‘The Club’
Season 1, Episode 3 - Aired October 6, 2021
After Dean's classmates discover the thrill of racy magazines, Dean finds a stash at home and takes them to school.
Quote from Hampton
Dean: Where did you guys get these?
Brett: From our dads' secret stashes.
Hampton: [covers eyes] If I don't see it, it's not a sin. [peeks] Hmm.
Brett: You've seen nudie magazines before, right?
Cory: Of course he has.
Dean: Yes, of course. [looks at magazine] Why's he sweating so much? A fever? Lucky for him, his wife's a nurse.
Adult Dean: I'd never felt this way before. It was exciting, titillating, taboo. But I had to play it cool in front of the guys. [Hampton groans] Which became a lot easier after Hampton passed out.
Brett: He's fine. This happened in biology class, too.
Quote from Dean
Adult Dean: I just couldn't wait to show them the magazines I found. Hampton was definitely gonna pass out again.
Dean: 'Sup, fellas?
All: Whoa!
Brett: Whoa, Dean! Nice!
Dean: Shh! Keep it down. Haven't you ever seen a girlie magazine before?
Brad: Well, what are you waiting for? Let's see 'em.
Dean: Be cool.
Quote from Hampton
Adult Dean: I was busted. I knew this meant a trip to the principal's office. But I couldn't show fear in front of the guys. Which, again, Hampton made easier.
Hampton: [groans] [thud]
Brett: He's fine. This happened in detention, too.
Quote from Dean
Bill: So... we need to talk about what just happened.
Adult Dean: Here it comes. The pre-whooping talk, where they explain why they have to whoop you and pretend like they don't enjoy it.
Dean: Daddy, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to...
Bill: How 'bout we keep what happened between us men? [pats Dean on the shoulder]
Dean: Really?
Adult Dean: This was the first time my dad ever referred to me as a man. [engine starts] I felt like he had given me admission into the most super-secret club there is.
[fantasy: smartly-dressed Bill and Dean at the entrance to a gentleman's club:]
Bill: Drink it in, Dean. You're in "The Club" now.
[After Bill hands Dean a "Man." card, Dean returns his "boy" card. Both laugh as Bill sets the boy card on fire.]
Quote from Dean
Lillian: Dean! What the hell are you doing?
Dean: Uh... please don't be mad at Dad. He told me not to look at his magazines.
Lillian: Your father knows about this? And he said these were his?
Dean: He said it's just between us men.
Lillian: Oh, he did, did he? Well, looks like the three of us need to have a little talk.
Adult Dean: I hadn't been in the man club for a day, and I'd already committed the cardinal sin of letting Mama know about Dad's secret stash.
[fantasy: Bill walks off after returning the charred "boy" card to Dean at the gentleman's club:]
Man: [o.s.] It's a shame he ain't ready.
Quote from Lillian
Dean: So, you don't anymore?
Lillian: I guess we haven't in a while.
Dean: Why'd you stop?
Lillian: Well... Well, you all were getting older and we both were pretty busy with work.
Bill: Yeah, you know, with teaching and tenure.
Lillian: And I was going up for that new promotion, more hours...
Dean: So, all that makes you not miss each other anymore?
Lillian: That's not important. I just want you to understand that this is all normal and healthy. For men and women.
Quote from Dean
Adult Dean: I had been equipped with knowledge much beyond my years. And with great knowledge comes great responsibility. Responsibility to show my friends how much I knew.
Cory: Wait, so when are we gonna get our periods?
Dean: No, you idiot. It's for girls.
Brad: How did you find all this out?
Dean: My mom told me.
Brad: You talk about this with your mom?
Dean: Yep. She said that girls like guys who know this kind of stuff, and she wants to make sure I'm a good husband one day. I bet you guys didn't even know girls look at these magazines, too.
Cory: No way!
Dean: Oh, yeah. It's true. Women look at them because it reminds them of their husbands.
All: Ohhhh.
Quote from Dean
Adult Dean: Now that I had clearly surpassed the studly-ness of the guys, I thought I'd take what I learned from Mama and use it to help me get closer to Keisa. She was about to see just how knowledgeable I was about women and their urges.
Dean: Hey, Keisa, you're never gonna believe what I just found out.
[cut to a stern-looking Keisa and Dean holding an ice pack to his eye in the principal's office:]
Adult Dean: What I didn't expect to find out was how hard Keisa's right cross was.
Lillian: [enters] [gasps] Dean, what happened?
Dean: All I did was tell everybody the stuff you told me.
Quote from Lillian
Lillian: Now, there's no need to tell your father about all this.
Dean: Really?
Adult Dean: Even sexually liberated women hate hearing their husbands say, "I told you so." As good as it felt for my friends to think I was mature, it felt even better for my parents to treat me that way.
Lillian: [radio changing stations] Don't you touch that radio, boy. You ain't grown.
Dean: Yes, ma'am.
Quote from Adult Dean
Bill: Dean! I'm empty!
Adult Dean: This was it. I'd finally gotten the call to the Big Leagues. My hands were shaking nervously, but thankfully, that just helped mix the drink more.
Dean: Don't you care what they're doing out there?
Kim: Why? They're grownups. Everything they do is boring.
Adult Dean: It took me many years to truly appreciate what our little talk did for me, but thanks to my mom and dad, I wouldn't grow up to be a person with his head buried in the sand like Keisa's dad, or countless others I'd encounter over the years. Thanks to them, I'd grow up to be a tender, caring man, like Mama wanted. And as it turned out, someone her future daughter-in-law appreciated, too.