Don: Phil? What is this? I ordered a pastrami on rye without mustard. This has... mustard! You call yourself a cop?
[Sally throws herself at Don]

Dick: Okay, boys, I'm out of here. Now, listen up. With the police here day and night, I want you all to be on your guard. Don't do anything that might expose our true identities.
Tommy: Come on, Dick. What do you think we're going to do, walk around in T-shirts that say, "Hug me. I'm an alien"?
Harry: I'm never gonna live that down, am I?

Jack McMannus: I'm looking for an officer Don Orville.
Don: I am he.
Jack McMannus: Jack McMannus. State Crime Division.
Don: Well, what, like the Feds?
Jack McMannus: No. Feds are federal. I'm with the state. It's feds, state... you.
Sally: Don, is he serious?
Jack McMannus: Listen up, people! We've been chasing this video pirate for a long time, so I hereby commandeer this observation post.
Sally: But Don, this is your case. Tell him!
Don: Yeah, what am I supposed to do?
Jack McMannus: You can get me a sandwich.

Sally: Why do you have to ride Don like that? He's a good guy.
Jack McMannus: Well, I'm sure he is, but I have a job to do. I didn't make lieutenant by being a softie.
Sally: Wait a second. You're a lieutenant? So am I! [off his look] Salvation Army. Yeah, yeah. I get to ring your bigger bells. So does the target have a back door perimeter?
Jack McMannus: Yeah. I'll have a unit standing by with a reserve blockade.
Sally: Oh, how you going in, V formation or 2 by 2?
Jack McMannus: Wow, you really know your military tactics.
Sally: Oh, well, you know, Christmas crowds, they're basically animals.
Jack McMannus: 2 by 2, but if things get dicey, I'm gonna have to fall back on sprint and cover.
Sally: That's exactly what I would do. Shall we talk weapons?
Jack McMannus: Sure. Want to see my piece? [pulls out gun]
Sally: Yowser!

Sally: Hi, Jack.
Jack McMannus: [without turning around] Hi.
Sally: Ouchy, this dress is too tight.
Jack McMannus: Oh, yeah?
Sally: And too short. Ohh!
Jack McMannus: Yeah.
Sally: [turns him around] Happy birthday, Mr. President.
Jack McMannus: Yowser.

Sally: Listen, Jack, I'm not gonna lie to you. I find you very attractive, and I know you must find me attractive, because... well, you have eyesight.
Jack McMannus: But I'm on duty.
Sally: I'm wearing a thong.
Jack McMannus: I'll sign out. [answers cell phone] Oh. McMannus. Yeah, Captain, I understand. I'll be right there. [hangs up] I'm sorry, doll. I gotta go. There's something that needs to be taken care of, and I'm the only guy who can do it.
Sally: Ohh! You ain't kiddin', baby.

Jack McMannus: [to Don] You are a disgrace to that uniform, and not just because of that haircut.
Sally: Hey, hey, hey! At least Don took some action.
Jack McMannus: Yeah. He blew all my hard work.
Sally: I can't even believe I was ever attracted to you.
Don: Huh?
Sally: You know something? You may be a big time state cop, and you may be gorgeous and get high profile cases and make a lot of money, but you got nothin' on my Donny!
Don: Thanks, Sally. That wasn't emasculating at all.

Don: Were you really attracted to him?
Sally: I thought I was. But, Don you... you had the guts to risk Harry's life. Nothing makes me hotter than a man of action.
Don: I'll show you some action.
Sally: Oh, yeah. Order me around, you funky small town cop.
Don: Get in there!

Dick: Since volume is proportional to the cube of the radius, then the atom is actually 10 to [students chatter]... the 15 power... mmm! What did I just say, Leon?
Leon: Uh, "What did I just say, Leon."
Dick: Students, we are talking about the orbital trajectories of subatomic nuclei. This is the fun stuff I promised you.
Caryn: Dr. Solomon, how can you expect us to concentrate?
Bug: Yeah, this is the last class before spring break.
Dick: Ahh, yes, spring break. The time when young people give their minds a rest from giving their minds a rest.

Bug: Come on, Dr. Solomon. You were young once.
Dick: Why, no. No, I wasn't.
Leon: Well, what do you mean?
Dick: None of your business!