Gob: You've got work to do. You've got to read that plea.
Michael: I know. That's what I was trying to do last night when you put me up to all this.
Gob: No, I didn't.
Michael: Yes, you did.
Gob: I told you to walk away. I told you to give a fake name.
Michael: I did. Thanks very much. I'm Chareth Cutestory, a pirate lawyer. It was airtight.

Gob: It was hot.
Michael: Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman.
Gob: Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.
Narrator: But he really didn't.
Gob: Yes, I did.

Narrator: And George Sr. was working on a roadside beautification effort brokered by Warden Stefan Gentles.
Warden Stefan Gentles: Inmate Bluth.
George Sr.: Yes, sir?
Warden Stefan Gentles: I want you to know that last night I watched a very impressive videotape of the title Caged Wisdom. I was struck by the dual life of the spiritual man. [chuckles] And I did very much enjoy the blooper bonus footage at the end. [laughs]
George Sr.: Well, you know, I almost did strangle myself on my own prayer shawl.
Warden Stefan Gentles: A self-choking for the ages. There's a Shasta can there you seemed to have missed.

Cindi Lightballoon: I'm sorry I left before. I just felt so awful. But I kept thinking about us.
George Sr.: Yes.
Cindi Lightballoon: About our future.
George Sr.: Yes, I-
Cindi Lightballoon: And I know for a fact we can have one.
George Sr.: Okay. What evidence do they have on me? You keep talking about a fact? You keep saying, "I know for a fact." What fact?
Cindi Lightballoon: Faith. I have faith my prayers will free you.
George Sr.: Faith is not a fact!
Cindi Lightballoon: Oh, yes, it is. You said so yourself in Caged Wisdom.
Narrator: George Sr. had said "Faith is a fact." Unfortunately, it was in the Caged Wisdom blooper bonus footage.
[video:]
George Sr.: Faith is a fact. No. Faith is a facet. [laughs] I almost said faith is a fact.
[present:]
George Sr.: I am going to trial because you don't understand what a blooper reel is? Guard!

Gob: Oh, come on, Michael. How many times are you going to screw up before the rest of this family sees you for the screw-up you are?

George Sr.: Lucille, for God's sakes. She was an informant. She was working for the government. The only thing I was pumping her for was information, honey.
Michael: An informant. Dad, are you crazy? You're gonna blow this whole case.
George Sr.: It's blown. It's over. It's dead. Take the plea. Get me out there.
Barry: Lets take the plea, okay? Look. It's so nice and thick.
Lucille: Oh, George, I should have never doubted you. Even when you slept with my sister, it was for a good reason.
George Sr.: Got her to stop drinking, didn't it?

Michael: All right, listen. This is all getting a little crazy. We cannot accept their conditions if we don't know what their conditions are.
Barry: Do you wanna read it?
Michael: Uh, no. It is thick. Why don't we just take it?
Barry: I could kiss you on the [bleep]
Michael: Well, let's- What?!

Barry: Can we get back to work, folks? We've only got 24 hours to respond and no matter what this is, it is better than going to trial.
Lucille: Your father's not here. I'll speak for him. He loves it. He's crazy about the plea. He's dying to get out of that prison and be with a woman again.

Narrator: In fact, George Sr. had a woman in his life, Cindi Lightballoon, a fan of his Caged Wisdom video series with whom he'd had fleeting physical contact. That morning however, she had some startling news for him.
Cindi Lightballoon: I'm a mole.
George Sr.: Well, you know, God doesn't care how big your teeth are. Yes, you could go to a dentist. You could... Whoo. You could grind off about... I don't know... Oof.
Cindi Lightballoon: No, no, no. I mean, I'm an undercover government agent. I was sent here to investigate you. Up until last week, my being in love with you was just an act.
George Sr.: Hmm.
Cindi Lightballoon: But now I want to be with you. And I know you can beat this case they have against you. I know this for a fact.

George Sr.: I want to fight this thing. I can beat it. I know it for a fact.
Lucille: We're taking the plea.
George Sr.: Lucille, we're not taking a plea.
Michael: We don't even know what the plea is yet.
Barry: Is that a shot at me? 'Cause that makes me want to read it less.