Big Giant Head: I love you people! I love your airplane. I love to fly. Does it show?
Harry: Look at this loser. [Sally laughs]
Big Giant Head: Hello! Is this any way to greet your supreme leader? [all salute]
Dick: Welcome, o great and glorious leader, whose presence in which we, your humble and insignificant subordinates are barely worthy of basking.
Big Giant Head: Right. This is some body I picked out. Pretty good, eh?
Tommy: Nice abs.
Sally: So, how was your trip, sir?
Big Giant Head: Horrifying, at first. I looked out the window, and I saw something on the wing of the plane.
Dick: The same thing happened to me!
Big Giant Head: Anyway, to calm me down, they gave me something called... alcohol.
Dick: We never would have known.
Big Giant Head: Let's get on a flight to jersey and get another round.
Dick: No, no, you don't have to, sir. That bar over there serves alcohol.
Big Giant Head: Hot diggity! I love this planet already.

Dick: I'd like you to meet my old friend, Stone.
Mary: It's a pleasure to meet you.
Big Giant Head: I don't like you.
Mary: Excuse me?
Big Giant Head: Let's go. I want something else to taste. Is there such a thing as macaroni?
Mary: Did he just say he didn't like me?
Dick: Yes, but you just don't understand his crazy sense of humor. He's a nut. [laughs] Why don't the three of us go out, have some macaroni and alcohol, and you can get to know Mary better.
Big Giant Head: If I have to. [Nina walks in] But who's this delicious mocha number?
Nina: Excuse me?
Big Giant Head: I love the round part at the top of the legs.
Nina: Oh, yeah? Well, what do you think of my hand? [slaps him] These are fun, too! [slaps Dick] Okay. Let's get going!
Big Giant Head: Par-Tay!

Vicki Dubcek: Harry Solomon, do you or do you not wanna be the father of my baby?
Harry: Look, Vicki, it's just a really big responsibility, and I feel like I have to think about my career first.
Vicki Dubcek: Baby, you do not have a career!
Harry: And yet you expect me to provide for a baby. Oh, what, are you gonna have a career? Yeah!
Vicki Dubcek: Okay, now that's just hurtful. You know that I'm not designed to live in your 9-to-5 world.
Harry: Oh, baby. The world is such a mess, what with the craziness in Texas and Africa... Canadians and their whole thing. Let's just give it a week, see if things clear up.
Vicki Dubcek: Harry Solomon, I do not even know you!

Don: Hey, Dick. Rough night here tonight, huh?
Dick: [hoarse voice] Why would you say that?
Don: Well, there've been some complaints. Public urination, verbal harassment, lewdness and more public urination.
Tommy: It could be anybody here, Don.
Don: Well, I'm kinda bettin' it's that guy.

Big Giant Head: I like the cut of your jib.
Sally: Well, I've been working on my jib.
Big Giant Head: Dick disappoints me. I find him... disappointing. I'm issuing a Big Giant directive. Lieutenant, you are now officially the new High Commander of this mission.
Sally: Oh, my God.
Big Giant Head: A toast!
Dick: A toast, everyone!
Big Giant Head: A toast to my new High Commander.
All: To your new High Commander!
Dick: Huh?!

Dick: Will you two stop fighting? You have both taken unacceptable risks. Lieutenant, I order you to move back in with us. Harry, you will not father an earth baby.
Harry: What am I supposed to tell Vicki?
Dick: Just deal with it! I'm the High Commander. That's final.
Sally: Yeah, well, if I were a High Commander, I'd turn a hose on you and Albright.
Dick: Well, you're not. Besides, I'm sure once the Big Giant Head meets Mary, he will find her to be a suitable use of my time. [Sally, Harry and Tommy stare at Dick] What's the look?

Harry: Egg?
Vicki Dubcek: Baby, come on. You know I've already got an egg.
Harry: Oh, right! You mean say, Doug. Mind if I knock off a little early tonight?
Doug: Sorry, Harry. I need you to purge the soda valves.
Harry: But come on, Doug. Can't you see we got plans?
Doug: Sorry, Harry. I need you to purge the soda valves.
Harry: What, you're forcing me to stay?
Doug: Yeah.
Harry: Well, thanks a lot, you son of a bitch! Oh, boy! Just because you're so unhappy in your life, you gotta make other people feel bad? Oh, yeah! Walk away! Walk away!

Harry: Okay, but this time you be Alissa.
Tommy: Okay. [they dance] Wait. Why am I being Alissa?
Harry: Because I'm tired of being Alissa.
Tommy: Yeah, but at the prom, I'm gonna be Tommy.
Harry: Don't worry about it. [moves hands south]
Tommy: What are you doing?!
Harry: I'm just trying to prepare you. Tommy might try that.
Tommy: I would not try that.
Harry: Yes, you would.
Tommy: Yeah, I would.

Don: That was the airline.
Sally: Airline?
Don: Yeah, you're expecting somebody? Well, they wound up in East Rutherford, New Jersey, instead of Rutherford, Ohio. [Dick squeals] Anyway, he's on a flight here now.
Dick: To the airport!
Harry: Let's go!

Harry: Do you see him yet?
Sally: See who? We have no idea what kind of body he formed into.
Dick: This is so frustrating. He could be any of these people. [salutes]
Harry: So his head will be smaller?
Tommy: Yes, his head'll be smaller. [Dick salutes a dog]
Harry: Dick, what are you doing?
Dick: You can't be too careful.