Dick: Uh, we're gonna regroup and come back with a real zinger.
Renata: Well, well, well. Aren't you the loyal boyfriend? Hmm. I guess that's something Mary has that I don't.
Dick: Oh, I'm loyal. Fiercely loyal.
Renata: And quite cute. [grabs Dick's butt]
Dick: Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [runs off]

Dick: No, Mary, I do not think this sculpture is clunky and reductionist!
Mary: Well, it is!
Dick: Everything looks like an umbrella rack to you! You need to develop your eye!
Mary: Dick, I cannot-
Dick: Cannot or will not? I love art, Mary. Art touches me. But maybe you shouldn't anymore.
Mary: No objection here!
Dick: Right back at you, you frigid frump!
Mary: Have a nice day!
Dick: You, too! Oh, and Mary? [slaps Mary]
Mary: Oh! [whispers] Nice touch. [slaps Dick]
Dick: Hey. What was that?

Renata: Is everything... okay?
Dick: No.
Renata: Wanna talk about it?
Dick: Really? You wouldn't mind?
Renata: How does Greek food sound?
Dick: I've never had it. Mary is allergic to feta.
Renata: I know. [whispers] I know.

Sally: Okay, you guys, this is a bonding exercise with a lesson in trust. Now, L.J. , you're gonna stand right there. You're gonna fall backwards into my arms, okay? I'm gonna catch you, all right? Now trust me. [LJ falls to the floor]
Harry: Bam!
Sally: Trust no one!

Renata: Darling. There you are.
Dick: Hello.
Renata: Well this is the first time I've ever been in your... bedroom.
Dick: Physically, yes. But you've been here many times in here.
Renata: [gasps] Oh, darling, I have to admit at first I'd thought you'd be just another notch on my "piss off Mary" belt. But I must say I'm falling for you.
Dick: If you fall, I will catch you.

Harry: Well, if we're gonna turn the kitchen into the new senior center, it's gonna take a lot of elbow grease.

Sally: Man, Dick, we are having so much fun spending Renata's money.
Dick: Oh, good, good.
Harry: And you must be having a blast. I mean, blowing through all her cash. You're not even doing it for a good cause.
Dick: But I am! I'm doing it for a very good cause: for Mary.
Sally: Oh, come on, Dick. You could have burned Renata a long time ago, but you guys have even made Thanksgiving plans.
Dick: Well, everything was booking up so quick in Aspen. My God! What am I saying? This has got to stop!
Sally: Why? This is the best thing that's ever happened to us.
Dick: It's not supposed to be for us. I was doing it for Mary because I love her. Nothing else matters! I'm going over to Renata's hotel room now, and I am breaking her heart exactly as planned. Harry, call the limo.

Renata: Darling! At last! Dick? What is it?
Dick: Renata, there's no easy way to say this. I am a ruthless man. That's what attracts so many women to me and and often destroys them. Are these my shirts from Savile Row? When did they come in?
Renata: Yesterday, but I wanted to save them for today.
Dick: They were here yesterday?
Renata: Yes. But, darling, I have something very important to ask you.
Dick: If the question is "When do I want my shirts?" The answer is "Right now!"
Renata: Darling, I can't wait any longer. I must ask you right now.
Dick: What is it?
Renata: Dick, this last week has been so magical. Well... will you marry me?
Dick: Marry you?!
Renata: Oh, please say yes.
Dick: Do you even have to ask?

Sally: Harry, whose turf is this museum?
Harry: Uh, the reds.
Sally: Then what's the blue team doing here?
Harry: Mmm. We invited them.
Sally: Ah.

Mary: Renata, this sham marriage was designed to humiliate you.
Renata: Sham?
Mary: Yes. But like everything else in your charmed life, it turned on its head and blew me out of the water. Nice plan, Dick!
Renata: Is this true? You planned to hurt me?
Dick: No, no, she's really mischaracterizing the plan. It was more of a polite wake-up call, segueing into a lifetime of joy, reconciliation, and sisterly love. And I'm so happy it worked out. Three Musketeers! Hands in!
Renata: Unbelievable!
Mary: You want him? You've got him!
Renata: [scoffs] [American accent] He's all yours.