Dick: And it's worse for Mary. Her research means everything to her and and to nobody else. If only there was some way I could help her. Oh, but faculty is labor, and labor is powerless.
Sally: You know, that actually doesn't seem fair. I mean, labor does all the work.
Harry: Yeah. If the workers didn't show, they'd have nothin'.
Dick: Harry, what you've just said, it's given me a brilliant idea. This is crazy, but bear with me. What if the workers didn't show up for work one day?
Harry: Yes. Maybe on a Sunday.
Dick: No, not on a Sunday. On a regular workday. What if these workers said they wouldn't come back until their - let's call them "demands" - were met.
Harry: You'd have them over a barrel.
Sally: The bosses would cave.

Dick: It's too late for fonts. What we need is action. We can't be afraid. Suter? You're afraid you'll lose your new office. Strudwick, you're afraid you'll lose your precious perks. Judith, you're afraid you'll die a lonely spinster surrounded by cats.
Strudwick: We're being cautious.
Dick: You're being sheep, but at least the noble sheep gives us warm sweaters. All your hides would provide are coward pants.
Judith: And you have a better idea?
Dick: We hit the chancellor where he lives. We threaten to resign en masse if we don't get what we want.
Strudwick: You mean a strike?
Dick: What? No. No, I'm calling it "The Mighty Professor Tornado of the 21st Century."
Strudwick: A strike.
Dick: Fine. We'll call it a strike.

Dick: And look at this. The chancellor has even cut off the free long distance. So much for my international ideas exchange.
Sally: That's just you dialing random numbers and talking to whoever answers.
Dick: Yes. Just yesterday, I had a brief but fruitful conversation with a Dutch lady about it being the middle of the night over there.

Dick: Okay. Is everybody here? It's time to take action against the new chancellor.
Mary: Absolutely. I'm considering a letter of protest to the Daily Badgerian. I might even use the word obstreperous.
Strudwick: I'll help you, Mary. I just downloaded some angry looking fonts.
Mary: Great.

Tommy: All right, one more hand, then I gotta go.
Sally: Where you goin'?
Tommy: Oh, you know how Alissa manages that pretzel place at the mall? She got me a job there.
Sally: You're getting paid to hang out with your girlfriend?
Tommy: What a country.

Mary: Dick... did you see this memo from the new chancellor? He's- He's cut everything.
Strudwick: Tenure, gone.
Judith: Women's field hockey, gone.
Mary: Look at this, my research budget. He's cut it to nothing. All my work.
Dick: Oh, Mary, this is awful. Why would he do this to you? I mean, I could understand Judith or Strudwick, but- But you.

Mary: Well, this new chancellor is a horrible man.
Strudwick: He's an idiot.
Judith: A real pig.
Chancellor Duncan: [enters] Hello, everyone.
Mary: Chancellor Duncan.
Strudwick: Welcome. Welcome.
Judith: That's a great suit.
Dick: You officious ogre!

Chancellor Duncan: Did you all get a chance to look at my little memo?
Dick: Yes, I'm afraid we have, and quite frankly-
Judith: Innovative.
Strudwick: I was gonna say groundbreaking.
Mary: Yeah.
Chancellor Duncan: Good, good, and thank you all for giving the new chancellor a... chance. [chuckles] [all laugh as Chancellor Duncan exits]
Dick: You know, I didn't notice it at first, but he's a delightful man.
Judith: He's a nightmare.
Strudwick: A monster.
Dick: Oh, I get it.
Chancellor Duncan: [returns] Did I leave my briefcase?
Mary: Oh, there it is, right there.
Judith: That's a gorgeous briefcase.
Strudwick: Very nice.
Dick: Take that hideous satchel and begone!
Chancellor Duncan: Oh, you must be Solomon.
Dick: The name is on the door. Read it on your way out!

Harry: I just don't understand why we have to make the pretzels. It says they're homemade.
Alissa: Yeah, they're homemade right here.
Harry: Does Mrs. Fetzel know about this?
Alissa: Tommy, there is no Mrs. Fetzel. She was invented by a bunch of marketing guys.
Tommy: A small part of me has just died.

Alissa: Tommy, these pretzels aren't even twisted.
Tommy: Oh, yeah. That's my new innovation, pretzel wads.
Alissa: Okay, but people want shapes.
Tommy: Since when is wad not a shape?