Norm: Cliffie, don't look now, but there are two chicks at the end of the bar staring at us.
Cliff: You're crazy.
Norm: I'm telling you, they have been staring at us for 20 minutes. Do we look weird or something?
Cliff: You do.
Norm: Why?
Cliff: Cos you're talking out of the side of your mouth.

Norm: I'm telling you, they can't take their eyes off us.
Cliff: Well, there's only one way to be sure, Normie. Just toodle down the end of the bar and see if their eyes follow us.
Norm: So are they looking?
Cliff: Yep. I'd say those supple young petunias definitely want us, Norm.
Norm: So what do we do now?
Cliff: Just take a walk over there.
Norm: I will if you will.
Cliff: On second thoughts, why don't we just play it cool here, for a while?
Norm: We let them come to us.
Cliff: Yeah, those babes are really hot for us.
Coach: Well, that's it, folks. Closing time. Sorry.
Norm: Oh, oh, here they come, moving in for the kill.
Woman #1: Excuse me. My friend and I were wondering if you knew a late-night spot to go to.
Woman #2: Some place a little fun.
Cliff: Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh...
Woman #2: What was that?
Cliff: [whining sound]
Woman #1: These guys are Martians. Come on. They're nerds.
Woman #2: Their loss.

Norm: Well, they've gone now, Cliff. You can turn off the charm.
Cliff: Well, you were a real smoothy yourself there, Norm.
Norm: Oh, listen to Cary Grant. That was humiliating.
Cliff: Well, what difference does it make? You know, they weren't that good-looking anyway.
Norm: Absolutely. We almost took the midnight train to Bow-Wow City.
Cliff: You're right. [loudly] Hey, I've seen better legs on a pool table.
Norm: Yeah, maybe you could use that chest for a straightedge.
Cliff: Hey, next time, come back with bag over your head.
Norm: Or a gunny sack. It'll cover more.

Sam: Oh, great eats, Diane. Thanks.
Diane: How did you enjoy your rognons de veau aux chanterelles?
Sam: Oh, yes. [chef's kiss] Was that the green stuff?
Diane: No. That was the brown stuff.
Sam: Good. That green stuff kind of repeats on you.

Coach: Sam, listen, we almost had the most incredible disaster. Look at this TV guide.
Sam: What? Oh. Thunder Road. Oh.
Both: Mitchum.
Coach: We haven't missed a Mitchum movie together in over 12 years.
Sam: Come on, we don't wanna miss the beginning.
Coach: Oh, Mitchum won't start without us.

Diane: Take me, you barbarian.
Coach: Hi, Diane! [Diane screams] Diane, you're gonna miss "Thunder Road".
Sam: What happened here?
Coach: Nothing yet, Sam. They're just going up the road.

Sam: Hey, Diane, you all right?
Coach: What is Coach doing here?
Sam: He's watching Thunder Road. We always watch Robert Mitchum movies together.
Diane: Sam, it's a bad time right now.
Sam: I know, honey, but it's kind of a tradition that goes back with us for years. I mean, he's our favorite actor. Never under any circumstances do we miss any of his movies.
Diane: But I came out of the bedroom and I was so embarrassed with how I was dressed. Come in here. I'll show you what I mean. Come on. [Sam momentarily disappears behind Diane's door]
Sam: Coach, scram. Out.

Sam: Hi, there. I'm Sam Malone. Maybe you remember me about a month ago before you and I became a threesome.
Diane: Yes, I recognize you now. You shaved off your Pantusso.
Sam: That's it. That's it.

Diane: What are we gonna do?
Sam: I'll tell you what we're gonna do. Right now, we're gonna go sit in my office. We're gonna look into each other's eyes, all alone.
Diane: Oh, that sounds so wonderful.
Coach: [emerges from Sam's office] Sam, Diane, where have you been?
Sam: Coach, I'm sorry. I overslept. You know, we were up kind of late last night watching...
Diane: Mothra Versus Godzilla.
Coach: Yeah, boy, was I disappointed in that.

Diane: All right. All right. There's only one solution to this problem. We have to tell the Coach to stop hanging around with us.
Norm: Diane's right, Sam. You don't want Coach hanging around, you gotta tell him. That's the honest, ethical approach.
Sam: Maybe you're right.
Norm: Of course, if you want to make it easier on Coach, why don't you just rip out his heart and do a tap-dance on it.