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Near Dick Experience

‘Near Dick Experience’

Season 4, Episode 22 -  Aired May 18, 1999

Dick feels left out when Sally, Harry and Tommy have a near death experience that gives them a new outlook on life.

Quote from Judith

Judith: All right, here's a list of the gear you'll need for the staff retreat on Mount Digney.
Mary: Ooh, this'll be fun.
Nina: Are there gonna be snakes out there?
Judith: If you're asking if my lawyer's coming, the answer is no. [laughs]


Quote from Sally

Sally: Tommy! Tommy, listen, I've been thinking. I have spent my entire time on this planet being mean to people. All I have been doing is spreading fear.
Dick: That's true.
Sally: Yeah. So, I have decided now I'm just gonna help people, people like these poor, miserable souls. Look.
Tommy: That's the cast of Les Mis.

Quote from Dick

Judith: Dick, we still haven't gotten your release form for the staff retreat.
Dick: Oh, that.
Strudwick: We need an accurate head count to get 10% off on parking. You're holding us back, Dick.
Dick: Why should I go? So the sunset can bore me? So a marmot can lick my oblivious face? So I can be so lost in my ennui that I fall off a cliff and- and- and nearly plummet to my... I'm in!
Strudwick: What are you so damn excited about?
Dick: I'm in! I'm going on that camping trip, and I am going to have a near-death experience if it kills me!

Quote from Nina

Judith: All right. We'll head to the mountain at 8 a.m. sharp. Any questions?
Dick: Uh, yes. As we climb, will you point out any crevasses that I might plummet into?
Nina: I will!

Quote from Harry

Sally: Look at the way that tree divides. Two enormous trees coming from one.
Harry: I believe they call that the crotch of the tree.
Sally: Why do you think the tree decided to do that?
Tommy: Like each piece is taking its own path.
Sally: Yeah, each exploring its own destiny.
Harry: But still united, right there in the crotch.

Quote from Tommy

Alissa: Okay, so you weren't killed by a chandelier. What's the big deal?
Tommy: Well, don't you see? I mean, there are chandeliers hanging over our heads everywhere that we go in this world.
Alissa: There are?
Tommy: Yeah. Okay, so the chandelier can come in many forms. I mean, it could be something as horrifying as the bite of a diseased rat or as whimsical as an open manhole.
Alissa: I guess I just never heard that expression before.

Quote from Sally

Sally: Uh, look, do you want this to get ugly? 'Cause, um -ahem - I am jonesing for some ugly.
Maitre 'D: I'm sorry, but that table is reserved for the owner tonight.
Tommy: Maybe you don't know who you're talking to. When I come here on my birthday, I get a free entree, when I buy an entree, providing I pay for the more expensive entree.
Sally: Just give us the table, you cow-murdering bastard, or I swear I'll [chandelier falls and crushes the table] Whoa! Did you see that?!
Tommy: My god, we could have been killed!
Sally: But we weren't, Tommy. We weren't. We're alive.
Harry: We are.
Tommy: Thank god we didn't get that table. Bless you for being such a jerk!
Harry: Thanks, jackass!

Quote from Dick

Dick: Look at this paper clip.
Nina: I'm looking.
Dick: This must be the most extraordinary paper clip I've ever seen.
Mary: Why?
Dick: Well, look at it. I feel like it's piercing my soul.
Mary: It's piercing your soul?
Dick: Yeah. Why not? You know what your problem is? You take everything for granted. Don't you all wish you could be like me, seeing everything for the first time? Huh? Well, don't you?
Mary: Okay, tell me what you see exactly.
Dick: Well, this paper clip is an unusual-type specimen. It's gray, uh... slightly curlier than yours. Oh, I'm such a fraud! I don't even like paper clips! Leave me alone!

Quote from Harry

Don: What are you talking about?
Harry: I'm talking about dreams, people. There is no limit to what you can accomplish in your dreams. No boundaries, no fear. But then what happens? You wake up, and the dream is gone. It's over. Now, what I'm talking about is dreaming the possible dream. Yeah? What is your dream, sir?
Man: I- I always wanted to play the piano.
Harry: Well, who's stopping ya? You are stopping you. The only person standing between you and your dream is you.
Man: I don't have a piano.
Harry: Well, I don't have a piano. Look at me. Hasn't held me back.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Why does this world leave me so cold? Why does it hide its beauty from me? Hey! [opens window] Get away from that daffodil, you stupid hummingbird!

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