Sally: You know, Harry, I cry for those kids and their lousy role models.
Harry: Yeah. Hey, you know what? We should put a wet bar right here so the kids can see adults drinking responsibly at work.
Sally: That's a good idea.
LJ: I think this is the place. Uh, hi. Is this the Renata Albright Teen Center?
Harry: Huh? Oh! Yeah, yeah. Sure. Sure. Come on in! Come on in! Yeah. Hey, this is the place where you can just hang out and be yourselves.
Sally: First lesson, sweetie. Um, you see that expensive leather couch? Well, that's your brain. And you see your butt on that couch? That's your brain on drugs. So get the hell off my couch.

Dick: Well, Renata, you are full of surprises. When you suggested Greek food, I had no idea you meant in Greece.
Renata: Well, darling, there are more surprises yet to come.
Dick: And when you said your jet, I thought you were referring to your subscription to Jet magazine. Although maybe you can still answer my questions about Ray Charles.
Renata: Champagne, darling? Champagne?
Dick: Why, thank you. Renata, may I ask you an impertinent question?
Renata: Yes. Please do.
Dick: Are there movies on this flight? 'Cause I still haven't seen Shanghai Noon.

Harry: So let's share, all right? Uh... you. What's it like at night in your home? Now, be honest.
Kwan: Okay. Um, at night, my dad comes home usually around 6, if he's not doing a surgery. We all have dinner and then we discuss current events.
Sally: Oh, my God.
Harry: That sound familiar, anyone? Yeah, too familiar.
Sally: Okay, see, um, you guys need a group. You can't go through this alone. So we've discusses this, and we've decided to divide you guys into two different teams, the red team and the blue team.
Harry: That's right. See, research has shown that it's important to have a common "goal," or "enemy." And you two groups will compete against each other. Now, within your group, you will become closer than family.
Sally: And if any of you want to drop out from one of the groups? Well... I pity that guy.

Mary: Dick, where have you been?
Dick: Oh, I went to lunch with Renata.
Mary: I know. Three days ago.
Dick: Well, you can't go to Santorini without going to Mykonos.
Mary: You went to Greece?
Dick: Yeah. But, Mary, you can't stay. Renata will be here any second. She's picking me up.
Mary: Oh, Dick, you're making me nervous. She's a very powerful woman. I'm beginning not to trust our plan anymore.
Dick: No! But you must trust it. I am guiding the moth into the flame. We are so close to ensnaring Renata. And I am so close to meeting Elton John.
Mary: Ooh!

Renata: I guess you've heard. Dick is madly in love... with me!
Mary: Yes, I've heard.
Renata: Well, if it's any consolation, I'm insanely happy.
Dick: I'm actually glad that you fell for my boyfriend hook, line and sinker, even if I had to hear it in that fake voice.
Renata: [American accent] It's not fake! I paid for it!
Mary: Eurotrash!
Renata: Teacher!
Mary: Lightbulb butt!
Renata: Pork chop! [refined accent] Good afternoon, Mary.

Sally: Okay, so it's come to our attention that a fight broke out today between the red team and the blue team.
Harry: That's not cool.
Sally: Not at all.
Harry: Now, we have devised a simple plan to keep this kind of incident from breaking out again. The north side of the teen center will belong to the reds. The south to the blues.
Sally: All right, you got that, guys? Now get outta here. No more fighting. Unless you have to defend your turf, obviously.
Harry: That's right. Remember, friendship is fleeting. But a tattoo? That's forever. [snaps fingers]

Mary: Dick! What's going on? You were supposed to break her heart, not propose.
Dick: She proposed to me.
Mary: I can't believe you accepted. I'm beginning to think you want to be with her.
Dick: No! No! No, Mary, on the contrary. This will be our greatest moment. Being jilted at the altar is the ultimate in humiliation. Renata will be dumped from dizzying heights with everyone watching.
Mary: I'm not sure even she deserves this.
Dick: She does, Mary. You know that.
Mary: Yes, I do. [chuckles]

Justice of the Peace: So, Renata Albright, do you take Dick Solomon to be your husband?
Renata: Oh, I do!
Justice of the Peace: And, Dick Solomon, do you take Renata Albright to be your wife?
Dick: Of course I do! [they kiss]
Justice of the Peace: I now pronounce you man and wife.
Mary: Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick! Dick!
Renata: Oh, Mary-berry, don't wreck this.
Mary: No! I am not going to let my boyfriend marry my sister.
Renata: But he's not your boyfriend anymore, Mary. He's my husband.
Dick: Yeah, she has a point, Mary. Now that I'm married, it's really not quite right for us to keep seeing each other.
Mary: What?
Dick: Stay the course. When the kids are in grad school, whammo!

Dick: So, Mary... I guess that sister of yours sort of did a number on both of us, huh? I've never understood the phrase "team of lawyers" until they all surrounded me right after the wedding.
Mary: Oh, boo-hoo. I bet you made out like a bandit in the divorce. What did you get, the plane or the chalet in Gstaad?
Dick: No, I was offered them both, but I didn't take either.
Mary: Oh?
Dick: No. No, the only thing I insisted on, in fact, was Renata's promise not to build that museum addition. You know, the one that was going to cast a shadow on your office?
Mary: Oh, Dick you planned this all along.
Dick: I did?
Mary: Yes! You wooed her, you wed her, but you kept your eye on the prize. We beat Renata!
Dick: Well, Mary I am a ruthless man.
Mary: Make love to me, Dick.
Dick: Well, all right, but I warn you, I just got divorced an hour ago. So you're getting me on the rebound.
Mary: I'll take my chance.

Renata: Kir royale for me.
Dick: Yeah, me, too.
Renata: Oh, Mary, would you like a carafe of anything?
Mary: I drank at home, thank you.