Michael: I'm so mad at Barry I can't even focus. That guy's out dating? I mean, I'd love to be dating, but I-
Gob: Can't relax?
Michael: No. I don't have time for a relationship. This is important.
Gob: No one said anything about a relationship, Michael. If you'd slept with more than four women, you'd know that.
Michael: I have, Gob.
Gob: More than five? Let's say "five".

Michael: I can't believe I'm still reading the same sentence. How can something be "no less than three" if it exceeds six? I mean, six is still more than three, right?
Gob: Yeah, and it's still more than five.

Michael: Who's this?
Maggie Lizer: Oh, that's Justice.
Michael: Hi, Justice.
Maggie Lizer: Is he as handsome as he smells?
Michael: I didn't- I didn't know that you had a dog.
Maggie Lizer: How else am I gonna get to work?
Michael: You ride a dog to work?
Maggie Lizer: You are funny. Let me see that smile.
Michael: Well, it's tough with your hands in the way.

Narrator: And suddenly, Michael recalled some non sequiturs from the night before.
[flashback:]
Michael: So, tell me something personal about yourself.
Maggie Lizer: Uh, well, I have an irreversible case of ocular retinoblastoma.
Michael: Hey. I thought we said no more law talk.
[flashback:]
Michael: I really can't see anybody right now.
Maggie Lizer: Oh, well, I can't see anybody ever.
[flashback:]
Maggie Lizer: I'm blind.
Michael: I'm wasted.
[present:]
Narrator: Michael realized that the woman he was attempting to never see again was blind and he was overcome with guilt.
Michael: When... can we go out again?
Maggie Lizer: Really? I thought you were, like, just into this one-night stand kind of thing.
Michael: Come on. I took a blind woman home with no intention of dating her again? Please!

Narrator: George Sr. was continuing to exploit his relationship with Cindi.
George Sr.: What- What evidence does the government have on old wise George, by the way?
Cindi Lightballoon: Oh, I hate it when you call yourself old! [George Sr. chuckles] You're new to me!
George Sr.: Oh, that's that's nice. Do they have a a file or tapes?
Cindi Lightballoon: Oh, what's the use? You're married.
George Sr.: Yeah. Let me ask you-
Cindi Lightballoon: We'll never be together.
George Sr.: Let me ask you a question.
Cindi Lightballoon: Let's just go back to what we do best.
George Sr.: Okay.
Cindi Lightballoon: Tweak me.

Lucille: George!
George Sr.: Lucille! Hi. Uh, this is not what it looks like.
Lucille: It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence.
George Sr.: Yep. Yeah, that's it.
Lucille: Is this why you wanted to fight this thing? So you could run off with this great redwood of a whore?
George Sr.: Listen to me. She is a fan of mine. She has seen everything I've done. You understand? Everything.
Lucille: Well, so have I and I'm not going to put up with it anymore.
George Sr.: Okay.
Lucille: You'll be hearing from Barry.

Gob: Boy, you really had to work hard to bag this blind girl, huh?
Michael: I certainly can't take advantage of her now, knowing what I know.
Gob: What? No. Michael, you can! Don't you- You've just won the gold medal at the sexual Special Olympics! She can't ever find you again. Don't you see that you're so lucky? God! How do you not s- What's the matter with you?

Michael: Didn't you "bag" some woman you're never going to see again?
Gob: Well, I screwed up. I broke a couple of my own rules last night. She knows that I'm Gob Bluth and we got married and I just...
Michael: What?
Gob: Well, she was a darer. She's one of those girls who just dares you to do things.
Michael: You married her?
Gob: I needed a dare!

Narrator: What had started as an innocent flirtation had turned into a series of escalating challenges. Unfortunately, the evening was draining and the one thing they never dared each other to do was consummate the marriage.
Gob: Well, guess it's time to seal the deal.
Bride of Gob: Oh, wait! What time is it? Oh, God! "Seal the deal." My seal deal! I gotta get to Sea Land. I'm selling five of their sickest seals to a third-world zoo.
Gob: Did you say seals?
Bride of Gob: Yes! I told you four hours ago, I sell seals! God! Do you ever listen to what I say?
Gob: I'm sorry I don't memorize every word that comes out of your mouth. Sometimes I just like to think... think my thoughts.
Bride of Gob: Ugh, we'll talk about this when I get home.

Michael: I'm so sorry that I'm late.
Maggie Lizer: I thought I smelled you coming.
Michael: Mm. Yeah, here I am.
Maggie Lizer: I thought so. Did you smell him? Did you smell the handsome man, Justice?
Michael: "Handsome." You don't have any evidence of handsome.
Maggie Lizer: Well, that's true. But I can feel handsome.
Michael: Mmm.
Maggie Lizer: That feels handsomey.