Narrator: Michael was trying to include his brother in the business at his father's request.
Michael: So, the last couple of months have seen us hemorrhaging money. [coins shoot out of Gob's jacket pocket]
Narrator: But he was finding himself overwhelmed by the change.
Gob: Is it my turn to speak yet? I've got a good one.
Michael: We're gonna wait till after lunch for the tricks.
Gob: That's not a trick, Michael. It's a business opportunity. [Steve holds a boom box playing "The Final Countdown"] Okay, you can turn the music off. I already shot my wad. [Franklin sings on tape] Off. No, that's tape. [music stops] I have got a quick way for us to literally be showered with money. That's where the penny thing would have... [a man's glasses crack after being hitting by a coin] Bonus.

Gob: Anyway, it involves us making some money with our Mexican friends from Colombia.
Michael: I think they're called Colombians.
Gob: Oh, I forgot, we're being politically correct now. [loud pop] Anyway, there's a company there that wants to develop some time-shares with us. I told them that we'll sell them our blueprints for 100 grand!
Michael: Gob, we're prohibited from doing any business outside the country while we're under investigation.
Gob: Translation: Wish I'd thought of that.
Steve Holt: Nice translating, Dad.
Gob: Oh, also had this slogan made up. "A Colombian cartel that won't kidnap and kill you." I underlined "won't," 'cause it makes the competition look like...
Michael: I'm serious: we're not doing it. It's illegal, and, uh, it's also kind of a stupid way to make a quick buck.
Gob: It's not stupid. You're stupid.
Steve Holt: Nice pout, Dad.
Michael: I wasn't calling you stupid. I was calling the idea stupid. And if you'd spend a little bit more time learning about the business and less time with tricks, you'd know that.
Gob: If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now, I would leap across this table and you know what? Forget it...
Michael: Let's go ahead and take five.

Lindsay: So now, I have to tell Tobias we're getting divorced, you know, break the news to Maeby, plus fit an eyebrow pluck in there all before the weekend.
Michael: Perhaps you can talk to Maeby while you're getting your eyebrows plucked. It'll look like your eyes are watering 'cause you're sad.

Michael: Dad, need you to help me get rid of Gob.
Lucille: That ship sailed 35 years ago.
Michael: Doesn't know anything about the business. Today, he suggested that we do an illegal Colombian deal.
Lucille: You said that was legal.
Michael: That was your idea, Dad?
George Sr.: I may have mentioned it.
Michael: You told Gob to do it, didn't you? Did you just want to get us at each other's throats again like you used to do with the Boyfights videos?

Lucille: Don't look at me. I had nothing to do with them. Except for some of the Baby Buster shorts.

Michael: Hey, what's going on down there? What are you doing?
Gob: Oh, you don't want a hungry dove down your pants. That's how Tony Wonder lost a nut.

Gob: Look, I know that I don't know about this housing stuff, but I've got this Christian girlfriend now, and she's trying to get me to be a better man and reconnect with my son. And I'm trying to get her to renounce God and [bleep] me. And I just want to prove to her that I'm worth it.
Michael: Well, as always, Gob, a mixed bag there, but the middle part sounded pretty admirable for a second.

Narrator: Gob had opened a new frozen banana stand, like, 20 feet from the old frozen banana stand.
Michael: What's going on? You just thought you'd put the stand right here?
Gob: Did the research. Did you know that more frozen bananas are sold here on this boardwalk than anywhere in the O.C.?
Michael: Don't call it that.
Gob: Also, gonna need a check, 'cause I went out of pocket on the new sign. Oh, and I need some bananas and some chocolate from the other branch.
Michael: Just go ahead, just take the sign down. Take the whole booth down. You're cannibalizing our business.
Gob: You're just scared of a little competish.
Michael: Well, you know, you guys don't even have bananas, so I'm not too worried. In fact, you know what? Me and my son are gonna kick your little shack's ass.
George Michael: Dad, it's okay. We can just work together with them.
Steve Holt: Yeah, I mean, Dad, that makes sense. We don't really even know the recipe.
George Michael: There's no recipe, you just freeze a banana, then you stick it in the-
Michael: Don't tell them!
Steve Holt: Stick it in the what?! Stick it in the what?
Gob: It's okay, son. We'll figure it out! When we do, we'll have the last laugh. We'll be the laughingstock of the boardwalk.

Tobias: Hello, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Tobias. Did you get a lawyer?
Tobias: Only the best-looking and best educated lawyer in the whole O.C.
Bob Loblaw: Don't call it that.
Tobias: Okay.
Bob Loblaw. How are you?
Lindsay: Bob's representing you?
[flashback:]
Narrator: He was. One day earlier, Tobias had spoken to him on the phone.
Bob Loblaw: [on the phone] ...whether or not those promises were made explicit.
Tobias: You want me to be explicit?

Narrator: And that night, Buster arrived with a post-op Lucille.
Michael: There she is.
Lucille: [mumbles]
Buster: She wants to know where you want to put her.
Michael: She can take my room.
Buster: She wants to know if I can sleep there, too.
Lucille: [frantic mumbling]
Buster: She said that's very important to her. All right, I'll meet you up there, Mother.
Lucille: [frantic mumbling]
Buster: You better not lock it! I'll kick it in!