Maeby: Can I get a Macallan 12 neat, water back?
Bartender: ID?
Maeby: Actually, can we make it, marry me, a Wild Turkey?
Bartender: I still need to see some ID.
Maeby: Right. There you go.
Bartender: Thank you. I'm supposed to believe you're 17?
Maeby: Oh, no, sorry. That's my fake for sneaking back into high school. Here we go, 23.
Bartender: Oh, you're Maeby. Well, you can have one, but you got quite a bar tab.

Maeby: No, we got to tell people about it. I just got a lifetime achievement award. I'm finished. And also, I think you should consider calling it The Fakeblock. It's cleaner, like The Netflix.
George Michael: It's just not ready. Okay, there's still a bunch of programming problems.
Maeby: You can get it ready, George Michael. What, you think they invite the animals and ask them to wait while they build the zoo?
George Michael: No, that would be a bloodbath.
Maeby: Yeah, a total [bleep] bloodbath.

Rebel: So what is this? Is this another one of these social networking things? Because I am so over those. I tried to deactivate my Facebook profile. It's easier to get out of Scientology.
Maeby: Well, this is actually the opposite of Facebook. It's the anti-social network. It prevents piracy, right?
Rebel: Really?
George Michael: Mmm-hmm.
Rebel: Rebel Alley.
Maeby: George M- Harris.
Rebel: George Maharis, huh?
Narrator: And that's how George Michael finally got that new name. It felt like a good fit. Strong, rugged, untainted.
George Michael: Yes. Yes, George Maharis.

Michael: What are you doing here?
Maeby: I'm just here to see Lucille 2, actually.
Narrator: In fact, she was there to see Lucille 2's so-called foster child, Perfecto.
Michael: ...talk to you about something very important.
Maeby: Yeah, um, Uncle Michael, I'm really sorry about that whole "voting you out of the dorm" thing. You know, we never really meant it to-
Michael: Ah! I knew it. I knew you didn't understand it. I knew you guys were all... 'Cause I didn't... I don't think I explained it very well, and it was very, very simple. I made it complicated. It was a four-person vote. You see, I voted against myself, so that P-Hound... And that's a way that that scenario would've worked out. What I later realized is that there was another scenario... Maeby. That there was another scenario...
Maeby: Yeah.
Michael: A "C" scenario. Scenario "C."

Narrator: But Maeby was more concerned about losing yet another income stream.
Maeby: So he's trying to snake the bottom bitch from my stable?
Narrator: And more importantly, her rep on the street. And she knew just who to go to about it.
Maeby: He stole money from me. He's a bully, so I want you to "bad cop" him for me a little, okay?
Perfecto: So where is this bully?
Maeby: He's right there.
Perfecto: The little guy with the cigarette?
Maeby: No, the ripped Black guy behind him.

Maeby: Of course, when Fakeblock hits, we're going to have to ramp up real fast. This hangar can hold over 500 nerds!
George Michael: Maeby, we can't afford this. And my software isn't even ready.
Maeby: Don't worry about that. Just worry about the app being done in time for the big public unveiling at Cinco. I'll get the money.
George Michael: Isn't that in, like, three days?
Maeby: No, that's Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Cuatro is in two days. But we'll be doing it on a boat, so I hope you don't get seasick. You're doing the keynote. You're responsible for all of this.
George Michael: Come on. What- No, I... I think we...
Maeby: All of this.
George Michael: I think we should delay the keynote.
Maeby: You know, I'd say yes, but I don't think we can just because of the sheer amount of money that you have on the hook for it.
George Michael: Maeby, you're fired!

George Michael: Hey, you must be - What?
Maeby: George Michael?
George Michael: Huh? What is this? Maeby, what are you doing here? As I live and breathe. I thought you were the girl.... I'm supposed to tutor a kid from...
Maeby: High school. Yeah, that's me.
George Michael: Crazy. That is just crazy. But, wait, why are you in high school? Didn't we graduate together five years ago?

George Michael: Well, my dad doesn't think that it's such a good idea for you and me to be together.
Maeby: And that doesn't make me hotter to you?
George Michael: No, I could see that argument. No, I think we should just be cousins.
Maeby: So first my parents don't notice that I drowned, and now my cousin doesn't care that I'm at the height of my sexuality.
George Michael: No, sure I care, and, you know, I'm right there with you. We're a couple of forces of nature, but...
Maeby: What?
George Michael: Forces of nature. But I just really need to focus on graduating right now, and maybe you should, too, you know? Maybe that's the best way to get your parents' attention.
Maeby: That's a great idea. I've got two whole months to flunk. That's got to disappoint them.

Narrator: Now, the story of a family whose future was abruptly canceled, and the one daughter who had no choice but to keep her life together. It's Maeby's Arrested Development.

Narrator: Maeby was trying to get her parents to notice she was flunking.
Maeby: So, for some reason, they didn't send me a cap and gown, and I was gonna make one out of sheets, but I couldn't find-
Narrator: Only to discover that Maeby's graduation wasn't top-of-mind for her parents.
Maeby: They left town.