Dick: Daddy needs a kiss-kiss.
Mary: Well, Daddy's not going to get a kiss-kiss 'cause I'm still cleaning up the mess you made with Lucy.
Dick: Oh, that.
Mary: Dick, she filed a grievance.
Dick: I had to fire her, Mary. She flouted our authority.
Mary: Our authority? You don't have any authority. I'm the Dean, not you. Me. Me - dean, you - boyfriend. [Dick growls] Tomorrow morning, you are going to convince her to take her job back.
Dick: Why do I have to do it?
Mary: Oh, you're incredible. First you give Dr. Strudwick a raise, then you carpet the men's room.
Dick: It was so echoey.

Don: What's the matter? Is Sally okay?
Harry: She's a mess! And we want to know why.
Don: Well, what did she tell you?
Tommy: Nothin'. That's the problem.
Don: Well, how do you know something's wrong?
Tommy: Because she tells us everything about you.
Harry: The way you wear your hat.
Tommy: The way you sip your tea.
Harry: The way your smile just beams.
Tommy: The way you sing off-key.
Don: No, no.
Harry: Yes! She tells us everything, and you can't take that away from me.

Dick: Lucy, please, sit down. I summoned you here because there seems to have been a little misunderstanding. Somehow you got the impression that I fired you. [chuckles]
Lucy: Oh, you mean like when you said, "Pack your bags, princess, the free ride is over"?
Dick: Well, I'm not saying the misunderstanding is entirely your fault. Let's try another approach.
Lucy: Cut the bull, Doc. You want me to drop my grievance so you can get your sorry butt off the chopping block.
Dick: Ah, poor thing. I see the mashed potato fumes have gone to your brain.
Lucy: What?
Dick: Look, things happened that maybe shouldn't have happened. I'm not here to place blame. But I'm sure we can reach an agreement just as soon as you substantially change your attitude.
Lucy: [chuckles] I don't have to change my attitude for you.
Dick: Okay, I tried to give you a second chance, but you blew it! Out you go! You're fired!
Lucy: You can't fire me. You don't have the power.
Dick: Oh, I don't, do I not?
Lucy: No, you don't! And you never did. Now, isn't that right?
Dick: Please, let there be an earthquake. Let there be an earthquake.
Lucy: Pardon me. I gotta make a call to my lawyer.
Dick: Oh! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho! So you're gonna cut me out of your will, are you? Well, I can do the same! You're out! [to himself] I am so screwed.

Don: I've been goin' nuts. Are you all right?
Sally: Oh, Don I've never been happier in my life. I just wish I could enjoy it, but I can't because I'm too busy freakin' out!
Don: Why?
Sally: Well, it's like, you know, when you buy a new pair of stiletto heels?
Don: Well, go on.
Sally: And they're really great, and everybody says they're really great, and "Why don't you just get 'em? They're so great." So you finally take the plunge, and you love 'em. And they're perfect, and they're surprisingly comfortable, but then all of a sudden you realize, "What have I done? I'm up so high", and "What's up ahead of me? I mean, the world is full of escalators and heating grates and sod, and what if I'm not able to handle all that?"
Don: Well, Sally, you're so tall, you could just wear flats.

Sally: That's- That's why I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops! But when I got home, I couldn't tell anybody.
Don: That's okay.
Sally: Have you told anybody we did it?
Don: Oh, sure, tons of people, but that was months ago.
Sally: But not since we actually did it?
Don: Of course not. What kind of heel do you think I am?

Dick: Power is a funny thing.
Harry: Yeah. So are rubber pencils.
Dick: Mary has power. I have Mary. Mathematically, I should have power. But, as it turns out, all I have is the power to make her angry at me. Which is still a pretty good power.

Dick: Hello, Lucy.
Lucy: Hmm.
Dick: That's a new tip cup, isn't it?
Lucy: Yes.
Dick: I thought so. Good-bye. [sits down at Mary and Nina's table] How in the world did she get the nickname sunshine?
Mary: I was joking, Dick.
Dick: [chuckles] Oh, that's clever.

Sally: [on the phone] Me, too, pumpkin. I can't wait. Bye. [hangs up]
Dick: Oh, so you're seeing Don tonight?
Sally: Seein' him? I'm losin' my virginity to him.
Cable Guy: I can come back.
Sally: Oh, no you don't. You just fix that thing.

Dick: Yes, it's a special time. Do you know what you're going to be wearing?
Sally: [scoffs] Not a lot. You know what I'm sayin', uh, uh... What's your name?
Cable Guy: Freddy.
Sally: You know what I'm sayin', Freddy?
Cable Guy: I think so.

Dick: This office is amazing, Mary.
Mary: Yeah.
Dick: I especially like your new ceramic fish.
Mary: What? What is that?
Dick: It's a gift.
Mary: You know what would go beautifully with that? [puts a picture frame in front of the fish] This.
Dick: Oh, you have such a good eye.
Mary: I'll go get the rest of my stuff. [exits]
Dick: Oh, I'll give you a hand. [grabs the photo frame]