[With his hands tied behind his back, his legs strapped to a chair and a bandana tied around his mouth, Dick hops out of the bedroom and over to the telephone, which he dials with his nose]
Judith: I'll get it. [answers phone] Mary Albright's office.
Dick: Mmmph!
Judith: Oh, yeah.
Dick: Mmphmmphh!
Judith: Oh, baby.
Dick: Mmmphhgghh!
Judith: I'm hot now.
Dick: Mmphhhgh!
Judith: Do me.
Dick: Mmmphh!
Judith: Do me all night.
Dick: Aahmmphhh!
Judith: I know it's you, Dick. [hangs up]
Dick: [muffled] Damn!

Mary: That was Dick?
Judith: Yes, with his typical sick, pathetic cry for attention.
Mary: Oh, God, it is his birthday, and his party was canceled. I think I'm just gonna bring his present on over there.
Judith: I'll go with you. I want to see the look on his face when I tell him I didn't get him anything.

Charlotte Everly: Excuse me. What are you doing here? I called you and told you there was no party.
Leon: Yeah, I know. But sometimes Dr. Solomon will do things to trick me, and then he yells at me.
Charlotte Everly: Uh, you know, all the other guests are hiding in the basement, so come on, let's go.
Leon: I knew there was a party.

Charlotte Everly: Let's move it! Grab your glass! I don't have all day. I think you'll like this. It's a very good year.
Judith: I'm afraid I don't like red wine. I love it. [laughs]
Charlotte Everly: [to Ned] Pour hers first.
Judith: Don't we need a toast?
Charlotte Everly: All right. Here's a toast to happy birthdays.
All: Happy birthdays!
Nina: Hmm. What's that aftertaste? [Nina, Leon and Judith collapse]

Mary: Where's the birthday boy?
Charlotte Everly: Oh, he's late.
Mary: Of course.
Charlotte Everly: How about a glass of wine while you're waiting?
Mary: It's so nice of you to help out, Charlotte. [drinks wine] Mm. Dick's late. That's typical. [drinks more] He plans his own surprise party... [Charlotte tops up Mary's glass] ...and then it's called off, and then it's back on. [drinks more] I guess we don't know whether it's on or off! [laughs] Mmm. Is this screw-top? This is good. [drinks more] [sits down] If Dick's not here in When a man doesn't have the common courtesy to- [Ned knocks her out]

Judith: It's official. This is the worst party I've ever been to.

Byron: FBI! Freeze!
Ned Everly: Mama.
Byron: Put those two in cuffs. Somebody untie that man.
Charlotte: No! Don't you understand? He's one of them! Let me open him up. You'll see he's an alien.
Byron: Yeah, right, Charlotte. So were the other eight you cut up.
Charlotte Everly: Okay, fine. But this one is. He admitted it. I know where you live. You can't hide! Aliens! Aliens!
Don: Aliens, huh? [Solomons weakly chuckle] That's the dumbest thing I ever heard! [all laugh]

Don: You know, I couldn't help but notice you federal boys left a crucial piece of evidence at the crime scene. The gnome.
Byron: The gnome?
Don: Yeah. The blunt instrument. [Charlotte holds the gnome up] And local boy Donnie picked it up for you. [Charlotte knocks out Byron with the gnome] Yep. Just covering your ass. [Charlotte knocks out Don]
Ned Everly: Shall we steal the car, mama?
Charlotte Everly: No, honey. That would be wrong.

Ned Everly: Mama, they don't have a sofa.
Harry: Well, anyway, she knows everything about organizing a party.
Tommy: Oh, yeah. Tell him about that soup mix with the sour cream.
Charlotte Everly: Oh, now, it's on the back of the packet.
Tommy: They put your recipe on the back of the packet?
Harry: She's been published!
Dick: I can't believe you're all putting my number-one fan to work.
Charlotte Everly: Oh, pish tosh. I have a confession. Before I came here, I was social director for Carnival cruise lines, and... if only I had a list so I'd know how many people were coming.
Sally: We have such a list. A guest list. Harry, go get it. It's in the other room!

Dick: Have you been here all semester?
Charlotte Everly: Oh, no. I'm Mrs. Everly, and this is my son Ned. We're auditing your class.
Dick: I wasn't informed.
Charlotte Everly: Oh, my goodness, you're smart.
Dick: Oh. Oh, my goodness, you're perceptive.
Charlotte Everly: Everyone told us what a genius you are, and, boy, were they right. You're very unusual.
Ned Everly: Mama likes the unusual.
Charlotte Everly: Oh, now, Ned, let's not bore the great man.
Dick: Well, I hope to see you again.
Charlotte Everly: You can count on it.