Tony Wonder: You'll get there someday. I started out as a little "W." Somehow I became a big one. I don't even know how it happened. All right? [groans] My eye! [groans] Enjoy the Hanukkah cookie, man.
Gob: What a cool guy.

Buster: And now our magic trick.
Gob: Illusion.
Buster: Silence, slave! In this magic trick, I'm going to put a sword through my assistant's tummy.
Gob: No patter.
Buster: May I have the trick sword, please?
Gob: It's a real sword, master.

George Michael: Hey, Dad. How're you feeling?
Michael: Bad, George Michael. I just found out Lindsay's teaching you how to drive.
George Michael: Yeah. She's still trying to get the stairs unwedged from the emergency room overhang.

Michael: I was gonna teach you. Just forget everything she told you, and we'll start over.
Lucille: Oh, for God's sake. Tobias is right.
Michael: What?
Lucille: You have to control everyone's life. I don't know where you get that from. Oscar, stop licking that sore.
Oscar: I'm not.

Dr. Stein: Well, the operation went pretty smoothly. But once I got in there, the appendix wasn't so inflamed. D'oh.
Lucille: I knew it.
Michael: Okay. Well, can we get me out of here? I gotta retrain my son how to drive, and I need to stop by the office to make sure my business doesn't go to hell.
Dr. Stein: And, not so fast, Michael. There seems to be a bacterial infection from the operation which left an abscess in your abdominal wall.
Oscar: Ew.
Dr. Stein: I know, it's pretty gross. It could heal on its own. But I say we go in there Dr. Stein-style and cut it out. I want to show these interns what the best doctor in Southern California can do.
Michael: Well, I respect your decision.
Dr. Stein: Okay, I'll check on you soon.
Lucille: Michael, this crazy point you're trying to make about respecting authority is absurd. And one day, you're gonna wake up and find out it has caused you nothing but trouble.
Oscar: And you are peeing again.
Narrator: And as the anesthesia took hold Michael realized he was going to wake up to nothing but trouble.

John Beard: The F.B.I. has pinpointed the location of escaped convict George Bluth today thanks to a tape turned in by a rabid and disgruntled employee. The F.B.I. has matched the design of the attic to one of Saddam Hussein's Iraqi houses. And it appears his son is with him.
George Sr.: [on tape, wearing a towel on his head] This is my demand.
John Beard: Booyah!

Narrator: Buster and Gob were waiting to meet with Tony Wonder.
Gob: All right. He's gonna lowball us, so just let me do the talking, all right, Busty? This DVD is the destiny the sword has chosen for me. I wonder where he is.
Tony Wonder: [appears in a puff of smoke] Did somebody say, "Wonder"?
Buster: He just appeared out of nowhere, in front of that dumbwaiter.
Narrator: Actually, he'd been hiding inside the dumbwaiter for over 20 minutes, waiting for someone to use the word "wonder."
Buster: Oh, hey, you've got a piece of lettuce on your shoulder.
Tony Wonder: Ta-da! Part of the trick.

Tony Wonder: So, let's get down to business, shall we? Hey, can you, uh, go wait with the other assistants over there?
Gob: What?
Buster: No, whatever you say to me, you can say to him. I grant him magic sanctuary.
Gob: Uh, you grant me? [scoffs] Come on, you can't just make up-
Tony Wonder: That's fine. I second the sanctuary. But with a clause of silence. So, I want you guys to be on Use Your Illusion. Only now it's "Allusion" with an "A." So if you guys want to put an allusion in there somewhere like, you know, Poe or something or- Don't do Poe, 'cause I'm doin' Poe.
Buster: What about Chaucer?
Tony Wonder: Just not Poe, okay? And, uh, I don't think we need, uh, your assistant.
Gob: What?
Buster: Eh! Clause of silence. Look, my assistant is my partner. I need him.
Tony Wonder: For what, Buster, huh? You're the magic. Check out those moves you're doin', man. They're in their own orbit. Look at Tiagra, my girl. Don't look at her. 'Cause you look at her and it affects her in a way that I don't feel comfortable with. Or go for it. I don't care, whatever. I'm just sayin' it's your world.

Gob: All right, you know what? The trick is on you, Tony Wonder. I'm the magician. He's the assistant. We don't need him! The real Sword of Destiny trick hasn't even been performed yet. Ta-da!
Tony Wonder: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Are you tellin' me that you have a multi-stage trick with hidden identities?
Gob: That's right. And I'm gonna perform the real trick this afternoon.
Tony Wonder: I guess we'll see what you can do then.
Gob: I guess we will.
Tony Wonder: [screams] Ow! Darryl, I told you to move that [bleep] chair 10 times! And clean the [bleep] Dumbwaiter while you're at it!
Buster: Oh, I was really hoping for a graham cracker.
Gob: That would have been a good spot for a trick.

Narrator: Michael awoke from his second surgery.
Dr. Stein: Morning, sleepyhead.
Michael: Did you get the abscess?
Dr. Stein: Well, uh, we had a little whoopsie. See, we got the abscess, but I think we might have left some snippers in there. It's not very likely, but one of the assistants having taken them is even less likely. Unless I left them in my scrubs.