Veronica: I'm afraid the, uh, company has decided to terminate you.
Sally: You're having me killed?!
Veronica: No. No, no. We're firing you.
Sally: Oh, good. Why?
Veronica: The incident with Mr. Webber.
Sally: Oh. Okay, uh, veronica. Um, I'm glad you brought that up. You see, Mr. Webber has been making me feel very uncomfortable.
Veronica: Well, then you should've filed a complaint with us.
Sally: That's what I'm doing.
Veronica: Yes, I know, but you should've come in before you broke his kneecap. Now you don't have a leg to stand on.
Sally: But neither does he.

Harry: You know, Dick, I don't think you have a clue about Earth women. Matter of fact, I don't think you'd be too good with women from any planet. [to Sally] Speaking of women, I think you're incredibly hot. You know, we're not really brother and sister. It's all made up. What say we have a go at it? You, me, and a stick of butter. What do you say?
Tommy: Look, Harry, home shopping.
Harry: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Seen it, seen it. Bought it, bought it. Want it. Need it. Ooh! Oh, I like that. [the others sigh]
Tommy: Peace.

August: Um, Tommy, I'm meeting Kevin at the mall. Do you want to come along?
Tommy: Yeah! Yeah. That'd be great! Me, my old girlfriend, her new boyfriend, cruisin' the food court, hangin' out, splittin' a hot pretzel. No.
August: You are so immature.
Tommy: Oh, really, August, and how old are you?
August: I'm not talking about age, Tommy. I'm talking about maturity.
Tommy: Oh, maturity. I see. Well, tell me, August. Who's the one who wants to hang out at the mall, hmm?!

August: Your son is impossible.
Dick: I completely agree.
August: He doesn't get that girls mature faster, and that women-
Dick: Blah, blah, blah. You made your point. I said I agreed. Now get out!

Sally: Look, Mr. Webber, I just want you to know that I read that booklet from the human resources-
Mr. Webber: Oh, whoa, whoa. Whoa! I was just kidding. Honestly.
Sally: Oh, you're very kind, but, look, I know I look hot, and if I have impeded your performance or made you uncomfortable in the workplace, I apologize for that right now.
Mr. Webber: Well, if you want to apologize, maybe we could do it over drinks.
Sally: Oh, that's sweet.
Mr. Webber: 'Cause I certainly can't work with those legs around. Do you have any idea what you're doing to me? [exits]
Sally: Oh, my God. [door closes] I'm sexually harassing my boss!

Nina: Harry, what are you doing here?
Harry: Just visiting my good friend Nina. Hey, what's that music?
Nina: It's jazz.
Harry: Well, it's groovy. You know what else is groovy? Television. You know what's on television right now? Shows.
Nina: Oh. Sorry, Harry. Something's wrong with my antenna.
Harry: Don't worry. I'll fix it. As god is my witness, I'll fix it.

Sally: Oh, Nina, I got to talk to somebody.
Nina: Well, sure. Come on in.
Sally: You got to help me. I am sexually harassing my boss.
Nina: What are you talking about?
Sally: It's all my fault. No matter what perfume I wear, he sniffs me. My legs distract him all day long. He can't get any work done.
Nina: Sally, this guy sounds like a total creep.

Dick: Nina, I need some information.
Sally: Dick, I was talking to Nina.
Dick: Well, wait your turn. Nina, I want you to call up Mary and find out if she's with anybody.
Nina: No!
Dick: I'd do it myself, but she'd think that I still wanted her and I don't!

Dick: What do you think you're doing?
Tommy: I'm enjoying myself. For the first time on this planet, I've met a woman who appreciates me for what I think. A woman who doesn't judge me by my appearance. I'm happy, Dick.
Dick: She's too old for you.
Tommy: I'm older than you!
Dick: Well, you're too old for her! Either way, it won't work!

Tommy: I make her laugh, Dick. She likes it.
Dick: You shut your foul mouth!
Tommy: She said she never laughed so hard with you.
Dick: You listen to me, grandpa. You stay away from the woman that I don't love!
Tommy: She's not your girlfriend anymore, pal. You gave me the all clear, so shove off!
Mary: [o.s.] Tom!
Tommy: Yeah, I'm coming... Mary.
Dick: Ooh!
Tommy: And if I catch you hanging around this porch again, I'm calling the cops.