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Ab-dick-ted

‘Ab-dick-ted’

Season 1, Episode 9 - Aired March 5, 1996

Tired of Solomons getting on each other's nerves, Dick invites Mary's brother to dinner to see how a family should act.

Quote from Harry

Tommy: Hey! Hey! Am I gonna have to separate you two?
Dick: All we seem to do is argue ever since we came here.
Sally: I don't want to talk about it.
Dick: We studied nine galaxies in perfect harmony.
Harry: And we didn't leave scuff marks.

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Quote from Dick

Dick: We seem to be annoyed with each other. And as fascinating as that is, it's irritating as hell. Sally?
Sally: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. I just got a shooting pain in my head when you began to speak.
Tommy: You know, August finds us quite charming in our naive determination to stay together.
Dick: You tell your little girlfriend August to mind her own business.
Sally: Yeah, and don't drink out of the milk carton.
Tommy: [spits milk back in] Fine.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Could you please take this argument off my linoleum floor?
Dick: Oh, come off it, Harry.
Sally: Harry, you know what? I'll give you your promotion if you don't say "really" in the next two minutes.
Harry: Really?
Sally: You lose.
Harry: Oh, Dick, she tricked me.
Dick: I don't want to talk about it!

Quote from Dick

Mary: [screams] What are you doing under my desk?
Dick: Sleeping.
Mary: Why?
Dick: Because the top of your desk is hard and cold.
Mary: You do have a bed at home, don't you?
Dick: Yes, but I can't stand my house. It's filled with... family.

Quote from Mary

Dick: Why don't you call him? I'd like to meet him.
Mary: We don't get together much.
Dick: You don't get along?
Mary: No, it's just hard.
Dick: Does he live far away?
Mary: From my house? Three, four blocks.
Dick: So you choose to have nothing to do with him.
Mary: That's not true.
Dick: You don't see him.
Mary: Not very much.
Dick: But you'd like to see him?
Mary: Not very much.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Tommy, would you sign my worksheet? Sure.
Tommy: What did you do?
Harry: Well, I pre-peeled all these bananas for eating ease.
Tommy: Well, good job, Harry.
Harry: Yeah. Mangia. Mangia.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Oh, wonderful. Roy, you are the perfect brother.
Roy: This is the guy you said was a pompous ass?
Dick: That's me.

Quote from Tommy

Tommy: I got a date with August. Don't wait up.
Dick: Oh, no. No, no. Dr. Albright and her brother are coming to dinner tonight.
Tommy: So?
Dick: You've got to see them together. They're just adorable. Their relationship is everything that our family's isn't.
Tommy: Well, then you just take good notes because tonight is my chance to get into Braville.
Dick: You can go to Braville some other time.

Quote from Tommy

Dick: That's my brother Harry, and this is Tommy, my son.
Roy: Hey, partner! How're you doin'? [pulls a coin from behind Tommy's ear] Hey, what's that? A quarter?
Tommy: Oh, I get it. You're trying to impress a youngster with what you think is a mystifying feat of trickery.
Roy: He's a smart one, this one. Cut your hair. You look like a girl.

Quote from Dick

Roy: You're going to think I'm crazy, but I was once abducted by an alien spacecraft.
Mary: [groans]
Dick: Excuse us. [the Solomons all get up and huddle in a corner of the room]
Mary: You promised you wouldn't talk about that.
Roy: No, I promised I wouldn't talk about your chin implant.
Dick: No, no, no! We're not killing anyone. [the Solomons all sit down again] Spacecraft, you say?

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