Lillian: And then he told me they were your magazines, and this was supposed to be between the men.
Bill: Oh, so you did hear that part.
Adult Dean: I know I wasn't supposed to do it. I know they're dirty. [sighs] I tried to think about other things, but I couldn't get those pictures out of my head. Stupid sexy Harriet Tubman.

Dean: Mom? Dad? You guys home from work yet?
Adult Dean: In the '60s, you could count on Black men for all kinds of things. Being able to dress. Being able to fix a car. Unfortunately, you could also count on them to know exactly where to hide things. Instead of a will, my dad left us a map.
Dean: [holds "Adults Only" record by Redd Foxx] Getting warmer. [holds "200 M.P.H." record by Bill Crosby] Getting colder.
Adult Dean: Boy, was I wrong. I was determined to find his stash of magazines. Wow. All the drawings and homemade cards we'd given them over the years. Mr. Giggles? Wait. Mama told me he moved to a farm after I dropped him in the toilet that time. [sighs] The betrayal. Wow. So many memories. So many precious... Oh, boobs. Jackpot. I mean, sure, these were pretty tame by today's standards, but back then, nothing was hotter than Mahogany Love. Stay out of grown folks' business, Mr. Giggles.

Dean: Well, since you asked, I did overhear some older kids talking the other day. [sighs] What's a period?
Bill: Damn it, Lillian!
Lillian: Okay. A period...
Adult Dean: In the '60s, most women didn't openly talk about sex, but Mama was always ahead of the curve. She was the first Black woman in her hometown to learn how to drive. She was the first Black woman in her hometown to go to college.
And I can't prove this one, but I'm fairly certain she was the first Black woman in the neighborhood to own a cardboard box chock-full of porn.
Lillian: One day, there is going to be a woman that you love, and knowing this about the opposite sex is gonna make you a more open and caring partner. Most men have no idea about the female sex drive, and I don't want you to turn out like them.
Bill: True. Wait, in this scenario, is Dean most men, or am I?
Lillian: All I'm saying is I know this isn't what you were expecting to hear from a woman, especially your mom, but I don't think it's too much for me to ask that my son grow up to be a caring and tender man. I'll be taking these.
Bill: Aren't you forgetting the "just like his father" part? [Lillian keeps walking] "Just like your father." It was implied.

Adult Dean: Now that I'd seen those photos of naked women, I couldn't focus on anything anymore.
[fantasy: Dean imagines the picture of Harriet Tubman in his textbook talking to him:]
Harriet Tubman: You're thinking about what my boobs look like, aren't you, Dean?
Dean: No. I swear I wasn't.
Harriet Tubman: That's not why I risked my life saving thousands of innocent lives. Pull yourself together.

Kim: Mom and Dad gave you the talk, didn't they?
Dean: What talk?
Kim: The "Let's ruin the fun of thinking about sex" talk.
Dean: Yeah, it was pretty weird.
Kim: Yeah, they gave me the same one a few years ago.
Dean: [sighs] Yeah. Mama said that the dirty ma... I mean "adult" magazines I found were hers.
Kim: Wait, Mom has nudie magazines? The same mom that made me get baptized again for wearing a bikini?
Adult Dean: Oh, she got baptized again, all right, but trust me, it wasn't just about the bikini.

Kim: What else did they tell you? That the baby comes out the...
Dean: Ugh. Yeah. Ouch.
Kim: And that if you don't use birth control, you get a...
Dean: Bruce. [both laugh]
Kim: But did Dad warn you that not even the pill will keep a girl from getting pregnant if she has sex before she graduates college?
Dean: No.
Kim: Of course he didn't. He saved the lies for me. Ugh. Dad!

Lillian: Okay, let's get one thing clear, Dean. The feelings that you have when you see those magazines are natural. They are not dirty. I don't want you to ever feel guilty or ashamed of what you're feeling. So, I think it's time that we talk with you about sex.
Adult Dean: Maybe it was time for me to die.
Bill: Can't we just whoop the boy like God intended?
Dean: Yeah, Mama, I'll take the whooping.

Dean: Why do you always wanna talk? Women don't know anything about this stuff.
Lillian: What stuff?
Dean: Nudie magazines and stuff.
Lillian: Those magazines aren't your father's. They're mine. [rumbling]
Adult Dean: At that moment, it felt like time almost stood still. [Lillian speaking in slow-motion] [high-pitched ringing]
Dean: Why would you want to look at magazines like those?
Lillian: You remember when your father would be on the road with the band a lot? Well, I would miss him.
Dean: Are there pictures of him in those magazines?
Lillian: No. Not exactly. But there are pictures of couples. And some of the men would remind me of your dad. [Bill groans] We even used to look at them together.

Dean: Okay, Cory, if you trade Brad your Jim Fregosi, Brad can trade Sam his Bill Freeman, and I'll just take this Hank Aaron, I guess. I think we have a deal here, fellas.
Brad: Wait, who are you giving up?
Dean: Well, I really don't want to do this, but I guess I can get rid of my Bert Campaneris.
Brad: Who's Bert Campaneris?
Dean: Who's Bert Campaneris? [chuckles] Only the utility infielder for the Oakland A's that hit .232 with four doubles and six hit by pitches last season.
Cory: I don't know, man. My mom told me not to trade with you anymore after you took that Willie Mays card off my hand because he "ruined it" by signing it.
Dean: Oh, I'm sorry. Am I trading with Cory or Cory's mom? Do you ask your mom to cut your steak, too?
Cory: Well, yeah, actually. She does it the best.
Brett: I'll take the Bert Campaneris.
Dean: Finally. Someone who's his own man. Now, let's see, who do I want in return? Carl Yes-sturm-ski? That's a weird name. Guess I could take this one off your hands.

Adult Dean: The next day, I couldn't wait to get back to school and unload my Marv Throneberry card.
Dean: What gives? You guys trading baseball cards without me...?
Brett: Baseball cards are for boys, Dean. These... These are for men.
All: Yeah.
Adult Dean: Seeing those magazines gave me a feeling no baseball card ever could. Until then, the raciest thing I'd seen was employees changing the clothes on a female mannequin at Woolworths. And frankly, its lack of detail left me with more questions than answers.