Rebecca: How do you feel about doing that nude scene?
Woody: What are you talking about, Ms. Howe?
Rebecca: The nude scene. I was in a production of Hair when I was in college. There is this very famous scene where everybody takes off their clothes.
Woody: Come on, Ms. Howe, it's not like I just fell off the turnip truck. That happened years ago. Now back then, I might have believed this nude scene business. Actually, I guess I would have believed anything after being dragged 300 yards down a gravel road into a rosebush.
Frasier: Jeez, Woody, do you have any fond memories of childhood that you can cling to?
Woody: The roses smelled nice.

Norm: Well, what's the problem there, Wood?
Woody: Well, my theater group's auditioning for our spring production. They want us each to get up and perform.
Norm: Hmm.
Woody: Got any suggestions?
Frasier: Why don't you do a dramatic monologue?
Robin: I hear Shakespeare's quite good.
Frasier: Or perhaps a classic like Rostand's "Cyrano de Bergerac."
Robin: Well, how about"Richard ll?" "This royal throne of kings, this scepter'd isle, this earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, this other Eden... Demi-paradise..." And so forth, you know. [applause]
Norm: All right!
Robin: Yes, I essayed the role at university.
Frasier: Well, I played Cyrano in college. Yeah. "My soul, be satisfied with flowers, with fruit, with weeds even, but gather them in the one garden you may call your own." [applause]
Robin: [stands up] "This precious stone set in the silver sea, which serves it in the office of a wall or as a moat defensive to a house, against the envy of less happier lands, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm... This England." [all cheering]
Frasier: [stands up] "I am too proud to be a parasite. And in my nature wants the germ that grows towering to heaven like the mountain pine, or like the oak, sheltering multitudes. I stand, not high it may be, but alone." [cheers and applause]
Woody: Hey, uh, thank you Mr. Colcord, Dr. Crane. But I think I'm just going to go with what I had planned.
Norm: What's that, Wood?
Woody: This.
[Woody bends down, sticks his head between his knees, wraps his arms around his back and walks out]

Sam: What's the musical you're doing?
Woody: We're dusting off one of the old classics. Matter of fact, I got to start boning up on the period.
Frasier: Really? You know, I love the classic musicals. Which one you doing? Oklahoma? South Pacific?
Woody: No. Something called, uh, Hair. Hey, Dr. Crane, what was it like to be alive during the 1960s?
Frasier: Well, I don't remember much, Woody. I was too busy taming the west.

Rebecca: Woody, I'm not kidding. There is a nude scene. There it is, it's right at the end of act l. It's a very famous number. Everybody takes off all their clothes.
Woody: Come on, Ms. Howe, if everybody gets naked in this thing, how come they put me in charge of the costumes?
Rebecca: Ah, got me there, Woody.

Sam: Pretty tough on you, huh?
Carla: Well, I'm comforted to know that he left his other widow Gloria a hundred bucks. And I got the rest of his estate.
Sam: Well, that's great. What did you get?
Carla: Well, I got the bill from his funeral, I got the bill from his headstone, and all in all, I ended up with a big fat nothing.
Norm: It sounds like the other widow made out better than you did.
Carla: Yeah, well, yes and no. She got the hundred bucks. But when she wasn't looking, I copped her coat. What do you think?
Gloria LeBec: [enters] Hey. Give me back my coat, or I'm leaving with your pants.
Norm: All right, Carla, give her the coat.

Sam: Got any Michelob down there, Woody?
Woody: Checking, Sam.
[When Woody stands up he's wearing suspenders over his shirtless chest]
Norm: Wood, how much longer are you going to keep this up?
Woody: Till I get used to it. Dr. Crane says if I can get undressed a little bit at a time in a place where I feel safe and secure, then pretty soon, I can get naked anywhere.
Sam: You're making progress, huh, Wood?
Woody: Well, you bet. I mean, I'm still scared, cold, and self-conscious as all get-out, but I did pick up an extra 50 in tips.

Frasier: It's interesting is, as human beings, the most evolved species of the animal kingdom, we should assign such Victorian notions as guilt and shame to something as beautiful as the human body. You know, even Lilith, for example, still gets undressed in the dark.
Norm: Oh, come on. A woman with all Lilith's psychiatric training still has hang-ups about nudity?
Frasier: Actually, it was my suggestion.

Frasier: You know, Carla, the last time you and Gloria got together, the two of you were at each other's throats. I mean, all of a sudden, you're palling around like you were Mutt and Jeff. Well, you being Jeff, of course.

Frasier: You know what? I would venture to say that Carla has finally found a friend. It sort of put me in mind of the relationship you seem to have with Cliff, Norm.
Norm: Yeah.
Frasier: Hey, where is he tonight, anyway?
Norm: I don't know. He said something about going in the hospital. Bring me another beer, Sam? [off Frasier's look] All right, all right! I'll give him a call, or I'll stop by, or I'll ask him about it when he comes back.

Carla: Hey, listen to this, everybody. Apparently, the ice show Eddie skated in had an accidental death policy, and I'm Eddie's beneficiary. Which is to say that Carla Lozoponi Tortelli LeBec is now worth a cool $50,000.
Norm: What?!
Carla: It means I'm rich, I'm telling you! I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich! [pushes Norm back on his stool and kisses him] I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich! Sam, I'm rich! Oh, my God, I'm rich! I'm rich.
Sam: Oh, hey, I can't believe this! Look at you! Can you imagine what you can buy with $25,000?
Carla: 25? I said 50! I'm rich! Come here, you big lug! [pulls Norm up over the bar and kisses him] I'm rich!
Sam: Well, hold it. The whole point is, honey... Listen to me. You made an agreement there to split the estate with Gloria.
Carla: Who?
Sam: Gloria.
Carla: Gloria?
Sam: Yeah.
Carla: Oh... Poor Gloria. Poor Gloria... Is not here right now and must never, ever find out.
Norm: Wait a minute, Carla, this doesn't seem exactly right.
Carla: OK, then try this. Poor Gloria, who isn't here right now to see me buy a round of beers for all my friends.
Norm: To poor Gloria!