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‘Dickmalion’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

3rd Rock from the Sun: Dickmalion

220. Dickmalion

Aired April 13, 1997

Dick is introduced to the elites of Rutherford as Mary tries to climb the social ladder and impress some country club folk. Meanwhile, Tommy falls in with a bad crowd at school.

Quote from Mary

Nina: What she means is you live on the wrong side of the tracks.
Mary: That's not what I'm saying... out loud.
Dick: What?
Mary: Well, it's just that I've tried so hard to get these people to accept me that I don't want to invite them to my boyfriend's attic with his unusual brother and angry Amazon sister in the heart of the meat packing district. No offense.
Dick: No, none taken.
Nina: Or understood.

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Quote from Dick

Nina: So, how was your party? Did you play "pin the tail on the Bentley"?
Dick: [sighs] No, no. Mostly we just played "pin the cheese on the cracker."
Nina: Mmm exciting party, huh?
Dick: Exciting? It was awful. I had a two-hour conversation with someone about Cornish gay men.
Nina: Are you sure it wasn't "Cornish game hen?"
Dick: That's what I said, "Cornish gay men." Aren't you listening?

Quote from Sally

Dick: Now, Sally, they already adore me. But you must strive to be accepted by these people.
Sally: Accepted? Have you forgotten how hot I am? I mean, good looking women are accepted at more places than American Express. I could belch the alphabet and men with PhDs would be asking me to tutor their kids.

Quote from Dick

Mary: Oh, Nina, call the florist and tell them no carnations. I want those flowers that look like bird's heads with a stick stuck in its eye. You know, the good ones?
Dick: Why? What's going on?
Nina: Oh, she's having some big affair.
Dick: Wh- You tramp!
Mary: Oh! Dick, it's a catered affair.
Dick: You're cheating on me and your diet?!

Quote from Mrs. Dubcek

Dick: Mrs. Dubcek, have you ever been to north Rutherford?
Mrs. Dubcek: North Rutherford, sure. I once had a fling with a pool boy up there. Lovely cabana, very nice.
Dick: What's so special about it?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, it's a very different class of people there.
Sally: Different class?
Dick: You mean, not homo sapiens?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh no, they have their "artsy" types too, but they're very discreet.

Quote from Harry

Mary: [o.s.] I'll be right down.
Sally: Have you noticed?
Harry: What?
Sally: There's no TV in this room.
Harry: Then why does it exist?

Quote from Sally

Harry: There's no TV in there either. There is no TV anywhere on the ground floor.
Sally: That explains why she's so weird.
Harry: It's why them hoidy-toidies didn't like her party. She got no TV.
Sally: How does she live?
Dick: Uh, actually, she gets a lot of information from books.
Harry: Get out!
Sally: What?
Dick: Sometimes she even reads for entertainment.
Sally: What, like TV Guide?
Dick: No.

Quote from Mary

Mary: No, the North Rutherford Country Club is planning its charity auction and I volunteered my house.
Dick: I didn't know you were in a club.
Mary: Well, they haven't asked me to join, not yet. They have the most wonderful health spa. Not to mention pool, tennis, golf, spa cuisine. Not that that's important.
Nina: Oh, no.
Mary: I'm doing this for charity.
Dick: Oh, what charity?
Mary: Oh, something for kids. Orphans, I think.

Quote from Harry

Dick: Listen up, this is very important. We've been asked to hob-knob with the creme de la creme of Rutherford's elite.
Harry: Hmm, well, I'm okay hob-wise. It's the knob part what concerns me.

Quote from Dick

Tommy: Great news. I am now the coolest punk in school.
Dick: Well, congratulations! What did you do?
Tommy: I got suspended for setting off the fire alarm.
Dick: They suspended you for that?! You saved hundreds of lives!
Tommy: No, no, no. That's the best part. There was no fire.
Dick: Tommy, this is outrageous! The next time you set off a fire alarm, you damn well better start a fire first!
Tommy: I can never do anything right for you, now can I?

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