watch the hat.
Martin: [o.s.] There do not appear to be any topcoats in here.
Sam: Oops. My mistake.
Martin: Ooh! [thudding ] Is there a light switch?
Sam: Whoa, oh! Does anyone have a key here for this closet? I'm- l'm afraid we're gonna have to make a key there. Can you hold on?
Martin: [o.s.] Yeah, but be quick.

Carla: I've been trying to figure out your strategy.
Sam: Hmm.
Carla: You know, I've always admired you for being sort of a selfish, egotistical pig.
Sam: Why, thank you, Carla.
Carla: But suddenly, you're locking chauffeurs in closets, and giving going-away parties. It's like you're bending over backwards to help Boss Howe score with Mega-Boss Drake.
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Carla: This kind of self-sacrifice isn't like you, and it's scaring me. Please, please, tell me you have some sleazy ulterior motive.
Sam: Fear not, little one.
Carla: Aha. [laughs] So you don't think they're gonna make it.
Sam: I just wanted to bring this whole thing to a boil, so when it blows up, I can swoop in and gather up the pieces. I call it my, uh, vulture position.
Carla: Sammy?
Sam: Mm-hmm.
Carla: You've got Wessonality.

Sam: Well maybe I ought to leave you alone now. By yourself with some music with your depression alone.
Rebecca: Sam, can I offer you a cup of coffee or olives? I didn't have a chance to go to the grocery store. l, um just kind of don't want to be alone right now.
Sam: Then you shouldn't be. You need consolation now. And warmth. Lots and lots of warmth. [lights a fire]
Rebecca: You know, Sam, I don't have anything sexual in mind. I just need a shoulder to cry on.
Sam: Oh, honey, you cry on anything you want.

Rebecca: [sighs] Gee, Sam what I needed right now was a friend.
Sam: Mmm.
Rebecca: And you're the best friend I have in the whole world.
Sam: [chuckling] No, no. No, you got plenty of friends. What, girlfriends, maybe? Old college friends?
Rebecca: No, I've kind of grown apart from my old friends, and I haven't had a chance to make new ones with work and everything.
Sam: Well, that that just leaves...
Rebecca: Yeah, you.
Sam: I'm your best friend?
Rebecca: Crazy, huh?

Sam: I really think I ought to go.
Rebecca: Sam, why?
Sam: Hey, I like you. I mean, there's not anything I wouldn't do for you in the world, but I- I know what's gonna happen if I stay here. You're going to cry some more, and I'll comfort you some more, and the next thing you know, uh, your pantyhose will be hanging from the lamp.
Rebecca: Sam, please, don't go.
Sam: Hey, I can't be trusted. Trust me. Le- Let me just leave here now as a friend, please? Oh, I'm sorry, I... [leaves and instantly returns] Listen. I want to try this. For the sake of our friendship, I am just gonna resist my sexual urges, and that's all there is to it. Now, come here. There. [clears throat]
Rebecca: All right. All right, now [weepy] You know that I loved Evan Drake since the first time I met him.
Sam: I'm sorry, this is not working. Hot fire below. [exits]