Dick: Mary, come look at the room.
Mary: Oh, it's just as it was when I was a little girl. And I remember you. My family, the Albrights, brought me here every summer.
Mrs. Larson: I'm sorry, dear. I don't recall.
Mary: Oh, you must remember! I loved your blueberry Belgian waffles.
Mrs. Larson: I have so many guests here. You- You people all blend together.

Mary: Oh, I have a wonderful idea! We used to go to this woodsy little place called Der burgerplatz. The juiciest hamburgers in the world.
Dick: It sounds Der wonderful. Shall we go now?
Mary: Or later. After you've earned it.
Dick: Oh. You mean you want to... But, Mary, it's still daylight.
Mary: Sure. That's the charm of a place like this.
Dick: Oh, they should put that in the brochure.

Mary: Oh, this is horrible! Spring break has invaded my little Burgerplatz.

Dick: So this is what young people do on spring break?
Mary: These kids have ruined this place.
Dick: Oh, I don't know. It looks like they're having a pretty good time, especially those people over there with the-- Is that a goat?
Mary: Oh, let's get out of here. There are other places to eat.
Dick: I'll tell you what, Mary, why don't you go and I'll stay?
Mary: What?
Dick: Uh, the burgers. You love the burgers, and you should have them, so I'll stay and get in line in this fun, awful place, and bring them back to the room eventually... right away.
Mary: Really, Dick? You're the best!
Dick: No, you're the best. No, wait. I'm the best.

Harry: So, Jack, what's the perp doing?
Jack McMannus: Sitting on the couch.
Tommy: What's he doing now?
Jack McMannus: Sitting on the couch.
Tommy: That bastard!
Harry: He's toying with us!
Jack McMannus: It's all right, boys. We are gonna tail this freak until he makes a move, and I know guys like this. They always make a move.
Tommy: Oh, yeah, they move, all right.
Harry: They move all over the place!
Jack McMannus: If you'll excuse me, I gotta take care of a 514.
Tommy: What's that?
Jack McMannus: Pee-pee.

Sally: What is it with that guy? He makes me feel so...
Harry: Tingly?
Tommy: Alive?
Sally: Yeah. Hey, would it be weird if I went and smelled his jacket?
Tommy: Oh, we have.
Harry: Go ahead.

Dick: Okay. I think I'm really done throwing up now.
Bug: You're a wild man, Dr. Solomon.
Dick: Oh, I love this! Living in the moment, alcohol wreaking havoc on my liver, my body destroying itself from the inside... I just feel so alive!
Pitman: Look at all those stars. The universe is so big.
Caryn: There has just got to be intelligent life out there.
Leon: Oh, but they'd never come here. I mean, what can we offer beings of such supreme intelligence?
Dick: Beer me!

Pitman: Wow. You turned into, like, this whole other person, Dr. Solomon.
Dick: You can call me Dick.
Leon: That's so cool, Dick.
Dick: You can call me Dr. Solomon. Uh-oh. [vomits]
Bug: Well, he put the fire out.
Dick: I think I'm really done throwing up now.

Mary: I can't believe you would ruin this place for me, Dick, a place that meant so much to me.
Dick: Grind it, Mary! Grind all your problems away!
Mrs. Larson: [enters] Stop! Stop this ruckus this minute!
Mary: I am so sorry. I have never been so embarrassed.
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, you should be. And I do remember you. You're that fat little girl who ate everybody's Belgian waffles.
Mary: Well, I-
Mrs. Larson: And this is the kind of wild parties and drunkenness that your family brought when they came here.
Mary: What?
Mrs. Larson: I want you out of here by tonight! [door closes]
Dick: Dance break! [loud music plays]

Harry: [rings doorbell] Testing 1, 2. Testing 1, 2. [sings] I've got you Under my skin I've got you. [a man opens the door] Pizza delivery.
Man: I didn't order a pizza.
Harry: Yeah, well, it's part of a special promotional thing.
Man: There's nothin' but crusts.
Tommy: [over speaker] [static] Don, Don, something's wrong. I can't hear Harry at all.
Man: What the hell was that?
Don: [over speaker] Oh, crap. I think we've got the mic, and he's got the speaker.
Tommy: [over speaker] What? But- But then that means that the video pirate can hear everything we're sayin'!
Don: [over speaker] Run, Harry. Run!
Tommy: [over speaker] Run, you idiot! Run!
Harry: I gotta run. [screams]