Strudwick: What bothers you most about Dr. Solomon's teaching methods?
Bug: He's always saying I'm wrong.
Strudwick: And how often are you wrong?
Bug: Always.

Pitman: One day he told me if I liked long hair so much, maybe I should join the circus.
Strudwick: Were you hurt by that?
Pitman: No. More confused.

Tommy: Hey, Dick, can I borrow the car keys? I have a date with August.
Dick: Sure, Tommy.
Sally: You can't give him the keys. He can't drive.
Tommy: How do you know? I've never tried it. I could be great at it.
Dick: Check and mate.
Sally: No, Dick, he doesn't even have a license.
Dick: You don't have your license yet?
Tommy: I'm taking driver's ed.
Dick: She's right. No keys for you.
Sally: Ha ha!
Tommy: Then what am I supposed to do?
Dick: Sally, you drive him.
Tommy: Ha ha!

Harry: So, Vicki, why didn't you return any of my phone calls?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, I wanted to, but they they put a lock on the phone down at Social Services.
Harry: Well, I'm glad you're here 'cause I could use some social services.

Vicki Dubcek: That's my best friend. That's Kenny. Ooh, Jace carter.
Harry: Ooh! Whoa! Who's the biker chick with the Confederate flag and the bottle of bourbon?
Vicki Dubcek: That's me.
Harry: Nice.
Vicki Dubcek: Harry, I was wondering if maybe you'd be my date to the reunion.
Harry: I'd love to. Will there be turkey?

Dick: [on the phone] Fine! This is the last time I shop at Gotta Dance. [hangs up] The audacity! They won't allow me to return my unitard.
Tommy: Why not?
Dick: Because I wore it without my underpants.
Sally: Oh, my God!

Woman: Vicki Dubcek? Look at you!
Vicki Dubcek: Oh, look at you.
Woman: What was that nickname we used to call you?
Vicki Dubcek: "Whore."
Harry: Whore! Isn't she priceless?
Woman: And who are you?
Harry: Harry Solomon, United States ambassador to Portugal.

Man: Who are you?
Harry: I'm Vicki's husband, Harry Solomon, Hollywood stuntman. And when I'm not crashing through plate glass windows or catching on fire, you'll find me at my Hollywood mansion with my wife. You see, I could have any woman I want, including her... but I choose Vicki to share my fabulous Hollywood lifestyle.
Man: Wow! Vicki, you made it.
Vicki Dubcek: Yeah. Yeah, I did.
Harry: I'm also the Postmaster General.

Caryn: Dr. Solomon, I'm really sorry. We never meant for there to be a hearing. I don't even know how it got this far.
[Leon, Bug and Pitman step back and point at Caryn]
Dick: No need to apologize. You're stupid, I'm rude. See you tomorrow.

Mary: Well, Dick, I think you made a nice point.
Dick: Yes, for a piece of stinky cheese.
Mary: Oh, Dick, you are who you are, and that's the guy I love.
Dick: Thank you, Mary. And you know what?
Mary: What?
Dick: I love me, too.
Mary: Good.
Dick: It's something I learned in sensitivity class to love myself.
Mary: Good.
Dick: And I really love myself. I mean, a lot.