Adult Dean: Teaching us kids about male/female relationships wasn't something that was on grown folks' agenda in the '60s. Kids were to be seen and not heard. Especially at the "Blue Light Special" parties my parents had been throwing since they were all "on the yard" together at Tuskegee A&M.
[flashback:]
Bill: Hey, Bruce! I'm empty!
Adult Dean: My brother, Bruce, being the oldest, was given certain tasks.
Lillian: [to Kim] Unh-unh. What do you think you're doing?
Young Kim: I just want to see what's going on.
Lillian: Girl, stop being fast and get back to your room.
Young Kim: But Bruce...
Lillian: But nothing. If you don't get back in that house right now...
Young Kim: Ugh. [exits]
Vivian: Ooh, now that girl thinks she grown, huh? [door slams]
Lillian: Mm-hmm. She gets it from her grandmama.
Vivian: Ah. And not her mama? [both chuckle]

[flashback:]
Adult Dean: Who needed sexy dancing when you have baseball cards?
Young Kim: I can't wait to be old enough to know what they do out there.
Young Dean: Why? They're grownups. They don't know what real fun is. Whoa. Manager cards.
Young Kim: Ugh.

Keisa: Hey, Dean. Did you get... taller?
Adult Dean: Naw, baby. Just more mature.
Dean: Eh, eh. Yeah.
Adult Dean: What the hell was that?

Hampton: Guys, should we be hogging the bathroom? You know, in case someone has to go?
Cory: Wow. These are even better than Brett's.
Brad: Yeah. Great job, Dean. These are primo.
Brett: It's the good stuff. My dad would leave my mom if he saw this.
Dean: Yeah. My dad's a real pervert.

Mike: What you guys looking at? Let's see this. Oh, wow. That's the good stuff! [chuckles]
Hampton: Yeah.
Mike: Hey, whose are these?
Dean: Mine.
Mike: Righteous. Gimme some skin. [bell rings] Ah, that's the bell. I'm on duty now. [removes coat; reveals "Hall Monitor" sash] Fun's over, boys. I'm gonna have to confiscate these magazines.
Dean: What? Confiscate? What happened to righteous? And the skin we gave each other?
Mike: Sorry. That was "Fun Mike." Now I'm "Hall Monitor Mike." Hall Monitor Mike knows that this is a violation of school policy. Come on.

Bill: Well, I'm so sorry again. Thanks for letting me know. Don't worry. This boy gonna get a good talking to.
Principal Cartwright: You know, I had to call because the school has a very clear policy on this, but, uh, boys will be boys. And, uh, this is the good stuff. You usually have to go to a liquor store to find these.
Adult Dean: That response is to be expected in a decade when "mechanic" was a viable career path to junior high principal.
Dean: There was one more.
[After Bill turns back to look at him, Principal Cartwright removes another magazine from his desk drawer and hands it to Bill]

Principal Cartwright: So, as I told you each on the phone, we caught Dean sharing an awful lot of detailed personals with Keisa.
Lillian: Well, I just want to say how embarrassed we are at Dean's actions.
Theo: Well, unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that my little girl was forced to listen to that smut. Where did he even hear this filth?
Lillian: Who knows? Boys will be boys. [chuckles]
Principal Cartwright: He claimed he heard it from you.
Lillian: Thank you.

Theo: How are you raising your children? Now because of you, not only was my daughter exposed to... Ears! [Keisa covers her ears] ... [whispers] sex, [normal voice] now my wife has to sit here and hear about it. There's no telling what perverse thoughts this puts in Keisa's mind. She could be scarred for life, all because your little boy want to sit and expose her to things he saw in... Ears! [Keisa covers her ears again] ...[whispers] pornographies.
Adult Dean: All I wanted was for my mom to set this guy straight. I wanted her to explain to him the same thing she explained to me... that it's not dirty, it's all normal. Well, some of the ratios of the women in the middle pages may not have been normal.
Theo: I'm sorry you have to sit here and hear all this... talk.
Adult Dean: Get him, Mama. Tell him how women like this stuff, too.
Lillian: I'm so, so sorry, too.
Adult Dean: But when Mama didn't put him in his place, I began to understand why. Keisa's dad was an example of the type of man my mama didn't want me to be. As awful as I thought my family's talk was, I realized it wasn't nearly as bad as the talk Keisa's family wasn't having. And in that moment, I was so proud to have a membership card in Mama's club.
Lillian: How 'bout I take Dean home and give him a good, long talking to.
Theo: Maybe let your husband handle it.
Lillian: Thank you for the advice.

Adult Dean: Oh, no. I caught my parents looking at porn. If this was the Old Testament, we'd all be stoned.
Lillian: Dean?
Bill: What are you doing?
Dean: Uh... just staying out of grown folks' business.
Lillian: Well, come on down here and look at how handsome your father looked on our wedding day.
Bill: I better have. That suit cost half a Buick.