Tommy: How long are we gonna stand like this?
Sally: Until he wakes up and sees the respect we're giving him, soldier.
Harry: Well, I hope it's soon, 'cause my deodorant's crapping out on me.

Big Giant Head: [wakes up] Oh, my God! What the hell happened?
All: [shouting] Good morning, sir! Huh!
Big Giant Head: Who's that pounding on my head? I will find him and destroy him.
Dick: It's a limitation of these primitive bodies, sir. It comes from too much alcohol.
Big Giant Head: Well, it's a design flaw! Fix it immediately!
Dick: Yes, sir!

Mrs. Dubcek: Hello, hello, hello.
Big Giant Head: Who's this?
Mrs. Dubcek: Hi. I'm Mamie Dubcek. We met last night. You were out in the bushes, and Sally was holding your head.
Dick: Yes, I ordered her to do that.
Tommy: I chased away the cat.
Harry: I got you a mint.
Big Giant Head: The yelling will cease, or the killing will commence!

Mrs. Dubcek: Ah, I thought there'd be a hangover in the house today. Here you go. A little hair of the dog.
Big Giant Head: Has this got, uh, some of that alcohol?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, it's a bloody Mary. [the Big Giant Head drinks it all] Ah-um! It's going to be a golden day.
Dick: Mrs. Dubcek, this is my old friend stone.
Big Giant Head: Stone... Phillips.
Mrs. Dubcek: Like that guy on Dateline?
Big Giant Head: No. Can I have another?
Mrs. Dubcek: Yes. I'll be right back.

Big Giant Head: You two! You're going to bathe me.
Harry & Tommy: Yes, sir.
Harry: I call washing the top half.
Tommy: Screw that.

Big Giant Head: What the hell have you been doing here all this time?
Dick: Well, I've been working a lot on my relationship with Mary.
Big Giant Head: For three and a half years?!
Dick: Establishing an emotional bond with a human is a huge accomplishment. Most humans can't even achieve it.
Big Giant Head: Really? Dick, that's extremely underwhelming.

Dick: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Big Giant Head: I don't get it.
Dick: Mary, can explain it to you.
Mary: I- I-

Dick: So, Stone quite a little lady I got here, huh?
Big Giant Head: I see no glaring defects.
Mary: Well, I do have this crooked earlobe.
Big Giant Head: Oh, my god. That's disgusting.
Mary: I was joking!
Big Giant Head: Now it's all I can see!

Big Giant Head: Would you lean a little closer? Your breath smells of chili fries.
Dick: Come on, Don, can't you just give Stone a little break? It's kind of important to me.
Don: That's a no-can-do, Dick. The law's the law, and it bends for no man.
Sally: Please, Don. For old time's sake? It sure would mean a whole bunch to me.
Don: Sally... Okay. But tell him to stop whizzing in front of the lady folk.
Sally: Okay.
Don: It's my pet peeve.

Big Giant Head: Hello.
Vicki Dubcek: Well, hi, there.
Big Giant Head: I'm a rocket man, you know.
Vicki Dubcek: Really?
Big Giant Head: Can I help you jettison your pants?
Harry: [smashes bottle] I kill you!
Sally: Hey, no one violates the Big Giant- area around Stone without going through me first. Is that understood?
Harry: Yeah, okay.