Mary: You know, Dick, if we're gonna make it to dinner, we better go now. Every place is gonna be closed in an hour.
Dick: I'm sorry, Mary. I- I can't leave now.
Mary: Why?
Dick: I have a whole world to explore. Riches to unearth. And in 15 minutes, there's an on-line chat with Jennifer Love Hewitt, and no way am I missing that!

Dr. Howard: Now, what I'd like to do now is take an aggressive approach by running an extensive battery of tests on you, Harry. Does that sound good?
Harry: Well, it doesn't sound great.
Dr. Howard: You just relax. Drink this solution, and I'll be back in a minute for the x-ray.
Vicki Dubcek: Look at that. It's just Kool-aid.
Dr. Howard: Kool-aid with radioactive tracers.

Vicki Dubcek: Harry, listen to me. We're gonna get through this. You know that Dr. Howard? He's got this little tiny camera that he can send straight up your-
Harry: [spits out] Okay, that's it! No more specialists, no more equipment, and no more radioactive Kool-aid.
Vicki Dubcek: Harry, what are you doing?
Harry: Now you listen to me, baby. This isn't about doctors or medicine. It's about you and me, baby. Two people in love.
Vicki Dubcek: You're hurting me.
Harry: Yeah! Now, if we're gonna make a baby, we're gonna do it the natural way.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, Harry.
Harry: Vicki, I suggest you join me up here on this butcher paper right now.

Tommy: You see, Alissa, the problem wasn't the TV. The problem was we didn't have Dolby 6-speaker digital surround-sound.
Sally: Stupid!
Tommy: But now we have everything. Okay. Hold on. [Entertainment Tonight theme plays] Okay. We're at 30% volume. [music louder] 40%. 50%. Ahhh!
Alissa: Stop it!
Tommy: Whoa! I feel like I'm watching entertainment tonight at Carnegie freakin' Hall.
Sally: Awesome!
Alissa: Turn it down! [music stops] How loud do you need to hear that it's Mary Steenburgen's birthday?
Sally: Louder?

Sally: [knocks on door] [o.s.] Dick. We're going to the Taste of Rutherford's street festival. You coming?
Dick: Coming? I'm already there. There's a live video stream from the roof of the bank. It looks like the chili booth is the place to be.

Tommy: [o.s.] Dick, we're going to a movie.
Dick: Don't bother me. I'm performing virtual surgery.
Tommy: [o.s.] Fine.
Dick: Oh! Look what you made me do. Suction!

Mary: [pounding on door] [o.s.] Dick, are you in there?
Dick: Just slide the pizza under the door, please.
Mary: [enters] Oh, my God, Dick! You haven't been to work in three days. Your family is so concerned they called me. They never do that.
Dick: Ah, my family. Yes. Sally, Harry, and the little one. How are they?
Mary: Again, they're concerned. Dick, I think you need a little fresh air. I'm going to take you outside.
Dick: I can't allow that to happen, Mary.
Mary: Get up!
[As Mary pulls Dick away from his computer, a cup is knocked over and spills on the keyboard.]
Dick: You've made me so angry, Mary.
Mary: Oh, go to hell!

Nina: What's with the beeper?
Mary: Oh, I just got it. You know, my parents aren't getting any younger, and I feel a little safer knowing that they can reach me. Just being a good daughter. If anything, I am a good daughter.
Nina: Aren't you gonna call back?
Mary: [hesitates] Yeah, I guess so.

Dick: [talks into computer mouse] Computer, activate now. Oh. Oh ho, silly me. It's Japanese. [clears throat] Ima kumputa hajimate!

Alissa: Interesting hair.
Tommy: No, I think that's a hat.
Harry: No, I don't think a cow would wear a hat.
Alissa: Why don't you guys just get a new TV?
Sally: Wha... New TV? Can we- Can we do that?
Alissa: Yeah.
Sally: My God, that's brilliant!
Tommy: That's my girlfriend.