Melissa: Hey, Ava! Thanks for using all the printer paper to make your dumb fliers.
Ava: Don't thank me. Thank the trees that laid down their lives. They're the heroes.
Jacob: "Ava Cold-man's Pop Out Pop-Up: The Mask Stays On"?
Melissa: The hell even is this? A-Another pyramid scheme?
Ava: It's only a scheme if you're at the bottom of the pyramid, and obviously... I'm a top.

Gregory: And you're just ditching Janine's class?
Ava: I'm not ditching. I'm pivoting. Besides, those kids are unhinged. I'm done with teaching. Time to throw in the towel.
Mr. Johnson: And I'm the towel. I'm your sub, Mr. Johnson. Have any of you ever flown into Denver Airport? Or have a fondness for lizards the size of humans? Anybody?

Gregory: Ava, the date is how they start every day. It's important. It's a process. There's a reason why we build a routine. Each step builds upon the last.
Ava: Like a Beyoncé playlist.
Gregory: Sure.
Ava: You wouldn't put "Love on Top" in front of "Church Girl." [chuckles]
Gregory: Look, we work really hard to build a curriculum, and I know it's boring, but tomorrow you can get right back to making TikToks or whatever else it is that you do. But today we need your help. They just need you for a few more hours... and for you to follow everything that's in that binder.
Ava: I hear what you're saying. I just have one question.
Gregory: Mm-hmm.
Ava: Does school end at 2:30 or 3:00?
Gregory: Let's be safe and say 3:00.

Mr. Johnson: Why build an airport 25 miles from the city if you aren't trying to hide anything?
Ava: Alright, Man in Black, I'm tappin' back in.
Mr. Johnson: Now go home and tell your parents what I taught you, kids. It starts with you.

Mr. Johnson: Taking these to storage, Ava. We're swimming in printer paper.
Barbara: Did you order those for us?
Ava: Don't look at me like that. We were short, so I got some more. Acting like I'm not the most responsible one in here. Oh, and the city called. They're gonna turn off the power in the gym so they can fix the fire alarm. It was in a memo. That's short for "memorization." So you guys should remember that.
Gregory: Hm. No.
[aside to camera:]
Ava: Just helping out a little. Don't read too much into it. It was mostly for me. Just making sure I am never put in that position again. Substitute teaching. Yet another doomsday scenario Young Ava is prepped for!

Janine: Has anyone seen the other half of my tuna melt? I was gonna eat it for dinner.
Barbara: It's not in the fridge?
Janine: No. It was, but now it's filled with these eye masks?
Ava: Don't touch those. They're for my next shipment for my customers. Those bad boys stay cool for hours on the face. And that's the Ava "Cold-man" guarantee.
Janine: Well, where's my sandwich?
Ava: Over on the window sill with the milk and the mayonnaise.
Janine: Oh.
Gregory: How long has it been sitting in the sun?
Ava: I don't know. I'm not a weatherman.

Jacob: Janine, I've told you my Zimbabwe tapeworm story enough times for you to know not to eat that, right?
Janine: Jacob, you can just say "tapeworm story." We know where you were.
Jacob: Well, good, 'cause it's relevant to the story.

Ava: They're for my launch party. The future is eye masks.
Melissa: The future is gonna be unemployment if you don't quit scamming the school. I mean, at least replace the paper. I had to print a test for my kids for tomorrow.
Ava: All y'all do is complain. Damn! "Ava hogging the refrigerator. Ava used all the printer paper. Ava forgot to sign our paychecks last week."
Barbara: You forgot to sign our paychecks?!
Ava: Yes! Why do I have to say things twice? Look, you teachers only have one class to worry about. I have a whole school. Do you ever hear me complain?
Gregory: Literally all the time.
Ava: And I deserve to. My job is really hard. I don't see any of y'all trying to be principal! [Gregory looks to camera]

Janine: [mouth full] You know what? This is actually pretty good. The sun heated it up for me. Nature's microwave.

Ava: [on the phone] Hey, girl. I know the last time you subbed at Abbott somebody stole your Invisalign, but we are desperate. Can you come in?
Substitute Teacher: [in person] I'm already here. For Mr. Morton.
Ava: Then why am I using my minutes on you?! Get off the phone! Teach your class!