Strudwick: Have you ever found Dr . Solomon to be insensitive?
Nina: No. Dr. Solomon is warm, kind, and a credit to Pendelton State.
Strudwick: And he's never been abusive towards you?
Nina: No. Dr. Solomon is warm, kind, and a credit to Pendelton State.
Strudwick: Have you been coached to say that?
Nina: No. Dr. Solomon is warm, kind, and a credit to Pendelton State.

Vicki Dubcek: Hey there, tiger.
Harry: [growls]
Mrs. Dubcek: You remember my daughter Vicki, don't you?
Harry: Sure. I put a turkey carcass on my head and had sex with her on your kitchen table.
Mrs. Dubcek: That's my little girl.

Harry: So, what brings you to Rutherford?
Mrs. Dubcek: She's back for her high school reunion.
Vicki Dubcek: Thanks for killing the surprise, mama.
Mrs. Dubcek: Ever since they canceled Ryan's Hope, she's been real moody.

Don: The wedding chapel was only two miles away. All she had to do was come to a complete stop and turn on her blinker, but I guess she had more important things to think about. And now she's dead! Any questions?
Tommy: Yeah. Where can I rent that movie?
Don: You can't. Class dismissed.

Sally: Hello, Don.
Don: Hello, Sally.
Sally: Tommy said you were showing The Bride Wore Asphalt. Did I miss it?
Don: Yes, but maybe I can arrange for a private screening.
Sally: When?
Don: Now.
Sally: Can we watch it backwards?
Don: You're a sucker for a happy ending. [reel plays] Look, her head's back on.

Mary: [on the phone] Happy birthday, Dad. Of course I remembered. How's the chest pains?
Dick: [hangs up Mary's phone] Mary, do you think I'm insensitive?
Mary: Dick, you just hung up on my father.
Dick: Now, don't try to change the subject.
Mary: Okay, fine. You're insensitive.
Dick: I am?
Mary: Oh, come on, Dick. It wouldn't kill you to occasionally think of people's feelings before you speak.
Dick: [chuckles] What a bunch of crap.

Dick: Okay, class, I thought we'd try something different.
Pitman: No kidding.
Dick: Now, let's reflect on the ballet that is physics. [clears throat] In standard quantum chromodynamics, the Lagrangian density equals one over four pi times the square of the field strength tensor. Now, given that there is this concentration of intense nucleic energy, how many hydronic jets will emerge when the quark/antiquark line within the meson ruptures? Bug?
Bug: A million? [Dick hugs Bug] Does that mean I'm right?
Dick: No, not even close, Bug, but you tried, and that's what makes you special.
Bug: What's that supposed to mean?
Dick: Do you want me to say it slower?
Bug: No.
Dick: Class, I have your midterms. Now, I didn't want anyone to feel stress, so I've abandoned the traditional grading system, and I'm giving you all happy faces.
Caryn: I can't apply to graduate school with a happy face in Physics.
Dick: Graduate school? I don't think any of you have to worry about that.

Dick: Nina, did you make the appointment for my high colonic?
Nina: There are two things I don't do. I don't pick up dry cleaning, and I don't schedule enemas, okay?
Dick: That's okay. I forgive you.

Judith: Dr. Solomon? Oh, dear God. I'll make this brief. Your students have filed a class-wide complaint against you. You are required to appear before the disciplinary committee, which I chair.
Dick: What?! I give them happy faces on their mid-terms, and this is how they repay me?
Nina: Yeah, that's messed up.
Dick: Oh! That's it. No more Mr. Nice Guy. And no hug for you, four eyes.

Don: I thought we would skip dinner and drive straight to lookout point. That is, if you can stand the heat.
Sally: You know me, Don. The hotter, the better. Ready, Tommy?
Tommy: Yeah.
Don: Tommy's coming?
Sally: The kid needs to see how it's done. You could show him how to put the key in the ignition.
Don: Couldn't I just buy him some magazines?
Sally: He's been reading about it for weeks. He's ready for the real thing, and I figure he should learn from the master.
Don: Okay, he can come, but I'm not promising anything.