Don: Sally, what are you doing?
Sally: Oh, I got some great stuff for tonight. Look, almond body lotion. I'm gonna smell like a big almond.
Don: Almonds are good.
Sally: Yeah. Oh, and check this one out. When you blow on it, it gets hotter.
Don: Sally, Sally, could you come over here?
Sally: Oh, sure, I'll just, um... Hey, you don't have any venereal diseases, do you, Don?
Don: No!
Sally: Good 'cause I'm lookin' forward to tonight, but not that much. You know what I'm saying, guys?

Don: Sally, I appreciate your comin' down here, but, you know, until the clock strikes 5:00, I'm still on duty. [Sally removes her nighty] Ah...
Sally: I also got this for tonight.
Don: Rico, I'm takin' a personal day.
Rico: But your shift's over in 10 minutes.
Don: I said I'm takin' a personal day.

Dick: My office is so empty without you.
Mary: Well, how about a new couch to brighten things up?
Dick: Can you do that?
Mary: Oh, sure. Just call the warehouse and tell them Dean Albright said you could have a new couch.
Dick: And maybe a chair?
Mary: Sure.
Dick: And some sporty throw pillows to add a splash of color?
Mary: Make it so! [exits]
Dick: Oh, this is unreal. And my girlfriend's the Dean! My girlfriend's the Dean! I'm the Dean!

Dick: So, Ron, how are the designs for my office coming?
Ron: Dick, let me be up front with you. There are people who are going to tell you not to go Louis XIV. I'm not those people.
Dick: Good. I hate those people. [both chortle] Carry on, my good man.

Dick: You know, we are so proud of your entrance into womanhood that we got you this plaque. Tommy?
Tommy: "Hats off to you, employee of the week."

Sally: It's none of your business!
Dick: Of course it's our business! This is what we do. This is why we're here on Earth. I told you all about my first night with Mary, every disgusting little detail, no matter how much you begged me to stop.
Tommy: Yeah, and now it's your turn, so spill!
Sally: Why do you guys even care so much?
Tommy: Because a) it's real dirty, and b) you won't tell us!
Dick: It's like the less you tell me, the more I want to know!
Sally: Well, you're never gonna know. [exits]
Harry: Oh, now I wanna know even more.

Dick: Now will you come to bed, my little wisp of cheesecloth?
Mary: No, but I'll see you at the office tomorrow.
Dick: Ah! Fine. So long. [turns off the light]
Mary: It's my bedroom.
Dick: Then I guess it's the couch for you.
Mary: Guess again.
Dick: Oh, then it's a fancy hotel room, is it?
Mary: It's your butt out the door!
Dick: That's it! I'm leaving!
Mary: I just kicked you out.
Dick: Too bad. I wasn't listening. [whines] Please let me stay.
Mary: Out!
Dick: That's it, I'm leaving!

Sally: [v.o.] Dear diary, I'm so confused. I've always been able to tell you everything, so, here it goes. Last night-Last night Don and I- We-
Sally: [out loud] Why are you being so nosy? Why can't you just leave me alone? [throws diary and pen]

Tommy: What do you think Don did to her?
Harry: I don't know, but I think it's time we found him and opened up a little can of whup-ass.

Don: I would never do anything to harm Sally. I love her.
Harry: Oh, yeah? Well, then, why isn't she talkin'?
Don: I don't know! That's her business!
Harry: Why, I oughta- [Tommy restrains Harry] Ok. All right, we'll play the little game your way.
Tommy: But, remember, we're watchin' you, 24 hours a day.
Harry: I thought we were gonna go see a movie.
Tommy: Shh!