Narrator: And with the extra cash, even got around to spraying for pests at the model home where she was squatting.
Maeby: Hey, so what do I owe you?
Steve Holt: Here you go.
Maeby: That's funny, I actually used to date a guy named Steve Holt.
Steve Holt: Steve Holt!
Maeby: Yeah, that's the guy.
Narrator: Although the house wouldn't remain pest-free for long.
Steve Holt: Heck of a birthday this is shaping up to be.

Narrator: High school seniors often find themselves in their first relationship.
Perfecto: How was that?
Maeby: Perfecto.
Narrator: This is Maeby Fünke. And during her senior year, she was dating this boy. His name was Perfecto Telles, and she was rewarding him for doing her English homework, even though English was his second language.
Maeby: And if you do my Spanish, I'll teach you how to French.

George Michael: Maeby! Are you okay? What are you doing?
Maeby: I'm trying to get my parents to notice me. I've been here for, like, an hour and a half.
Narrator: It had been seven minutes.
George Michael: Do you think it would help if I went over and said, like, "Hey, Maeby's dead"?
Maeby: No, that would just mean that they notice you.
George Michael: Well, obviously, they've just got a lot on their plate right now. I mean, they're clearly busy.
Tobias: It's just a phallus...see.
George Michael: Where's that from?
Maeby: It's from nothing.

Narrator: So she put her plan to put her graduation on hold on hold, and headed off to India, where she'd be working at what was once just her after-school job.
Maeby: Right. Okay, do we have to pay them in money or in rice?
Lynda: If they're in the union, you have to pay with rice.
Narrator: The movie she was supervising was the latest in her Terrifying Grandmother Gangie franchise, this one taking place in India.
Maeby: All right, I say we get 10,000 extras, and then that way we have it.
Lynda: We have it.
Maeby: Yeah, we have it.
Lynda: It's good to have it.
Tobias: [o.s.] I am going to start wearing this back home.
Maeby: You'd think someone would tell her to shave her arms, the poor thing.

Narrator: And soon, she and her team arrived and headed off to the hotel.
Maeby: Wait, how is it pronounced? Gangie on the Ganges? That doesn't even make sense.
Narrator: Where she found out why her mother wasn't at the graduation that Maeby also wasn't not at.
Lindsay: You don't get it. I'm not used to third world hotels.
Male Concierge: No, you don't get it, you are so full of [bleep].
Maeby: Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Do we have a hair and makeup crew with us?
Lynda: Pretty makeup or scary makeup?
Maeby: Scary.
Lynda: Well, I think we have the crew that did The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Maeby: Perfect.

Narrator: But soon, the Fünkes took their new spirit of love and togetherness into a place where they would seldom run into each other.
Maeby: Okay, going back to school.
Narrator: And Maeby enrolled in a new high school for her senior year.
Maeby: No? No one cares? This is usually a tough time for teens. This is when drugs often become an issue.
Narrator: To see if her parents would notice she should have already graduated.
Maeby: Time for babies having babies! [exits]
Tobias: Is Babies Having Babies on? That's my favorite show.
Narrator: Mother's Day Eve was the most joyous day of the year.
Lindsay: Maeby, you're going to be late for school.

Narrator: And although they did share one Thanksgiving together...
Tobias: It's not on.
Narrator: ...they didn't realize they were doing so...
Lindsay: Why would they preempt Babies Having Babies for a turkey cartoon?
Narrator: ...having celebrated it one week earlier when they found that duck in the cupboard, tried to cook it alive, got scared, and then ended up eating it at a Chinese restaurant.

Narrator: Nonetheless, Maeby was doing well in school and might have graduated had this not happened.
Lindsay: [on voice mail] Look, I'm sorry, Tobias, but we're trying to save something that just couldn't be saved. Can you delete this so I can leave a message for Maeby?
Tobias: [on voice mail] Lindsay, I have met someone. It's not important who it is. Erase this message, and I'll leave her a message.
Lindsay: [on voice mail] Maeby, honey, Daddy has insisted on raising you alone.
Narrator: But at least her father was choked up.
Tobias: [on voice mail] Maeby, your daddy's not going to be around anymore. Excuse me, I swallowed a bug there. Your daddy's not going to be around anymore.
Woman: [on voice mail] This is the Widow Carr, and for some reason, it's my job to tell you that, since you never made payment, your house is being foreclosed. Also, Tobias, you got a callback for something called The Big Bang Theory.

George Michael: Yeah, we were just complaining about roommates.
Michael: P-Hound.
Maeby: I thought it was the other one.
George Michael: No, it was P-Hound, yeah.
Michael: He's the worst. See, I think if George Michael and I didn't have each other as roommates, we'd be going crazy.
Narrator: And for a moment, Maeby felt superior to her cousin, and her uncle, for that matter.

Michael: He's got this privacy software. Keeps people from stealing your stuff. Tell her, pal.
Narrator: Maeby tried to hide her jealousy.
Maeby: So it's privacy software that's also anti-piracy? Do you have a way of doing this?
George Michael: Well, it's just a Boolean-driven aggregation, really, of what programmers call "hacker-traps."
Narrator: But as she listened to her cousin discuss computer technology she had no understanding of, she lost that feeling of superiority, and her self-esteem plummeted as she started to question the entirety of what she had done with her life for the last several years.