Vicki Dubcek: Harry. [holds stick]
Harry: Oh, oh! It's blue! It's blue! Oh, my God. We're pregnant! I am the man!
Vicki Dubcek: Harry, I just had a blue icy pop.
Harry: Oh. Well, that doesn't mean that I'm not the man.

Harry: Miss, you have a very rare condition which can only be cured by gettin' naked. We don't have much time.

Dr. Howard: Hi, I'm Dr. Howard. I understand you've been trying to get pregnant.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, boy, we sure have. For a whole month.
Harry: It's been the greatest month of my life.
Dr. Howard: Well, a month, that's a little early to panic.
Vicki Dubcek: But it's not like we're doing anything else.

Dr. Howard: Well, if it'll give you some peace of mind, we can have a little look-see. See, the reproductive system is a very complex piece of machinery.
Vicki Dubcek: Okay.
Dr. Howard: You see this, Harry? This is your urethra.
Harry: [gasps] Where did you get that picture?!
Vicki Dubcek: It's not really yours. Probably some fancy male model, isn't it?
Dr. Howard: Sure.

Salesman: Hello. May I help you?
Dick: Yes. I am quite livid! I purchased this computer here two weeks ago, and I can't do anything with it. It's broken.
Salesman: We haven't sold this machine here for six years.
Dick: Fine, fine. I'll just take store credit, then.
Salesman: This is stamped "Property of Pendelton university."
Dick: You have sold me stolen goods? How dare you!
Salesman: You did not buy this computer here. You are lying. You are a liar.
Dick: I thought the customer was always right.

Tommy: That's so clear.
Sally: Yeah, you can actually see where this guy ends and this guy starts.
Tommy: Oh, whoa, this one's even better.
Sally: Oh, yeah!
Tommy: But it pales in comparison to this masterpiece!
Sally: Tommy.
Tommy: Huh? Sweet mother!
Both: There's a picture in that picture!

Dick: Okay, configure modem file. Where's the modem file?
Mary: Go to your control panel.
Dick: My what?
Mary: Your control panel on your desktop.
Dick: [looks at desk] Where?
Mary: On your computer's desktop.
Dick: That's not a desktop. This is a desktop. That's a screen.

Tommy: Now, this is high quality.
Sally: Oh, yeah! DVDs, baby! Digital video... dynamite.
Tommy: This resolution is perfect.
Sally: Oh, the colors are so alive.
Alissa: It's Leprechaun 2.
Tommy: Whoa, whoa, check this out. There's a bonus audio track where you can hear the director's comments.
Alissa: The director of Leprechaun 2.
Sally: Ooh, and look, at the end you can see the original trailers for the movie.
Alissa: You're paying to watch the commercials for Leprechaun 2!

Dick: Nothing. I've done everything you ask, and what do I get? Nothing! That's it! Bon voyage. It's out to the landfill with you!
Computer: [male voice] Welcome.
Dick: What did you say?
Computer: You have mail.
Dick: I do?

Dick: Oh, my God. Art, science, philosophy. This is beautiful.
Sally: What are you talking about, Dick?
Dick: I... I'm on-line! Do you know what they call this? The world wide web. The entire planet is at my fingertips.
Sally: Hmm, good for you.
Dick: Good for all of us. We've spent all this time trying to get closer to humanity, and now we have instant access to every culture on earth! Except the French. Ah! There they are!
Sally: Lucky us.
Dick: [singing French national anthem]