Narrator: Michael finally arranged a meeting with attorney Wayne Jarvis.
Michael: I'm looking for a more professional approach to our representation.
Wayne Jarvis: Well, I'm a professional. I'm serious, and I'm a professional.
Michael: That's fantastic. So how long have you been practicing-
Wayne Jarvis: I also don't like small talk. I find that unprofessional. Why should I be billing you for small talk when I'm enjoying it as much as you are?
Michael: Then this must be a freebie 'cause I'm having a ball.
Wayne Jarvis: [chuckles] When you're ready to get serious, give me a call.
Michael: No, no! No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm serious. I'm ready.
Wayne Jarvis: Good.

Wayne Jarvis: If you retain my services, I will get your father out of jail and we will be countersuing before the end of the year. We're gonna get this company's name back to where it started.
Michael: Or hopefully higher.
Wayne Jarvis: I didn't say that. Don't hold me to that.
Michael: I won't, and I appreciate that to a wonderful degree. My mother is on her way up here and she's resistant to the idea of hiring a new attorney. If she even sees you, she probably won't come in the room.
Wayne Jarvis: I shall duck behind the couch.
Michael: What a pro.

Michael: How do you treat somebody in your own family like that lying and deceiving and saying anything just to get your own way?
Lucille: So what did you want to see me about?
Michael: Hmm? Oh, um, there's a big bowl of candy in my office. Why don't you go eat it? [opens door]
Wayne Jarvis: [stands up] Wayne Jarvis, attorney at law. I have a responsibility to tell you that there is no candy in this office. [Michael closes the door]

Lucille: What are you doing here?
Gob: I had to get away from Marta. If I have to smell another meal of fish, rice and mango, I'm gonna kill somebody. [Lupe puts the lid on her lunch container]

Gob: Now Michael's learning Spanish. What's up with that?
Lucille: Oh, who knows? He won't get your father out of jail for a night. He's bringing in a new attorney.
Gob: New attorney? And he's learning Spanish? He's hiding something. And I intend to find out what it is.
Lucille: Do yourself a favor. Get him drunk.

Lindsay: I see you're getting closer to our attorney. Well, I just want you to know that I won't be needing your help after all. My brother Michael came through as he always does and as you never do.
Lucille: Whatever it takes to get your relationship with that never-nude back on track.
Lindsay: Michael told you that?
Lucille: He couldn't wait to.

Michael: Excuse me, Wayne, my sister and I were outside having a business discussion and we were wondering if there's some sort of legal way that we can humiliate our mother. Something shaming, something public.
Wayne Jarvis: I've used one adjective to describe myself. What is it?
Michael: Professional. [Wayne shakes his head and leaves]

Lucille: Why did you do this?
Lindsay: We were trying to teach you a lesson.
Lucille: You idiots! If he sees me with Wayne-
Michael: We'll be stuck with Barry.
Wayne Jarvis: I shall duck behind that little garbage car.
Michael: Guy's a pro.

Narrator: Buster arrived with Lucille Austero and naturally assumed the yells of disgust were directed toward him.
Lucille Austero: What is wrong with you?
Buster: What's wrong with you?
Lucille: Buster?
Buster: Oh, God! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Lucille. Yeah. Lucille. Ma, I'm sorry!
Lucille Austero: Man! That old lady has really done a number on you, hasn't she?

Narrator: But George Michael wasn't the only problem with the painting.
Woman #1: Where is God?
Woman #2: There is no God!
Lindsay: There goes my credit card payment.