Ava: This is part of my recovery elixir. [Russian accent] Strong like bull. [chuckles] [normal voice] Oh, good morning, y'all.
Melissa: Did you just get here?
Ava: No.

Janine: So, how much glitter would you say your kids are using on their egg drop thingies?
Mr. Morton: We never use glitter on our thingies, because that would add mass which would throw off the equation.
Janine: Okay, so maybe just like a dash, then? Answer?

Gregory: You feel like the egg drop is right for your kids? I mean, it takes a fairly decent understanding of physics.
Janine: Yeah, I'm sure it's right, because learning should be fun and about new experiences, and not whether or not the eggs break.
Gregory: It's actually only about whether or not the eggs break.
Melissa: Oh, my God, you won't shut up about this egg drop. And now your kids told my kids. Now my kids are all excited, so I gotta do it. And all these wasted eggs when the Cowboys are in town. Now I gotta throw Molotov cocktails at their bus.

Barbara: Excuse me. I was just wondering if, you know, when you are around the children, if you might... cover up a bit.
Krystal: Oh, yeah, of course.
Barbara: Thank you.
[Krystal zips up her sweater to reveal it says "SLUT"]
Krystal: [chuckles] You have a good one.
Student: Ms. Howard.
Barbara: Yes?
Student: What's S-L...
Barbara: [hushing] It is, uh... the Saint Louis University of Technology. And it is a very fine university, yes, it is. Please, have a seat.

Ava: Oh, good. I didn't miss Stump-ty Dumpty's turn at the top.

Janine: Um, hello? What are you, some kind of mad scientist? How did none of your eggs break?
Melissa: Easy. I cheated. Just hard-boiled a bunch of eggs and, boom, happy class.
Janine: And you're proud of that?
Melissa: Are you proud of having a class full of crying second graders? Look, I'd love to teach my class quantum mechanics. It's my secret weapon at the craps table, but second graders can't understand it, Janine.

Jacob: If you think about it, science is just history plus math.
Gregory: That's not at all correct.

Ava: Y'all seen that movie Pacific Rim, where Idris Elba fights the Kaiju? Now that's science. You know what's iffy, though? Pigeons.
Gregory: Wait.

Barbara: The parent of one of my students has a very unsavory marking across her bosom.
Ava: The mom with the "bitch" tattoo?
Melissa: Loved that book. Movie was meh.

Barbara: And even after I gently asked her to cover up, she came back with a sweater that was even worse!
Melissa: Oh, yeah, you gotta do something about her.
Ava: I agree.
Jacob: Uh, I just want to chime in and say I'm gonna sit this one out. I think my role here is best as an active listener. Although, I will say, the reclamation of the word "bi..."