Dick: This afternoon I tried to borrow her magnifying glass. You know, to burn some ants.
Sally: Of course. Go on.
Dick: So anyway, she's like, "No, you'll break it!" And I'm all, "I will not!" And she's like, "It's mine! You can't have it!" So we have this huge fight. Finally she let me borrow it when she wasn't looking.
Sally: And let me guess. You broke it.
Dick: Yes! A particularly large queen burst into flames, and I got scared and dropped it on the sidewalk.

Mary: You have a very interesting theory.
Tommy: Well, for a teenager.
Mary: No, for anybody. You know, most people dismiss non-literate cultures.
Tommy: Well, we live in one.
Mary: Would you like a cup of coffee, Tommy?
Tommy: Could you do me a favor? Call me Tom.
Mary: Would you like a cup of coffee, Tom?
Tommy: I would love a cup of coffee, Mary.

Veronica: Miss, uh, Solomon? There's been a mistake. There's only four words on this typing test.
Sally: No, no, no. That's right. You asked me if I could type forty words per minute. There it is: "Forty words per minute." And it only took me a half hour.
Veronica: When we say for-
Sally: Okay. You know what? They're your rules, not mine.

Mary: [answers phone] Hello. Oh, hi, Tom! I had a wonderful time, too! No, I will not let you buy me lunch. I'll buy you lunch. I insist! Okay. Good-bye, Tom. [hangs up] Nina, I'll be back in about an hour.
Nina: Have a nice lunch.
Dick: Nina, I need to send something over to Tom, and I seem to have lost Tom's address. Who is he again?
Nina: I don't know, and it's none of my business.
Dick: Well, it's none of my business, and I'm obsessed with it.
Nina: I thought the two of you were over. Why do all men think once they plant the flag, they own the mountain?
Dick: I spent two years climbing that mountain, and I'm not about to let another man yodel on it!

August: Your son is impossible!
Dick: And you're a pain in the ass. You're made for each other!

Dick: What's this? "Hearty man's meatloaf with all the fixin's."
Sally: Okay. This is the bad news, you guys. As a working woman, I can no longer cook for you. From now on, you have to eat frozen dinners.
[Dick and Tommy let out a giddy squeal before feigning sadness]
Dick: Can we start tonight?

Sally: Mr. Webber, you have a meeting in 10 minutes.
Mr. Webber: Mmm. Someone smells like fresh lemons. What are you wearing?
Sally: Pledge.

Harry: Aah! Good news! I've got Mister Ed. No, wait. It's a Madonna video.

Harry: Everybody freeze. We've got reception.
Dick: I said no TV!
Nina: That was my antenna!
Dick: Don't worry, I'll take it out of your salary.

Mr. Webber: Well, good morning, sweetness.
Sally: Let's cut to the chase. Your conduct is affecting my work performance and/or creating an intimidating environment in my workplace.
Mr. Webber: You know, Sally. It's casual Friday. Why are you wearing a bra?
Sally: Oh, wow! I don't believe it. Harry was right. I'm going to have to plant a patent leather pump right in your ass.