Buster: Oh, by the way, doctor said no kissing her on the face for one week. Oh, I was like, "Make it two weeks! See if I care!" [giggles]
Michael: Got a new hand?
Buster: Oh, yeah, I'm trying it out. Guess who I ran into at the prosthetics shop while I was waiting for Mother.
[flashback:]
J. Water Weatherman: [to a female customer] Sorry, no refunds. And that's why you don't take your foot out of its wrapper.
Buster: J. Walter Weatherman. You're the man who used to scare us as children, and one time as an adult.
Narrator: George Sr. had always used him to teach his children lasting lessons. They usually involved his prosthetic arm being ripped off.
J. Water Weatherman: You one of George Bluth's kids? Hey, I guess you'll be scaring children yourself now.
Buster: As a matter of fact, I won't.
[present:]
Buster: If anything, it strengthened my resolve to be more than just a one-armed man. Even if it means me never taking a job again.

Narrator: That night, Maeby, displaced by Buster, heard a noise.
Maeby: Hello? George Michael?
Lucille: I'm thirsty.
Maeby: [screams]
Narrator: And Maeby knew she had found her blood-sucking creature.

Gob: Attention, everyone! Why go to a banana stand when we can make your banana stand? I give you Barbara and Dee! Don't worry, these young beauties have been nowhere near the bananas.
Steve Holt: Dad, are they strippers?
Michael: If I know your uncle, they're at least strippers.

Narrator: Michael and Gob had decided to teach their father a lesson.
Michael: So, we need the number of the one-armed man.
Buster: I'm not giving you that. You want to use his disability to scare someone. That's everything I'm against. Read the button, Mister!
Michael: "The only scary thing about a one-arm man trying to scare someone is the fact..."
Buster: "...that he feels that his one arm is good for nothing but trying to scare somebody."
Michael: It's upside down.
Buster: Well, let's see you try to put a button on with this. [Gob screams] Stop screaming. It's not scary!

Narrator: Maeby was showing Mort Myers a monster of her own.
Mort Meyers: Ah! Oh, it's terrifying! Who did that for you, Industrial Light and Magic?
Maeby: Kopelson Plastic and Silicon.
Mort Meyers: Did he do Land of the Dead?
Maeby: Yeah, he's been in Beverly Hills for years.
Mort Meyers: Let's get our makeup people on it.

Lindsay: Oh, absolutely, I've done everything to make this marriage work.
Bob Loblaw: That's interesting. Can you tell me what your plans are for this evening?
Lindsay: Uh... I have plans with a friend.
Bob Loblaw: A man? What's his name, please?
Treat: Don't answer that.
Bob Loblaw: I withdraw the question. Why don't we stop for the day so Mrs. Funke can get to her date with her mysterious Mister Blah-Blah-Blah. At 8:30, unless you want to sit at the bar.

Michael: What's going on with your marriage?
Lindsay: Well, as you know, Bob Loblaw and I have had a secret little thing going.
Michael: Very secret. He doesn't even know, does he?
Lindsay: He has not known of it. That's correct. But, last night, he finally responded to one of my little hints.
[flashback:]
Lindsay: Why won't you [bleep] me?!
Bob Loblaw: Look, I'm not blind. You're an attractive woman, and you've been dressing like a common whore.
Lindsay: Well, I've been trying.
Bob Loblaw: But you asked me to represent you in your divorce. I can't see a client.
Lindsay: Well, then recommend somebody else.
Bob Loblaw: Well, our copy boy's very striking, but he often has toner on his fingers.
Lindsay: I meant another lawyer.

Buster: I think I turned out pretty darned well, myself.
George Sr.: Oh, you just turned out great. I used my contacts to get you a job, and you quit!
Narrator: The job was at an Iraqi-owned toy store that was hoping to deter shoplifting.
[flashback:]
Store Owner: Okay, I'll just take off this cheap fake, huh? And we going to put on this sign. Beautiful. You like?
[present:]
Buster: They only wanted me because I had one hand. And I won't do it! That's not the way Mother is raising me.
Michael: Like I won't compete with my older brother anymore, despite the way Father raised me. We'll show you.
Buster: Just like I showed Mr. al-Jibaaly Muhammed a-Abat. I stole the sign. Of course, I left my hand there, also.

Narrator: But FAO al-Jabaaly Muhammed a-Abat wasn't the only one having trouble scaring kids. So was Hollywood's third youngest movie studio executive, Maeby Funke.
Woman: [on screen] The creature's in your imagination. [screams] [audience laughs]
Mort Meyers: That's a bloodsucker? It looks like Alf. You got a week to fix it.
Man: [on screen] You must be the creature that ate our cat! [audience laughs]

Michael: But the most important thing is that we never let Dad turn us against each other again.
Gob: Thanks, Michael. [they hug] If you feel something moving down there, it's just the bird.
Michael: I know it.
[Michael sees the dove on the kitchen counter]