Harry: Was I a man who dreamed he was a network executive, or a network executive who dreamed he was a man?

Dick: I would think that given what's happened, you'd be dying to see Don again.
Sally: I don't know. I mean, after Mayor Don, I just feel like I've seen a side of him I really can't trust.
Dick: But that's not the Don you love. The one who went to community college, and went to night school to become a cop.
Sally: And went to another night school after that one didn't work out.

Sally: [v.o.] [typing] It's not easy being single in New York City, especially when you're an alien visiting from a parallel universe. [out loud] Uh-oh, that's a little too much information.

Harry: Stop it! You're treating me the way you always treat me. Well, we're in New York now, and I'm respected here.
Sally: You get his arms, I'll get his legs.
Harry: What? No! [dials phone] Dubcek, I've got a situation here. Send security to the loft. Huh? What? Well, that's a shocker. Mm-hmm. I see. Yeah. Well, good luck. [hangs up] I don't believe it!
Sally: What?
Harry: I've been replaced by Dubcek.
Dick: I'm so sorry, Harry.
Harry: They said that she was really in touch with what men between 18 and 49 really want.

Sally: [v.o.] As for me, I've heard it said that you can't fight City Hall. I don't know if that's true or not, I just needed a segue into "I'm sleeping with the Mayor."

Dick: You know, I don't think it's such a good idea for you to be spending so much time in a seedy bar like this, Mary. Maybe, instead, you should be singing in a Broadway show.
Mary: What a great idea. But I'm way ahead of you, handsome. It won't be long before I'll be joining the cast of Cats.
Dick: I've got bad news for you. Mary, Cats is closed.
Mary: Damn, that was fast!

Dick: Okay, you can look now.
Mary: The Manhattan skyline. Hmm. Got anything to drink?
Dick: Champagne. I opened it this morning so those annoying little bubbles would have a chance to disperse.
Mary: Good thinking.

Tommy: "Hey, look at me. I'm Harry Solomon, big president of the network."
Harry: "Look at me, I'm Tommy Solomon, and I'm a big star on Saturday Night Live."
Tommy: "I make important decisions like where to putt in my office."
Harry: "I get paid the big bucks just for going whoo-whoo-whoo."
Tommy: "Well, I've got some news for you, Tommy Solomon. Your ego's gotten too big. You're demanding too much money. You're fired!"
Harry: "I am out of control, and I do want too much money. You're fired!"
Tommy: "You can't fire me, you peon. You're a lowly cast member on SNL."
Harry: No, I'm Harry now. You're fired!

Dick: We're leaving. I'm going home to Mary.
Sally: Wait a minute. But she's here.
Dick: No. This Mary is cold and soulless, and only willing to do one or two more things in bed than the other one. The tradeoff just isn't worth it.

Sally: All right, look. Maybe you are willing to give up all this nice stuff, but I sure am not. I mean, whoever said that diamonds are a girl's best friend never saw those black pearls at Tiffany's. Hey, that sounded great. Where's my laptop?