Dick: Oh, come on! How can they let the Grinch carve the roast beast after what he did?
Harry: They probably feel bad for him because of his enlarged heart.
Dick: Oh, it's totally unrealistic.

Dick: And I, uh... Well, there's so many. Where do I begin? There's, uh...
Sally: Well?
Dick: Well, for one thing, I saved that child from drowning in her above-ground swimming pool.
Tommy: You didn't save any kid. We saw that on the news.
Dick: Oh, that's right. Then I guess I didn't pitch that no-hitter in Cleveland.
Harry: No, sir.
Not that I recall.
Dick: Well, fine. I can't be concerned with trivialities. My achievements are grander, and if, as such, they are harder to define, then they are all that much grander for it!

Mary: Wow! This man just gave $1 billion to the U.N.! Can you believe that?
Dick: In February, I took the whole family to Sizzler. And for no big reason, just to do it.
Mary: Can you imagine spending eight months building an orphanage in Bosnia?
Dick: Big deal. War-torn countries are just full of opportunities for show-offs.

Dick: I'm sorry, Mary, but do bring me back some cider, and don't let it get cold, 'cause then it's just juice.

Mary: Dick, what's wrong? I thought you were going to help me cube the Havarti.
Dick: Mmm, so did I. I guess you can file that with all the other broken dreams and unfulfilled plans of 1998.
Mary: What are you talking about?
Dick: This year has been a disaster. I've accomplished nothing. Mary, do you hear me? Nothing! [doorbell rings]
Mary: That's a shame. Why don't you talk football with Strudwick?

Strudwick: Dick, you just going to sit out here in the cold?
Dick: Yes.
Strudwick: Good. We'll be inside.
Mary: Just what do you hope to accomplish sitting out here?
Dick: I'm hoping that I'll freeze solid and become a monument to all those who live lives of quiet desperation. The Tomb of the Unknown Loser.
Mary: What do you want me to do, give up my New Year's and sit here and tell you how special you are? [Dick clears a spot on the bench]

Mary: Well, that's it. It's New Year's.
Dick: It is. It's 1999. It's- It's literally a new year.
Mary: That's where the name came from.
Dick: Mary, this is wonderful! I feel like a vast weight has been lifted. I see this endless horizon rich with possibility.
Mary: I see 15 gallons of spoiled cider and a pot of congealed fondue.
Dick: Oh, god, Mary. I'm so sorry. I've ruined your party, your night. I've ruined everything. Can you ever forgive me?
Mary: I've got a lot of burnt cheese to scrape when I get home.
Dick: I'll scrape your cheese, Mary. I'll do anything. Please? As of midnight, I became a new man. Can't we just shut the door on last year and look ahead?
Mary: I thought you said New Year's was just a random spot in the earth's orbit.
Dick: That was last year's Dick. He is so over.

Sally: Oh, thanks, Nina. You sure know a lot for a woman who never has a boyfriend.
Nina: I have a boyfriend.
Sally: Then why are you sitting home alone on New Year's eve?
Nina: I'm not. I'm going to a party.
Sally: Sure, you are, Nina.

Harry: Oh, hey, we need a party coordinator. Can you count down from one to ten?
Tommy: You mean ten to one?
Harry: Wow! You're going to be good.

Harry: Wait a second. I got an idea. Say, Doug! You know how you've been talking about hiring on an extra couple of people?
Doug: No.
Harry: Well, your search is over! I found you the people.
Doug: Can you vouch for them?
Harry: Well, I'm not the best judge of character, but... Yes, yes, I can.